After some erudite discussion of Jonathan Martin’s recent mention of suicidal thoughts, it looks like things are back to normal in my beloved Raider Nation…
Houston takes on New Orleans at 4 p.m. EST today, followed by Arizona at Oakland at 8 p.m. EST. Enjoy the limited action today, folks!
Logan’s Run is way shorter than I remembered.
Uh, Cris, Derek Carr was pulled an hour ago.
I thought pulling your Derek Carr could make you go blind…
http://i.imgur.com/vyos7ev.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7gMkiOPSeA
http://33.media.tumblr.com/9a188b5ab5b97b5a4324c8cb7bc17a64/tumblr_ngp3kfh8rV1u48ssoo1_1280.gif
God damn it how do you have 7 gifs of her saying that? Couldnt find one
http://38.media.tumblr.com/e276d97a45cc06cdec7f8a7e3a0dc769/tumblr_nb3mhoGBUW1s7km96o1_400.gif
Going For The Deuce: Najeh’s Story
http://38.media.tumblr.com/4a76d932026d2ce9040a8bf55a4502b7/tumblr_n9r4cqMyWD1s7km96o4_400.gif
Arguably better than the original Thriller.
“… You sound shitfaced”
– Archer
“You sound shitfaced…”
– Osi Umenyora [apologetically]
YES
http://33.media.tumblr.com/43119f979c5fdb1441d36485068845b4/tumblr_nszyzyndMD1r0q28po1_500.gif
oh god will someone tell them they’re upside down
Sprint circa 1999: “everyone loves their Nokia with snake programmed on it. Now you can sign up for our Nokia For Life plan.”
American consumers: “DO YOU OFFER A CONTRACT LONGER THAN 18 YEARS?!?!?”
Hey, don’t forget Space Impact!
Fucking deadspin. I don’t care who said what to who on fucking Twitter. Just show me dick pics.
We can arrange that.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/c7d03c73dc4b38fa20016cae1fd905aa/tumblr_ni34o54zkz1rsxqqio1_400.gif
WOO NO HITTER! History!!!
I mean, the Dodgers haven’t been no-hit since…
/internets
Nine fucking days ago?
Money talks.
I had the best draft. I guarantee my draft grade will be the highest, and the most exclusive. People who grade my draft badly, they’re losers. They don’t know anything about drafting. I have great drafts all the time. I did a great job drafting the blacks. I will win the Hispanic point totals.
You drafted better than that pig Rosie O’Donnell.
It is important to note that Rachel was on autodraft.
The ONLY one of twelve on autodraft.
Who gave that grade? CNN? Are you from CNN? You people are awful. You’re not doing a good job covering my draft at all. Go back to Univision.
Perfect national televised game before the raiders preview this week.
Man…it’s really depressing that a really, REALLY old NFL player is younger than me.
You’re probably younger in brain damage years.
Well, I’m trying to make up for it with my alcoholism.
I assume I’m correct that this format lacks private messaging capabilities?
I…maybe? I don’t know.
There sort of is:
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/wp/index.php/private-dick-jokes/
Why do people like my private dick jokes page?
Charles Woodson: Not dead, and better than most.
I am pretty sure that guy is dead.
He’s only mostly dead.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m5p7pim7xl1qdlh1io1_400.gif
How does the NFL get to advertise their FF platform when yahoo paid to advertise theirs on the same game?
Illuminati. You all have a better answer?
I am back to Archer. I am ok with this
I was gonna say he was lying but I hear him walking locking up the dog and coming up the stairs right now.
I just used my final pick to draft Rex Grossman.
I WIN!
I’m jealous. I’ll trade you Bradford for Grossman straight up.
Don’t tempt me, especially while we’re both drunk.
Am I missing something?
http://33.media.tumblr.com/9d1dda9db6f31f4c455a1f77c72da1cf/tumblr_nt2orpxBSk1s2wio8o2_500.gif
Wait, I got 5 more minutes.
Dad’s gotta wait for the Viagra to kick in?
Do people bother to buy viagra and then watch shitty cinemax porn? He has a laptop.
In LA sports news (since there’s no professional football here other than USC because they’re evil cheaters Go Bruins), the Dodgers have no hits thru 8 “innings” which I believe are like chukkers.
