Start or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

OK, Week 3 gearing up, and once again, work sucks, your lives are a mess, and the NFC East remains a radioactive clusterfuck. Some things never change, really!

This is gonna be another short mailbag this week, because we seem to have a lack of #content being submitted to fill these damn things up. Regardless, I am soldiering on in the face of all this, and have to remind you all now to SEND ME YOUR SHIT EACH WEEK SO WE HAVE THINGS TO TALK ABOUT. (Email is at the bottom of the article).

Maestro, I have some questions!

Oh shit, I hope I have answers.

[Looks down email]

Football is easy this week! Sex is gonna be a clusterfuck. Shit.

Flacco vs. CIN, or Sam Bradford @NYJ? Bradford’s gotta wake up, right? RIGHT?!

I don’t think I can state enough just how much of a garbage fire the Eagles are this season; and keep in mind that if any of their offensive starters go down, they are somehow gonna get even worse. Throw on top of that in how the Jets’ D will literally eat DeMarco Murray and possibly Tiny Darren if they want dessert, there is no sensible person who is gonna be starting Bram Sadford on Sunday. Go with the #ELITE option.

Sex (ethics, really): you see your married male buddy passionately kissing and groping another guy at a bar you just entered. Should you say hi, stay away, take a pic of them, or leave? And, do you breach the subject with your buddy or with the wife?

Oh fuck, whatever you do, don’t talk to his wife. You don’t wanna be the bearer of bad news in that situation. I’d feel pretty guilty knowing that it was my info that potentially broke up a marriage. If his wife needs to know, let him do the talking. If you still feel the need to talk to him about it, just try and keep it light, I guess. Probably do it afterwards – like the next day or two, maybe. It’s OK to feel weirded out by the situation – I totally understand at seeing how non sequitur that would be – but I’m admittedly on the fence about snapping a pic. As much as you wanna prove you saw it, I feel like it’s an invasion of privacy, and while he may still deny his actions, deep down, he knows what he did. If he doesn’t want to own up immediately, fine. Whatever. But know that the guilt is eating at him, little by little, and it’s up to him to take action to figure out just what the fuck’s going on in his life.

By the way, I’ve seen this exact situation play out before – the husband and wife ended up divorcing over it. It was shitty all around. The kids weren’t right for a long time because of it. It’s not something we should be actively promoting – whenever possible, just try and leave them to figure out their own shit, because otherwise, it gets all over your hands and nobody wants that.

So that’s it for this week. Keep sending shit for me, pretty please!

For all readers – if you have questions about fantasy football and/or your love life, please send all inquiries to [email protected]. The Mailbag will be published every Friday, pending enough submitted material (hint, hint…).