[Ed. Note–New School Zero sent me an email from the not too distant future–only a few days, in fact, but he said it was important. So, here you go!]

Dear Packers Shareholders,

I would like to announce to you today that I am a happily married man. I didn’t plan on this happening, but our society has changed, and I must change with it. You see, my long time roommate Bruce always said that if gay marriage became the law of the land, we’d get married right away. Well, as you all know, gay marriage was ruled by the Supreme Court last Friday to be just that. I woke up that morning to a wonderful breakfast in bed prepared by Bruce–Eggs Benedict, toast points, some fresh melon, and a peach Bellini–along with this news. What could I do but say yes? I mean, it’s the law! I have to!

At first I was a little hesitant about it, but it turns out that everyone was really happy for me and so relieved–they all kept saying that they’d been waiting for me to do this for so long, that they always knew. They always knew it would be the law? That’s news to me! It was a really fun wedding, too, and we all had a good time. Even my Uncle Frank, who sends out those email newsletters all the time, didn’t really make a fuss. He just sort of looked confused. Later I found him in the kitchen enjoying some time with Juan from catering, and I guess he’s widening his stance on immigration as well! The times, they are a’ changing!

I just wanted you all to hear it from me first. I’m now as committed to my marriage as I am to taking the Packers to another Lombardi Trophy, and I look forward to enjoying both of these things in the next year. Go Pack!

Still your totally not gay quarterback,

Aaron Rodgers

[Ed. Note–Seriously, the supreme court decision was awesome to wake up to this morning, even without toast points and a Bellini. Also, this:

Rainbow flag hugs to you all.]