Tony Romo Sings The Hits Of Cat Stevens

Hey, Cowboys fans! Depressed because yet another season has gone down in flames thanks to your brittle quarterback? Wondering what to do with your Sundays to avoid watching Brandon Weeden shit the bed? Well, here at K-Hel Records, we have your answer! Since he can’t sling a ball for a while, Tony Romo has decided to sling a song! (Wait…sing a slong? Sling a slong?) And he’s covering the greatest hits from rock and roll’s greatest artist: Cat Stevens! Just $9.95 (plus tax, shipping, handling, processing, fees, and livery charges) gets you all of Tony’s favorite Cat-tunes:

Wild World

Now that my collarbone’s broke in two

And the team’s playoff hopes are through

(Kinda bummed that we still have Weeden – our offense is bleedin’)

So if our fans abandon us, I don’t care

‘Cause I’ve got a lot of clothes to wear

And lots of guaranteed dollars from the Jer.

Ooh baby baby, I get piled on

The other guys hate me, because of my smile, girl

Ooh baby baby, I get piled on

And the Cowboys are gonna lose for a while, girl.

Peace Train

Now I was pretty happy lately

Thinking about a playoff run

And I believed we could be

Having some Super Bowl fun

But then there was a bad tackle

And my body began to hurt a ton

And I believed the Cowboys

Were just as good as done.

The feeling along my clavicle

I call the Beast Pain

Gotta start taking lots of pills

To feel mellow again.

Morning Has Broken

Clavicle’s broken like a few years ago

Trainer has spoken: “It don’t look good”

Weeden’s my backup; Weeden is doopy

Jerry would frown now, if only he could.

 

Yes, feel the pain along with Tony! Act now, and we’ll help you and Ben Carson forget all about Cat Stevens’ new anti-American name!

Yusuf

 

SonOfSpam

SonOfSpam

SonOfSpam has often derided other cultures, mainly yogurt. His work has often been described as “not there” and “imaginary.” He currently lives with several other people, at least until they find out.
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam
SonOfSpam has often derided other cultures, mainly yogurt. His work has often been described as "not there" and "imaginary." He currently lives with several other people, at least until they find out.

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Don T
Member

Weeden’s B-side of “Oh Very Young” promises to be extra soulful.

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

He bangs his head and lies on the turf
He must be hurt very badly
Now the Boys are playing so sadly
But Doopy’s in store to light up the park
He’s destined to start, oh but trust me
He’ll throw picks cause that’s how it must be
Jerrah Jerrah, sad Jerrah Jerrah

nomonkeyfun
Member

I hope all of you are aware that the Cowboys have signed Matt Cassel, Matt fucking Cassel, to be Weeden’s backup.

Matt Cassel, a man who lost his job to a post-Cleveland Brady Quinn, a man who could not beat out Christian Ponder and Josh Freeman for a starting job. That Matt Cassel. I don’t really think Kellen Clemens will be a good NFL QB, but he really can’t be any worse, can he. Matt Cassel, a man who spent his college career as a back up at USC, he was beaten out of the job by a younger Matt Leinart. Matt Cassel, is that really the best that is available. I’d rather have Dave Krieg, Vinnie Testaverde, or the Kubs today as my backup.

Beerguyrob
Member

John Kitna probably didn’t want to ditch school.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

And a bonus track:

A rendition of Cats in the Cradle sung by c-list celebrity Breckin Meyer who looks and sounds enough like Tony that noone will ever know he sang it!

monty this seems strange to me
Member

I had a “Cat’s In The Cradle” take-off involving RGIII rattling around in my head earlier today, but I think I’ll shelve it now. This is better than I would have come up with.

Bloody Lethal
Member
Bloody Lethal

Well the dopples been gangled
And my smile too
Could star in a movie
Just playing you

When you gonna play Tony?
Don’t know when.
Might be never again, Breck,
Maybe never againnnnnnn

Old School Zero
Member

This made me think of “If you want to sing out, sing out” which instantly cast Romo as Harold and all these season ending injuries are just cries for attention from his rich and vacant head of the family (Jerrah).

JerBear50
Member
JerBear50

Maybe he’ll start funeral-crashing with Virginia McCaskey.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

When I saw that image of Tony Romo wearing a fratty white hat endorsing “golfdogs.com”, I assumed that this was an announcement of his greatest hits album, “The Essential Tony Romo”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

The worst part about this was some hysterical housewife heard Romo was playing “Yusuf Islam” music down at K-Hel Records and called the police, and when the cops got there they saw his wristwatch and arrested him because they thought it was a bomb.

Downfield Matriculator
Member
Downfield Matriculator

Sneaky — I would have thought Catler would be covering Cat Stevens (and Romo maybe Jessica Simpson?).

I guess Catler should take a page from Ryan Adams and cover Taylor Swift as most Bears fans think he should just shake it off.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Member
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Actually Jay Cutler prefers the music of Cat Power.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I should have presented this in riddle form: What is Jay Cutler’s favorite musician AND his superhero ability that allows him to maintain complete indifference to anything that is happening around him?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

Peter Criss and Quaaludes?

Big Black Richard
Member
Big Black Richard

No, but I like the way you think.

King Hippo
Member


Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

For background purposes…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

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