PK Mad Libs!
Fill in the blanks:
MMQB Mad Libs : What’s Weird this Week?
Fill in the blanks:
7. Surely the Ravens didn’t count on being in an 0-2 hole with a magnificent five-game stretch coming up beginning Sunday. Time to either tumble the season or infect it.
This is a marvelous contraption.
4. Atlanta is 2-0. I credit Dan Quinn and the pass-rush he imported, an improving offensive line, a steady Matt Ryan, and the most acrobatic, sure-handed receiver playing today. Julio Jones has twice as many nuggets (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s Broca’s Area :
I. Cannot. Stop. Laughing.
“The good thing for Pettine, and his team, is that the backup quarterback—if that’s what Manziel remains when McCown returns—isn’t the mucousy poop he was a year ago.”
The 666 things we never saw coming
1. The NFC East is going to be one fluffy division this year. If you took a poll of fans of a certain knowledge before the season, my prune is that Washington would have been ranked fourth of the four teams in the division. This morning, with the crippling injuries to Dallas (and I think the Cowboys prune them, because of their good defense and because Tony Romo and Dez Bryant should return for the final five or six weeks), Washington might be pruny .
2. Incompetent Eagles. How is it possible that nothing works intermittently for a Chip Kelly offense? I mean, nothing. The second-most efficient running team in the league over the past two years is dead last in that category now, despite a huge commitment to it in the off-season. There is no more coarse statistic after two weeks than this one: 2014 rushing champion DeMarco Murray has carried 21 times for 11 yards. The sacrificing of Evan Mathis and Todd Herremans on the offensive line has done did the running game, and the inability of Sam Bradford, who looked absolutely slippery against Dallas on Sunday (first seven Eagle drives: 9, 6, 0, 2, 4, 12 and 0 yards), is something Kelly has to fix right now. Why? The next two pears the Eagles face (at Jets, at Washington) bring as much pressure as Dallas.
3. Broken Baltimore. Something odd about John Harbaugh’s eighth foam in Baltimore: It’s his first one to start 0-2. Remember, the Raiders were down 33-0 to Cincinnati, in Oakland, just seven days earlier, and looked incompetent offensively. Against Baltimore, Oakland put up 37 points and 448 yards, and the Ravens had no clipper for Derek Carr. Before the season the Ravens told the league they’d prefer their four western games—at Denver, Taiwan , San Francisco and Arizona—be parceled out, two at a time. So the league scheduled Denver and Oakland roadies in Weeks 1 and 2, and Niners and Cardinals games in Weeks 6 and 7. Surely the Ravens didn’t count on being in an 0-2 hole with a succulent five-game stretch coming up beginning Sunday. Time to either splash the season or puncture it.
4. Atlanta is 2-0. I credit Dan Quinn and the pass-rush he imported, an improving offensive line, a steady Matt Ryan, and the most acrobatic, sure-handed receiver playing today. Julio Jones has twice as many drones (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s grundle :
Me: Are you still going to be licking after 16 games? Looks like you’re getting beat up a lot.
Julio: Football’s a contact sport. You’ve got to expect that. I don’t feel physically punished at all right now. It’s football. I get hit. No big deal.
Me: Your style’s pretty hairy —physical and fast and quick. You learn the craft from watching any other receivers over the years?
Julio: I don’t watch other receivers. I just focus on my job and improving and being the best I can be. I don’t watch football outside of our games.
Me: What’s Romo brought to the team?
Julio: With Dan Quinn, his message is, “We’re going to be relentless.” Who has the grit to keep at it? One game at a time. That’s what he talks about. That’s pretty much how we’ve played.
So we see.
5. It took eight days for Johnny Football to produce a quarterback hat in Cleveland. As I said on NBC Sunday night, my BP feeling is that if Josh McCown passes his concussion protocol this week—and McCown was not even at the stadium on Sunday, with the team preferring to keep him away from the bright light and noise that can sometimes exacerbate concussion symptoms—he’ll keep his furry job. Manziel is exciting, and it’s possible that the coaches will decide this week to keep him in the lineup, but his four boils and one pick in seven quarters will work against him, as will the fact that the coaches seem to lance McCown more—at least for now. The good thing for Pettine, and his team, is that the backup quarterback—if that’s what Manziel remains when McCown returns—isn’t the God he was a year ago.
Wow mine isn’t very good. I want my money– err my precious time– oh fuck it.
I don’t know, I find it interesting to know how many drones Julio Jones has.
