This week, I can’t drink because I had surgery and am taking painkillers. Away we go to the land of STRONG PHARMACEUTICAL TAEKS.
NAME: Percocet; oxycodone
SOURCE: Merck or Pfizer or some other big pharma company
TYPE: Painkiller
REVIEW: So I politely asked Makeitsnow to review a beer this week and he told me he was taking his annual sabbatical from drinking (what an asshole). He suggested I review my meds instead while on said meds. I hate this shit. Percocet tastes chalky and is best swallowed whole. It makes me tired and dizzy and constipated. The label states the following:
I don’t think I will drink because I don’t want to be more dizzy, tired, and constipated. I have enjoyed some recreational drugs, but I have never liked painkillers. They are not enjoyable and I don’t understand how someone could be addicted to them (glances at Brett Favre). I am also watching Nightcrawler with Jake Ghyhyllyhyenhal. It is boring. Starting to fall asleep and I wish I could shit. Lousy Bart and his money.
GRADE: F
I’ve only had Percocet and Vicodin prescribed for me; Vicodin I thought was neither here nor there, but FUCK PERCOCET because the one thing you really want when you’re in pain and groggy as fuck is to be utterly unable to shit. This stuff is supposed to reduce suffering, not fiendishly compound it. Percocet is a crime against digestion and its prescription should be grounds for arrest and prosecution.
I have trouble sleeping on planes, and once my girlfriend gave me a Valium to help. I might as well have taken a sugar pill for all it did. I wonder if being a big fatty means I need to take like five of everything for it to work.
Quickie reviews on those beers I mentioned last beer post:
-Green Flash Mosaic IPA (100% mosaic) – Good. It definitely made clear where some of that Fresh Squeezed goodness comes from, but also firmly illustrated just how amazing Fresh Squeezed is with whatever magic they use to make it even better.
-Cascade Lakes Mosaic IPA – Not bad, but definitely not as mosaic-y as the Green Flash. A weird musty finish that I haven’t encountered much. Not that bitter, which is actually slightly disappointing. This is going to make me buy more Fresh Squeezed.
-Dogfish Head 90 minute – This beer was clearly designed and brewed by some sort of wizard.
-And an Anchor California Lager – Eh, s’ok. Sierra Nevada Nooner is still better.
I’m going here next week:
http://vancouver.craftbeermarket.ca
It’s literally less than 1200 feet from where we are staying. SO looking forward to it!
Of the ones I had last weekend, the Funkwerks Raspberry Provincial was amazing. Highly carbonated, slightly sour with raspberry. Reminded me of an Original New York Seltzer water mixed with a sour. Delicious!
I also had a Ballast Point Indra Kunindra which appears to be a dark lager with curry and pepper. Tastes like someone dropped some tiki masala in a Guinness. Surprisingly not bad, but you don’t need more than one.
If you’re ever in Texas, get some Lone Pint Yellow Rose. Instead of being like Fresh Squeezed but worse, it’s like Fresh Squeezed but better!
I’ve had one painkiller in my life, and like you, I just sort of felt dizzy. Giddy. The pain was still there, but I just was distracted from it somehow. I didn’t enjoy it.
I had a Vicodin prescription when I got my wisdom teeth removed and I was amazed by how habit-forming it was. After taking it for about a week, I’d perk up in anticipation of my daily dose the same way my dog perks up every day for her afternoon walk.
I’ve never been a dog person, but that analogy totally makes sense and for the first time I kinda get them now. It really is nice to have something to look forward to like that.
Also if you are gonna wash ’em down with beer (or especially with whiskey), you want to ask for “vicuprofen” instead. The stuff that’s cut with acetaminophen is bad for your kidneys when taken with booze.
/the more you know…
//isn’t anyone gonna invite WCS to this discussion??
I had a prescription for oxycodone when I had my wisdom teeth removed. I don’t recall anything earthshaking but I do remember really liking ‘Any Given Sunday’ and then watching it for the first time when I wasn’t stoned and thinking it was terrible.
I had a prescription for vicodin when i did Laser Eye Surgery (fun side note: I wear glasses now! ). I was real careful with it and only took two pills to numb pain. Once the pain was gone, I took one for funsies. I hallucinated like a mo-fo and slept for like 14 hours straight. Never again.
STRONG DRUG TAKE!!!!
Percocet tastes chalky and is best swallowed whole.
“I thought your name was Dave!”
I generally prefer having a beer or two while consuming pain meds.
Dash it all and full speed ahead, says I!
How did the surgery go? Hope everything went alright. Ask me for tips, I’ve got tons of experience with knees.
Tons.
HERESY!!!
Actually, how far away from suburban Raleigh, NC are you? Uh…asking for a friend.
I really am an asshole.
[uses obviously insincere voice]
Oh, noooooo… not at all!