The Further Adventures of THE RED ROCKET

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Webmaster: Dick Joke Blog at Evil Corp
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle.Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski.They have no children, but do have the world’s cutest dogs.
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

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ANNOUNCER:  When last we left our intrepid adventurer, THE RED ROCKET, he had been placed in peril yet again by the forces of THE FAT HUMPS, and was defeated soundly, ending last season of ADVENTURES OF THE RED ROCKET with a resounding thud.  Luckily, since he was born without a soul, our intrepid hero will be able to rise to the challenge next season on… ADVENTURES OF THE RED ROCKET!

 

Coming this season on ADVENTURES OF THE RED ROCKET!

  • A 10-6 Season!
  • A disappointing Wild Card Loss!
  • A.J. Green misses 3 games, and is a decoy for 2 or more!
  • Pacman Jones murders a stripper with a pile of cash!
    WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Via Tumblr
  • Jeremy Hill and Gio Bernard each make the other non-fantasy relevant by playing 16 games and stealing each other’s touchdowns!  You’ll NEVER play the right one!
  • THE RED ROCKET will throw for under 180 years at least 3 times, even WITH AJ Green!
  • White fans will buy Rex Burkhead jerseys in bulk!
    Tell me your uncle wouldn’t wear THIS GUY’S jersey. Via ESPN
  • People will complain BITTERLY about Marvin Lewis, even though he makes the playoffs every year, and the Bungles were HOT, STINKY GARBAGE until he showed up.  He replaced Dick LeBeau, and immediately made them seem like an actual football team.
  • Russell Bodine WILL fire a snap through Andy Dalton’s tibia
  • There will be A BILLLLLLLION articles about how cheap the Bengals ownership is.  Mike Brown is cheap.  WE GET IT.
I love that he’s wearing what appears to be a free giveaway hat. Via theweek.com

So stay tuned this season for the EXCITING adventures of Andy Dalton, THE RED ROCKET!  He’ll thrill!  He’ll disappoint!  And it’ll end, once again, in a Wild Card asswhuppin’.  Tune in every Sunday, through January 9th.  Because that’s when they’ll lose in the playoffs, you see.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
DTZM escaped his dark timeline through a wormhole created by Lord Screech, after he destroyed Bayside for never allowing him to mate with Lisa Turtle. Zach now lives a quiet life in St. Louis with his wife, Darkest Timeline Kelly Kapowski. They have no children, but do have the world's cutest dogs.
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Darkest Timeline Zack MorrisMoose -The End Is Well NighSepMarc Trestmans Windowless VanBrettFavresColonoscopy Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’ll put’en eye out if’in you ain’t careful

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

h ttp://41.media.tumblr.com/3d8cd2333076f7f83bd74d152f50217f/tumblr_nsjzc2UOyr1uycf5uo1_500.jpg

BrettFavresColonoscopy
blaxabbath

Still the best helmets in the league.

Unis are gay af though.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Why Thank You Eddie
Why Thank You Eddie

I’m starting to feel a CHUH CHUH from deep down inside. Shouldnt have eaten lunch at Chuy’s

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Beerguyrob

At first I thought the article was about the Red Rocker, and I got all excited.

http://www.bryanreesman.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/03/Red-Rocker.jpg

Now I am sadder thn a Jags fan in Week 2.

SonOfSpam

There’s only one way, there’s only one way TO LOSE PLAYOFF GAMES

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Old School Zero

I think Tyler…

/puts on sunglasses

…is going to show a lot of Eifert this season.

/takes off sunglasses
/crushes sunglasses underfoot
/hangs head and walks into the sea

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh