Rejoice! More EPL and JV NFL and Open Thread Saturday Goodness for Glorious Commentist Party

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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So much football has been consumed, and we aren’t even 10% into the regular season.  Doesn’t that feel good?  Let it sink in, deep into your soul…

Now, on to your early Saturday Premier League apertif!  Schedule spacing is most excellent this weekend, with interesting fixtures each timeslot.  No reason to bother with nauseating pre-game shows of ny varietal!  Track your fantasy injury status updates online and don’t let the chatterbox “experts” make you second guess yourself into panic moves you will regret.  Enjoy the Lesser Footy, it totes won’t make you gay.  OK, not more than a little.

7:45 EST brings the classic London Derby of Arsenal/Chelski.  Whilst Arsenal is in their happy/safe place in the table (4th, they basically live there), you have to scroll way the fuck down to find the Russian mob money side…in 17th.  One place from the relegation zone, thanks to having their pants pulled down by Everton last weekend.  It won’t last, but it’s still fucking hilarious.  Karma’s a bitch, “special one” – now eat shit and die, already.

Stay on NBCSN for Everton/Swans at 10, in what should be an entertaining, progressive matchup (and easily the best game in that window).  I am a little worried my Blues could have a bit of emotional hangover, plus RB Seamus Coleman might not play.  Everton does not have a “major league ready” backup RB.  Gulp.  West Ham (currently sitting in 5th on 9 points) is next in line for the hurricane that is Manchester City (runaway 1st on a perfect 15), 12:30 on NBCSN.

Sunday Funday!  You gotta flip to USA Network for the good early game (Tottenham/Palace, 8:30), followed by the late shit game (Liverpool/Norwich).  NBCSN joins in the fun late and hungover at 11, but with the best game of the day by far, Southampton vs. Manchester United.  A great opportunity for the Saints to vault back into “interesting top half of the table team” status after a sluggish start.  I have a feeling they will come good this weekend.

 

Everyone ready for some HAWT JV action now?  Well, hawt is overselling it more than a little.  But footbaw is footbaw:

Connecticut at Missouri (12:00, ESPN)

The Fightin’ Horatios invade Columbia (no, the other, other one) in a crucial battle between two undefeated teams absolutely nobody believes to be any good.  Well, I’m sure their mothers think they are absolutely wonderful young men,

Northwestern at Duke (12:30, ACC Network/ESPN3)

Georgia Tech at Notre Dame (3:30, NBC)

This game will make your eyes bleed, and I really despise both head coaches intensely.  That said, it’s  two Top 15 teams and could have national implications.  I probably will have to flip to it at least occasionally.  But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.

Auburn at LSU (3:30, CBS)

This game looked way the fuck more interesting before last weekend happened.  Maybe the game will surprise us, but these teams look pretty derpy to me, particularly on offense.  But there’s a lot of shit in this window.  I mean, Northern Illinois at tOSU is a goddamned national broadcast.  I really hate the world sometimes.  OK, most of the time.  OK, almost all of the time.

Florida at Kentucky (7:30, SECN)

This has “wildly entertaining shitshow” written all over it.  I’m mildly annoyed I will be stuck watching NC State/Old Dominion on an old-timey syndicated starwipe network broadcast instead.

Stanford at USC (8:00, ABC)

Open question as to whether the Men of Troy take the Tree lightly and let them hang around for a half, or ass-blast them right out of the gate.  I will defer to Martin’s take, should he decide to weigh in on the matter.

Ole Miss at Alabama (9:15, ESPN)

Hey, it only took 9+ hours to get to the kickoff of an actually compelling matchup between two good teams.  It’s at Roll Damn Tide though, without Johnny Reb good luck charm Katy Perry.  Edge to Nick Saban, which will make him scowl terrifyingly.

BYU at UCLA (10:30, FS1)

DVR the shit out of this game, non-West Coasters/insomniacs/tweakers.  Perhaps the most interesting JV footy contest of the slate.  I want to know how good the Bruins might possibly be, and whether the Stormin’ Mormons can pull another late win out of their magic underwear covered collective ass.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Pray for Michigan State to defeat Ohio State, I don’t want their flaccid schedule ruining this season.

Senor Weaselo

What kind of crazy onside kick is that?

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Holy fuck, the Pac 12 has not had a good season.

Senor Weaselo

Back-breaking Bamaception!

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

This college football season is starting to become wonderous…

Senor Weaselo

That’s not even close to a penalty.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Fuck that…not a penalty

Senor Weaselo

Jeez, momentum in college football seems a more fickle mistress than fate.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

Ok, I may have passed out a bit there, but oh boy bama s down 20 at home, how delicious.

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

And USC lost, hahahahahahaha

nomonkeyfun

Penn State football is back. Back to back wins against Buffalo and now Rutgers.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Holy shit. God just ain’t a Tide fan tonight apparently.

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

He better change his mind real quick.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Whoa, that spot was generous as hell.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

Dirt Stillers in business!

nomonkeyfun

I thought the dirt stillers only play once a week, in November and December.

Senor Weaselo

So this is the Saturday open thread, and it is still Talk Like a Pirate Day for the next 40 minutes apparently… so fuck it, why not?

https://youtu.be/f_MG0ja2iD4

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