Welp, that’s the End of that Era

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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With the excitement and optimism of a new football season upon us, it is with sadness that we relay that veteran St. Louis/Dallas/Montreal defensive end, Michael Sam, is walking away from the life of north american professional football after a career that included college accolades of 2013 All-SEC First Team, SEC Defensive Player of the Year, and unanimous All-American honors. Off the field, he was honored with the 2014 Arthur Ashe Courage Award, named on the GQ Men of the Year list, and was a finalist for Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year. Sam also competed on the ABC prime-time hit, Dancing with the Stars. He was drafted by the St. Louis Rams where, just 51 weeks ago, he went on to enjoy twice sacking and taunting Cleveland Browns quarterback and fellow rookie, Johnny Manziel.

But, as we all know, it’s what you do between the white lines that gets you consideration for the Hall of Fame so I say we let the stats speak for themselves:

Sam Stats
“Why is this even news?!”

Ok then.

Citing mental health concerns, Sam announced on Friday afternoon that he would be leaving the Montreal Allouettes via the Twitter App. Twitter is an online social networking service that enables user to send and read short 140-charter messages called “tweets”. Until 1974, homosexuality was listed as a mental illness.

With both NFL and CFL Sam gear still available, Roger Goodell is expectedly morning only the loss of the potential gains of being able to broadcast the first gay player with the first female referee and first lady coach. However, expect The Shield to look to capitalize by flipping the Michael Sam St. Louis Rams 2014 NFL Draft Silver Color Coin at the Super Bowl L Coin Toss Presented by Bud Light.

Be it as an interior decorator, fashion expert, style manager, personal grooming professional, or the culture one, For The Straight Guy, we wish him all the best in his next career opportunity.

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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Romonobyl

Enter “He started as a Tight End, now he’s a Wide Receiver” joke here:

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

Also, the end of this suit.
comment image

SonOfSpam

“DAMMIT MICHAEL, I SAID ‘STRETCH’ NOT ‘VOGUE'”

Steve the Retired Pirate
Steve the Retired Pirate

Tony Dungy thinks all this coverage of Michael Sam retiring is a huge distraction

Spur
Spur

Olivia Munn is going to get dumped now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“How will this affect the showering schedule?”

Skip Bayless (with boner)

Curse of Marino
Curse of Marino

“THE ANUSES OF FOOTBALL PLAYERS EVERYWHERE ARE NOW SAFE. PRAISE JESUS!” – Chris Broussard right before he logs onto Grindr.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Now we can go back to having all of them* in a closet.

*Texans fans.

CBQUE
CBQUE

I’m assuming that since Colin Cowherd is not on air yet, the hottest take from this announcement will come from troll master Florio. With the recent announcement by the Milwaukee Brewers farmhand you would think that Sam would’ve found some team that was willing to take a chance. Obviously The NFL is light years behind the NBA & MLB in terms of tolerance.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
cheatham
cheatham

I looked, hoo boy. I had no idea that Oprah and Obama collaborated on LGBT football recruiting. Nor did I know there are so many ways to spell the words ‘their’ or ‘tried’/’tries’. Those people are creative, I bet they’d be fun to tailgate a Democratic presidential debate with.

entropy

It’s been 48 years too long since a good DNC riot, maybe we can somehow have the debates in Chicago, see if they can top their work in the 60s?

mclamb86
mclamb86

Some pretty hot taeks in the comment section. Hopefully it doesn’t melt your screen……..

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2015/08/14/michael-sam-stepping-away-from-football/

packman_jon
Sharkbait
Sharkbait
Brocky

The whole “mental illness = gay” narrative is going to get more yardage than trent Richardson’s tenure with the colts

monty this seems strange to me

I just walked to the men’s room and now I already have more yardage than Trent Richardson’s tenure with the Colts.

Old School Zero

I find that disturbing. I haven’t been paying attention to any hot taek columns–is that the general narrative? Or was that just something we’ve implied here?

Big Black Richard
Big Black Richard

OSZ, totally off topic here, but I liked your post where you killed off all of the kharacters, but that post was missing one thing.

You needed to end it with Killer Mike Tunison signing off with, “Tell Uproxx fuck ’em, I never loved ’em and Salutations!”

Old School Zero

Also, is the email you used to sign up valid? I could email you there to PM if that works.

Big Black Richard
Big Black Richard

That one is valid, yes. Although if it’s visible, I need to fix that. Don’t want the bots to harvest my email account and start spamming the shit out of it.

Old School Zero

That is totally a missed opportunity. Anther one that came to mind:

APE’LL FUCK A BLOGGERS LIFE UP LIKE MONIQUE DID TO PRECIOUS!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

he can allways go play basket ball with GAYson collins in Brooklen,, smdh

SonOfSpam

Goodbye football, hello steel industry.

Cuntler
Cuntler

I just realized this would work in the Steelers preview as well.

Horatio Cornblower

I am eagerly awaiting Skip Bayless’s taek on all this.

And by “eagerly” I mean I’ve hurled a brick through my TV as a precautionary measure.

Enrico Pallazzo

One might say that Sam had become a distraction to himself.

HIGH FIVE!

Don’t leave me hanging, James Dungy!

Why Thank You Eddie
Why Thank You Eddie

Oh my. +1

sunrisesunrise

That coin looks strange. Shouldn’t they both be tails?

blordinaryfagicmox
blordinaryfagicmox

Up to now I’ve not been pleased with this descending comment order (or is it ascending? All I know is that it’s WRONG.) But maybe there is one benefit, comments pontificating on their own ordinality (or is it cardinality?) get pushed out of sight.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I don’t like the comment order either.

Why Thank You Eddie
Why Thank You Eddie

*scans down* Ah-so.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Here at DFO, we’re not looking for ordinal comments. We’re looking for ELITE ones.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I second this comment.

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

First!

Gay!

monty this seems strange to me

“Pffft, you’re not the First Gay.”

– Aaron Rodgers

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

You spelled “Schmitts” wrong.