Hard Knocks: A Day in the Life of a Brian Cushing Brain Cell

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5:00 AM: Time to wake up, another day at training camp.

5:15 AM: Let’s have some breakfast [insert command (ic): unscrew bottle cap, ingest pill] energy surge, muscles strengthen, balls shrink. Time to rock.

On Practice Field
6:45 AM: Head takes hit Ohhh, I feel woosy, what am I doing again, oh right Fry the trousers on the beach. No that can’t be right. Try for another perk up. [IC: unscrew bottle cap, ingest pill] energy surge, muscles tighten, balls shrink

Yeah Brah, I want to do some lifting.

Regain Consciousness
10:30 AM: Why am I laying on the ground? Wait, it’s 10:30? Could’ve sworn it was 7 a few minutes ago. Here comes Coach O’Brien and Mike Vrabel, let’s hear what they have to say:

BOB: Are you alright son, you were out for a few minutes after taking a hit to the head.
MV: Hey coach, the HBO guys need a close-up and the producers need another take. They also want us to do it like we discussed.
BOB: Ok, no need to explain. Fuck, cockshit, ballfuck, bitchtits. Win every fucking inch.
MV: I fucking fucking fuck fucking fucking fucking, 3rd down zone blitz. Go inside and wait for the afternoon meetings Brian.

Those aren’t until 2, better get a rush. [ic: unscrew bottle cap, ingest pill] energy surge, muscles strengthen, balls shrink.

We got this shit.

10:35 AM: [involuntary command: copious vomiting]

Training Facility, in Kitchen, stirring contents in a pot, Regain Consciousness
1:45 PM. Where am I, what am I doing? There’s Vince Wilfork, what does he need:

VW: Thanks for stirring that chili for that last 3 hours. You know you could’ve stopped every now and then. Come to think of it, I don’t think you blinked once at all when you were stirring for three hours straight. Let’s go to the meeting.

2:00 PM to 6:00 PM. Coach O’Brien and Vrabel use more swears than uttered in all of Quentin Tarantino’s movies multiplied by all of Scorese’s; JJ Watt informs everyone of his work ethic; Vince Wilfork sweats profusely despite the air conditioning

Hey, Watt looks like he’s going to practice throught the night, good for him, better keep track of his social media feeds but it’s time for me to go home, one more for the road. [IC: unscrew cap, ingest pill) energy surge, muscles tighten, balls shrink

Regain Consciousness

7:00 PM

Back at home, nice to relax after a long day. Hey, when did my wife become an elderly Asian women? Oh, looks my car crashed through another person living room, how did that happen? Sorry ma’am, but I gotta go.

10:00 PM
Hey, any other brain cells around? Where did they all go? Seems pretty dead in here. There’s my wife, what does she want? Let’s find out:

Brian Cushing’s Wife: the kids are asleep, why don’t we have some you and me time.

Sweet. [IC: unscrew bottle cap,ingest pill] penis hardens

[Brian Cushing’s balls

Is it just me or is there at lot less room here than we used to have?

Brian Cushing’s Brain Cell, Regains Consciousness
3:15 PM, June 27th, 2039

Spider lamb, pillow apples. Fox Melting Bongos.
[Involuntary Command: Initiate Bowel Movement, Drool].

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BeerguyrobBloody LethalSepSonOfSpamMarc Trestmans Windowless Van Recent comment authors
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SonOfSpam

Really enjoyed the cursing coaches (in your post, not the show, because hoo-boy I ain’t gonna waste time on that show).

Then I cruised the comment section. It was like a hot descent into madness and bewbs.

Sep

My roommate had it on (I’m starting to think he likes boring things) and I caught JJ Watt trying to spell ‘opportunity’.

Spelling is a Gritty trait. Therefore, JJ Watt’s grit is INVALID!

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

What the hell happened?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Nah, I am fine. I do have a nice cut on my face now

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Running a speaker wire across the entire room is a terrible idea, you will trip over it eventually.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I say this then leave that god damn wire running across my room because my laptop tops out at whisper level without my speakers

Horatio Cornblower

Uh, is anyone gonna check on MTWV? I feel like we should call someone.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t have family members that care as much. Thank you.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I have a deep cut in my face not gonna bother to fix it now

ballsofsteelandfury

Are you interested in writing this week’s DFO Late Night / Slutty Saturday Open Thread post?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is that a gash joke?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So full discloser. I really did fall face first into the floor 10 min ago. It was as bad as you imagine.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I tripped and fell on my face at 1 am. Things happen. That is the story I am going with for me falling on my face tonight