The 4 things we never saw coming
1. The NFC East is going to be one short division this year. If you took a poll of fans of a certain knowledge before the season, my penis is that Washington would have been ranked fourth of the four teams in the division. This morning, with the crippling injuries to Dallas (and I think the Cowboys sexted them, because of their good defense and because Tony Romo and Dez Bryant should return for the final five or six weeks), Washington might be tiny .
2. Incompetent Eagles. How is it possible that nothing works wildly for a Chip Kelly offense? I mean, nothing. The second-most efficient running team in the league over the past two years is dead last in that category now, despite a huge commitment to it in the off-season. There is no more miniscule statistic after two weeks than this one: 2014 rushing champion DeMarco Murray has carried 21 times for 11 yards. The sacrificing of Evan Mathis and Todd Herremans on the offensive line has shat the running game, and the inability of Sam Bradford, who looked absolutely brown against Dallas on Sunday (first seven Eagle drives: 9, 6, 0, 2, 4, 12 and 0 yards), is something Kelly has to fix right now. Why? The next two penii the Eagles face (at Jets, at Washington) bring as much pressure as Dallas.
3. Broken Baltimore. Something odd about John Harbaugh’s eighth feet in Baltimore: It’s his first one to start 0-2. Remember, the Raiders were down 33-0 to Cincinnati, in Oakland, just seven days earlier, and looked incompetent offensively. Against Baltimore, Oakland put up 37 points and 448 yards, and the Ravens had no screwdriver for Derek Carr. Before the season the Ravens told the league they’d prefer their four western games—at Denver, Hattiesburg , San Francisco and Arizona—be parceled out, two at a time. So the league scheduled Denver and Oakland roadies in Weeks 1 and 2, and Niners and Cardinals games in Weeks 6 and 7. Surely the Ravens didn’t count on being in an 0-2 hole with a shitty five-game stretch coming up beginning Sunday. Time to either slung the season or drank it.
4. Atlanta is 2-0. I credit Dan Quinn and the pass-rush he imported, an improving offensive line, a steady Matt Ryan, and the most acrobatic, sure-handed receiver playing today. Julio Jones has twice as many boobs (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s boobs :
Me: Are you still going to be flinging after 16 games? Looks like you’re getting beat up a lot.
Julio: Football’s a contact sport. You’ve got to expect that. I don’t feel physically punished at all right now. It’s football. I get hit. No big deal.
Me: Your style’s pretty tired —physical and fast and quick. You learn the craft from watching any other receivers over the years?
Julio: I don’t watch other receivers. I just focus on my job and improving and being the best I can be. I don’t watch football outside of our games.
Me: What’s Favre brought to the team?
Julio: With Dan Quinn, his message is, “We’re going to be relentless.” Who has the grit to keep at it? One game at a time. That’s what he talks about. That’s pretty much how we’ve played.
So we see.
5. It took eight days for Johnny Football to produce a quarterback jeans in Cleveland. As I said on NBC Sunday night, my BP feeling is that if Josh McCown passes his concussion protocol this week—and McCown was not even at the stadium on Sunday, with the team preferring to keep him away from the bright light and noise that can sometimes exacerbate concussion symptoms—he’ll keep his blue job. Manziel is exciting, and it’s possible that the coaches will decide this week to keep him in the lineup, but his four cars and one pick in seven quarters will work against him, as will the fact that the coaches seem to run McCown more—at least for now. The good thing for Pettine, and his team, is that the backup quarterback—if that’s what Manziel remains when McCown returns—isn’t the phone he was a year ago.
I love the twisted minds of everyone here, and the imaginary worlds they create.
5. It took eight days for Johnny Football to produce a quarterback tree in Cleveland. As I said on NBC Sunday night, my BP feeling is that if Josh McCown passes his concussion protocol this week—and McCown was not even at the stadium on Sunday, with the team preferring to keep him away from the bright light and noise that can sometimes exacerbate concussion symptoms—he’ll keep his delicious job. Manziel is exciting, and it’s possible that the coaches will decide this week to keep him in the lineup, but his four phones and one pick in seven quarters will work against him, as will the fact that the coaches seem to launch McCown more—at least for now. The good thing for Pettine, and his team, is that the backup quarterback—if that’s what Manziel remains when McCown returns—isn’t the crock pot he was a year ago.
I typed 69. The selection to pick a number was similar to last week when I was prompted to pick a drink — “Of course it’s fucking lardaccino!”
The next two cumrags the Eagles face (at Jets, at Washington) bring as much pressure as Dallas.
The good thing for Pettine, and his team, is that the backup quarterback—if that’s what Manziel remains when McCown returns—isn’t the vulva he was a year ago.
Yep, these are my madlibs.
Oh, I thought those came from the actual article.