I am losing my stream, I use a wireless thing that bounces it from another box in the house and that is now getting turned off or my dad wants to watch softcore porn. I will find a stream or more likely not care but stay around
please
Do HTML formatting work here?
yes it does.
Okay, I finished this bottle of wine and I ain’t opening a second. Also, I’m amazed I watched the first half of this, not going too deep into the second half. More video game time for meeeeeeee.
My thoughts exactly. The rest of my beer is going to mayhem and hookers.
Also maybe some GTA V.
Wait, I have a whiskey bottle open and no self control and liked bugging you. At least let me know what game you are playing
Dragon Age, I be awesome at closing rifts, sorta.
That was the best play you could find of her?
They should have at least shown it at regular speed instead of slow motion.
I once knew a bartender who played in the Lingerie Football League, and apparently they not only get paid shit, which we could have guessed, but all the same playing injured BS goes on. Also fewer fun drugs and less medical attention.
Trent Richardson with a run longer than 3 yards?
Which one of you jokers put acid in my beer?
Why has no other player thought of getting back up after he’s been tackled?
Relevant: https://mobile.twitter.com/Cianaf/status/638152639360987137
USA football has the Herculean task of getting people in our country to enjoy the sport of football
That’s an old school David Carr pass right there.
OH THANK YOU COMEDY GODS
Bye bye situational awareness!
Touch? Down?
Hit his receiver in stride!
Taiwan Jones? Were his parents the sort that named their kids after where they were conceived? Like Cadillac Williams’s parents?
Now THAT”S funny!
Still better than “WeFuckedinMyParentsBed Jones” I left the Jones because that is a surname not too far from mine
That’s clearly the comment of the night.
Not sure if I mentioned it here before, my Grammy went to the hospital this week and everyone was certain she would die. She is getting out tomorrow!
/I feel no shame about calling her Grammy, she chose that nickname
Old ladies are tougher than people give em credit for. All the best to her 🙂
The Stand
Here comes another field goal
follow your dreams.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/6ebbc25042895bebf7c181c295f45692/tumblr_ntunff6S671s02vreo1_400.gif
oh shit im really fucked up now i just learned that oliver sacks is dead the reason i got into neuroscience was because of oliver sacks please go buy this book
I’ve already read that, but I’ll reread it now.
Just saw a Cracked post about this on Facebook. Definitely gonna check it out.
BA looks like he hasn’t slept for days.
If I recall correctly, the year that Helu was Washington’s #1 rusher was 2011, when the horrible two headed Grossman/Beck monster was QB.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/bfa18cc16a04384b60df8870d750f42a/tumblr_nsw85c4l9t1s02vreo1_400.gif
Ok, forget this “game”. We need to find that squirrel
The cat is funny and stuff but I do the same thing when watching something with Scarlett Johansson in it.
OH HOLY HELL I HATE BEING A [*Redacted] S FAN WHY DID WE KILL RG3 HOW CAN WE KILL DAN SNYDER I HOPE ALFRED MORRIS LEAVES BEFORE WE KILL HIM TOO BECAUSE HE SEEMS SUPER LIKABLE JAY GRUDEN WILL BE DAN SNYDERS LACKEY BECAUSE HE WANTS TO BE A COACH LIKE HIS BROTHER BUT MORE DOUGHY AAAAAEEERRRRGHHH.
*takes breath*
And the season hasn’t even started yet.
*downs remaining wine*
yep
http://31.media.tumblr.com/5e3759cfb46c93dd391ff6e630d3ea76/tumblr_ntwy1yopFE1s02vreo1_400.gif
Aww dammit…RIP Wes Craven.
http://i.imgur.com/moivxuE.jpg
No…
What’s in the barrel? Whiskey? Mead? Pickles? Creamed corn?
NO HOTLINKS
No hot links?!?!
http://www.hillshirefarm.com/images/products/big/Smoked-Sausage-Hot-Links.jpg
http://www.theexecutiveshop.com/uploads/kangol1lrg.jpg
Despite the “Mack the Knife” angle, he’s gonna end up being “Kalil Sack” because football commentators are not worldy or creative. Correct?
I think the “Mack the Knife” nickname has already been claimed by Ray Lewis.
Charles Woodson: Good At Teh Footballing