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I really just went to town tonight with spamming pics. Sorry but not really.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I posted 15 pics since then but know I am still at stuck back at this one

http://41.media.tumblr.com/8610c9a10a85687dddbd945017828a74/tumblr_ntti21CxKu1upvh0uo1_1280.jpg I made this comment as a joke, but I am like 40% on board. She is super hot

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I hate every other reply. I am only a fan of this

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I should never post a gif for her. But sad she has nothing

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

NSFW

h
ttp://41.media.tumblr.com/153995879bc8d8c9f9b017bc32e1b5f8/tumblr_nu07z06dIx1rj4j4jo1_1280.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I changed my mind on that last one being an ok pic to leave on

http://41.media.tumblr.com/8610c9a10a85687dddbd945017828a74/tumblr_ntti21CxKu1upvh0uo1_1280.jpg

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Porky Prime
Porky Prime

One?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

h ttp://i.imgur.com/3YbIx5f.gifv

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

It is still the unbearable 100% humidity but someone 60 here. I need to shut up and my my lawn tomorrow though. It is like 6″ high now.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I also need to learn to type a sentence without 2 typos

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, weird; after finding this gif I’m thirsty and tired all of the sudden.

http://33.media.tumblr.com/88f6ff446952a363a2e93d2434938e4c/tumblr_ntnaaoBVM21rkg4lho1_500.gif

Porky Prime
Porky Prime
Beerguyrob

I am now #UpForWhatever

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I know this meme has been beat to shit, but this one made me snicker.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/b88726067320e3bff664d7f784502931/tumblr_nstpst490b1tpdqt1o1_500.png

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

He who controls the spice, controls the hood.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

May thy gat chip and shatter.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yvette Mimieux and a morlock, The Time Machine 1960

or Yvette Mimieux in a porn parody of The Time Machine getting morecock?

http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lcxr9ecTIk1qzwdjso1_500.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The way he fucks around with the timeline; I had to go back and forth a couple of times to figure out what was going on. There is some good things online that explain it better than I could. There is a lot of how previous generations can really screw the subsequent ones on a family scale (and not even is a Duggar way). Parallels among generations and family dynamics. It has been years since I read it, but I’ve always enjoyed his narrative style; you can read a paragraph of his and it seems sculpted from the shit language we normally speak.

This helps a little:
http://tcboyle.net/WEBoyle.pdf

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Big Black Richard
Big Black Richard

Moose, I’m reading World’s End based on, I believe, a recommendation that you made in a KSK komment section something like five years ago. Everyone was recommending books, and I had to write down something like 20 books that I have to get around to reading.

Anyway, I’m about 80% done, and I can already tell that by the time I’m finished, I’m going to need for you to explain to me what I missed. I’m not very good at literary analysis. I can follow the plot (unless it’s James Joyce), and I can catch some of the more obvious allusions and metaphors that the authors throw at us, but that’s about all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey the above was supposed to be a reply.

The other thing to keep in mind is that it is pretty dark and has a lot of satire. I liked it also because it was a bit hard to figure out. Not only would I go back, but I’d skip ahead to where it left off and then go back. It is a fast read if you just pour into it, but it took me a long time.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What are we drinking tonight, boys?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was just having some iced tea, but I think somebody put something in it.

http://33.media.tumblr.com/b38129b17ae11fd116852b3a3b9fe297/tumblr_mrh44iPL111qa0ho1o1_500.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

I choose to believe that’s a D for DFO.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It’s an O for clitoral orgasm. The conical shape of the megaphone throws off the perception of the lettering.

*I am completely insane.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Benny Hill!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The nipples are “covered”; I SECOND THIS RULING.

Ashcroft cannot appeal beyond my supreme gifing powers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://33.media.tumblr.com/17c530a9b270507026a4727300ddee16/tumblr_nt02cvAuKM1sqf5tdo2_400.gif

Brian Cushing’s balls; some of the things he takes cause testicular atrophy.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Oh wait, this is just practice. HANDBRA WITHDRAWN!

ballsofsteelandfury

Top of the Dick Jokes to ya!

WCS

If you replace all the workout stuff, this is essentially a map of Hippo’s life, too.

Horatio Cornblower

I gotta tell ya, that was way more action than I expected from a Cushing brain cell.

entropy

I was expecting a quick “What the fuck am I doing HERE?!” followed by a door slamming shut, and then sixty .gifs of caveman-looking fucks drooling all over the goddamn furniture.

Speaking of such things, I find I am unable to post images. I feel I have a mental deficiency of my own somehow. How does one post images here?

monty this seems strange to me

This was enjoyable to read.

blaxabbath

Where’s the part where the two girls share one dildo?