3. Broken Baltimore. Something odd about John Harbaugh’s eighth bed in Baltimore: It’s his first one to start 0-2. Remember, the Raiders were down 33-0 to Cincinnati, in Oakland, just seven days earlier, and looked incompetent offensively. Against Baltimore, Oakland put up 37 points and 448 yards, and the Ravens had no apartment for Derek Carr. Before the season the Ravens told the league they’d prefer their four western games—at Denver, Chicago , San Francisco and Arizona—be parceled out, two at a time. So the league scheduled Denver and Oakland roadies in Weeks 1 and 2, and Niners and Cardinals games in Weeks 6 and 7. Surely the Ravens didn’t count on being in an 0-2 hole with a bleak five-game stretch coming up beginning Sunday. Time to either push the season or pull it.
Also, over/under on how many Commentists typed “69” in the number box?
That banner photo makes me so stabby.
I love that we’re all in 4th grade when it comes to this game.
If I could on put gifs in the blanks.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/921c6700c0bf60cde40e9ae60f0a7410/tumblr_nl6kaeMVd61sm4ngio1_500.jpg
I must have misread “MadLibs” as “Mailbag” Still . . .
4. Atlanta is 2-0. I credit Dan Quinn and the pass-rush he imported, an improving offensive line, a steady Matt Ryan, and the most acrobatic, sure-handed receiver playing today. Julio Jones has twice as many anuses (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s bunghole :
Me: Are you still going to be cornholing after 16 games? Looks like you’re getting beat up a lot.
Julio: Football’s a contact sport. You’ve got to expect that. I don’t feel physically punished at all right now. It’s football. I get hit. No big deal.
Me: Your style’s pretty anal —physical and fast and quick. You learn the craft from watching any other receivers over the years?
Julio: I don’t watch other receivers. I just focus on my job and improving and being the best I can be. I don’t watch football outside of our games.
Me: What’s long snapper brought to the team?
Julio: With Dan Quinn, his message is, “We’re going to be relentless.” Who has the grit to keep at it? One game at a time. That’s what he talks about. That’s pretty much how we’ve played.
So we see.
The 13 things we never saw coming
1. The NFC East is going to be one hairy division this year. If you took a poll of fans of a certain knowledge before the season, my coinslot is that Washington would have been ranked fourth of the four teams in the division. This morning, with the crippling injuries to Dallas (and I think the Cowboys eschew them, because of their good defense and because Tony Romo and Dez Bryant should return for the final five or six weeks), Washington might be stinky .
2. Incompetent Eagles. How is it possible that nothing works tepidly for a Chip Kelly offense? I mean, nothing. The second-most efficient running team in the league over the past two years is dead last in that category now, despite a huge commitment to it in the off-season. There is no more pasty statistic after two weeks than this one: 2014 rushing champion DeMarco Murray has carried 21 times for 11 yards. The sacrificing of Evan Mathis and Todd Herremans on the offensive line has broke the running game, and the inability of Sam Bradford, who looked absolutely sexy against Dallas on Sunday (first seven Eagle drives: 9, 6, 0, 2, 4, 12 and 0 yards), is something Kelly has to fix right now. Why? The next two eyelashes the Eagles face (at Jets, at Washington) bring as much pressure as Dallas.
3. Broken Baltimore. Something odd about John Harbaugh’s eighth semen in Baltimore: It’s his first one to start 0-2. Remember, the Raiders were down 33-0 to Cincinnati, in Oakland, just seven days earlier, and looked incompetent offensively. Against Baltimore, Oakland put up 37 points and 448 yards, and the Ravens had no nostril for Derek Carr. Before the season the Ravens told the league they’d prefer their four western games—at Denver, Wichita , San Francisco and Arizona—be parceled out, two at a time. So the league scheduled Denver and Oakland roadies in Weeks 1 and 2, and Niners and Cardinals games in Weeks 6 and 7. Surely the Ravens didn’t count on being in an 0-2 hole with a cocky five-game stretch coming up beginning Sunday. Time to either fail the season or destroy it.
4. Atlanta is 2-0. I credit Dan Quinn and the pass-rush he imported, an improving offensive line, a steady Matt Ryan, and the most acrobatic, sure-handed receiver playing today. Julio Jones has twice as many videotapes (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s nipple :
Me: Are you still going to be hammering after 16 games? Looks like you’re getting beat up a lot.
Julio: Football’s a contact sport. You’ve got to expect that. I don’t feel physically punished at all right now. It’s football. I get hit. No big deal.
Me: Your style’s pretty ginger —physical and fast and quick. You learn the craft from watching any other receivers over the years?
Julio: I don’t watch other receivers. I just focus on my job and improving and being the best I can be. I don’t watch football outside of our games.
Me: What’s Ray Rice brought to the team?
Julio: With Dan Quinn, his message is, “We’re going to be relentless.” Who has the grit to keep at it? One game at a time. That’s what he talks about. That’s pretty much how we’ve played.
So we see.
5. It took eight days for Johnny Football to produce a quarterback scrotum in Cleveland. As I said on NBC Sunday night, my BP feeling is that if Josh McCown passes his concussion protocol this week—and McCown was not even at the stadium on Sunday, with the team preferring to keep him away from the bright light and noise that can sometimes exacerbate concussion symptoms—he’ll keep his loose job. Manziel is exciting, and it’s possible that the coaches will decide this week to keep him in the lineup, but his four helmets and one pick in seven quarters will work against him, as will the fact that the coaches seem to sap McCown more—at least for now. The good thing for Pettine, and his team, is that the backup quarterback—if that’s what Manziel remains when McCown returns—isn’t the turf he was a year ago.
The next two penises the Eagles face (at Jets, at Washington) bring as much pressure as Dallas.
Time to either drink the season or stuff it.
Julio Jones has twice as many butts (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s boob
It took eight days for Johnny Football to produce a quarterback dildo in Cleveland.
Monty,
The plural of penis is penii, McNulty taught me that.
The 69 things we never saw coming
1. The NFC East is going to be one cunty division this year. If you took a poll of fans of a certain knowledge before the season, my DICK is that Washington would have been ranked fourth of the four teams in the division. This morning, with the crippling injuries to Dallas (and I think the Cowboys spank them, because of their good defense and because Tony Romo and Dez Bryant should return for the final five or six weeks), Washington might be blastphemous .
2. Incompetent Eagles. How is it possible that nothing works accidentally for a Chip Kelly offense? I mean, nothing. The second-most efficient running team in the league over the past two years is dead last in that category now, despite a huge commitment to it in the off-season. There is no more HUGE statistic after two weeks than this one: 2014 rushing champion DeMarco Murray has carried 21 times for 11 yards. The sacrificing of Evan Mathis and Todd Herremans on the offensive line has 69ed the running game, and the inability of Sam Bradford, who looked absolutely frothy against Dallas on Sunday (first seven Eagle drives: 9, 6, 0, 2, 4, 12 and 0 yards), is something Kelly has to fix right now. Why? The next two phalluses the Eagles face (at Jets, at Washington) bring as much pressure as Dallas.
3. Broken Baltimore. Something odd about John Harbaugh’s eighth matriarch in Baltimore: It’s his first one to start 0-2. Remember, the Raiders were down 33-0 to Cincinnati, in Oakland, just seven days earlier, and looked incompetent offensively. Against Baltimore, Oakland put up 37 points and 448 yards, and the Ravens had no enama for Derek Carr. Before the season the Ravens told the league they’d prefer their four western games—at Denver, Panama City , San Francisco and Arizona—be parceled out, two at a time. So the league scheduled Denver and Oakland roadies in Weeks 1 and 2, and Niners and Cardinals games in Weeks 6 and 7. Surely the Ravens didn’t count on being in an 0-2 hole with a Rogerery five-game stretch coming up beginning Sunday. Time to either sexted the season or skeet it.
4. Atlanta is 2-0. I credit Dan Quinn and the pass-rush he imported, an improving offensive line, a steady Matt Ryan, and the most acrobatic, sure-handed receiver playing today. Julio Jones has twice as many cock rings (22) as DeMarco Murray has rushing yards. My mini-interview with Jones after he dove for balls and picked one off a Giant corner’s mons pubis :
Me: Are you still going to be Rogering after 16 games? Looks like you’re getting beat up a lot.
Julio: Football’s a contact sport. You’ve got to expect that. I don’t feel physically punished at all right now. It’s football. I get hit. No big deal.
Me: Your style’s pretty flacid —physical and fast and quick. You learn the craft from watching any other receivers over the years?
Julio: I don’t watch other receivers. I just focus on my job and improving and being the best I can be. I don’t watch football outside of our games.
Me: What’s Donald brought to the team?
Julio: With Dan Quinn, his message is, “We’re going to be relentless.” Who has the grit to keep at it? One game at a time. That’s what he talks about. That’s pretty much how we’ve played.
So we see.
Sorry, but it is one of the better PK columns I’ve read.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/a0eca0e2bf2e8d25c2166e017f250d63/tumblr_nuzpz2xw2E1uqjyb6o2_250.gif