Week 4 kicked off last night with an abortion of a football game between the Steelers and Ravens, which I managed to catch only the very tail end of – the Josh Scobee missed field goal and the overtime inanity of the Steelers’ playcalling. So all in all, this has been somewhat of an ugly start. Throw in all the other ugliness – almost every quarterback previously worth a damn is either injured or shitty (and we’ll toss Andrew Luck onto this pile of bodies), and you’re moving perilously close to a complete and utter disaster. I can’t wait for the Raiders to move to 3-1 and the Jags to beat the Colts!

In lighter news, the NFL didn’t have an arrest in a full calendar month for the first time since 2009! Yay! THE INTEGRITY OF THE SHIELD REMAINS INTACT.

Now, onto the questions!

Flex question for a 10-person yahoo league.  I had the misfortune starting the “active” Chris Ivory last week.  Luckily, Devonta Freeman and Aaron Rodgers came to the rescue and I won.  My question is: will Chris Ivory return to form or should I take my chances on a banged up Alshon Jeffery?

Cheers,

Alex

Oh boy. Fuck, the injury bug is really biting everyone in the ass waaaay early this year. My thoughts:

• Chris Ivory has to deal with being part of a balanced attack in the Jets’ offence, which due to high talent in their wideouts in Marshall and Decker, has tended to swing to the pass-heavy side of the spectrum at times. Obviously, that could take away potential carries from him. Not to mention that he’ll have to deal with Ndamukong Suh and the Dolphins’ run defense this week. As shitty as Miami are this season, that defense still has potential to wreak havoc.
• Alshon Jeffery has to deal with Jimmy Fucking Clausen as his QB. This is a man so inept at the position that the Bears punted on all 10 possessions they had against the Seahawks last week. Not only that, ESPN’s Jeff Dickerson is claiming Jeffery is highly likely to miss Week 4, so clearly that hamstring is troubling him quite a bit.

So all in all, definitely Ivory. It’s not much of a debate, really.

For the Mailbag Monitor,

No sexy time question, happily married, and she’s into fun, weird shit.

You married people are so boring and yet so exciting and lucky all at the same goddamn time. Fuck.

Fantasy: Matty Ice vs. the Fightin’ Watts, or King Laserface versus Factory o’ Sadness. Standard scoring, no Sill Insanity. Ryan had a nice game against the Cowboys while Marmalard was terrible. That said, it’s King Laserface vs. the Browns. NOW GET TO PICKIN’ CAUSE I’M TOO DUMB AND LAZY.

A Schmuck from Pennsylvania

Hmmm. Matty Ice just chucking shit up to a red-hot Julio Jones who could probably catch a goddamn comet right now, considering his start to the season, or an evangelical hall monitor against a terrible defense? JJ Watt still has the potential to murder people, not to mention Clowney, so for this, I’m gonna take the safer bet and say Rivers. The Browns lost at home last week to the fucking Raiders. THE RAIDERS. I like my chances with San Diego, considering that recent history.

Now, an actual sex question!

What is your opinion on “Netflix and chill” – is this really a thing? Do you consider this to be a cop-out when it comes to looking for a date, or are we truly sitting on the bleeding edge of societal progress, where broadband, a flatscreen, a couch, and a bowl of popcorn are the only items now necessary to fulfilling carnal gratification and/or human intimacy? A lot of my friends seem to be divided on the subject, and I can’t make up my mind on it.

So I’ll preface this by saying that in college, this is absolutely 10000% a real thing, and I definitely partook in it, though the concept was not nearly as well-defined as it is now. Here’s the thing, though: I think that as this carries over into more and more demographics of people, the group of society that approves of “Netflix and chill” are not merely just those who are comfortable with casual hookups, but are also potentially those whose work lives, etc. may just eat up so much of their time. To to simply be able to pick up an iPhone and swipe right on Tinder until you have a willing participant, or to text someone late at night who’s also game for “a few episodes of Friends” is not only just looking for adventure, but sometimes a decompression strategy as well.

Dating is fucking expensive. Relationships can drain you, financially, physically, emotionally, etc.; if there exists an option to spend time with a human being that both can enjoy mutually, in multiple ways, for a low investment, that’s a good starting point into perhaps taking further steps. The reality is that more and more people are starting to work crazy amounts of hours; I myself work 9-9 3 days a week and 9-5 on two others. Sometimes you just don’t have time/energy/whatever to direct yourself into another human being’s life in an intimate manner. That’s why Netflix and chill can be the ultimate equalizer.

The key, though, is that hopefully you’re both on the same page as to what to expect from the get-go. “Netflix and chill” needs to be clearly defined, otherwise then you have 300 missed phone calls and your partner’s name carved into your car door. (Fortunately, I never did experience either of those things, but I know that not all of you were so lucky.) So as long as you’re a person of discriminating taste and a clear communicator, then Netflix and chill can be a fun and easy option for you to enjoy as well.

But yeah. Don’t use it as a date. If someone wants you to take them on an actual date or vice versa, don’t use it as the focal point. Go out and do your thing, and come home later and put something on TV. But to answer the question in a very, very long-winded manner, Netflix and chill can be fun and fulfilling if done properly, but it is not a replacement for an actual date if someone was expecting more.

I had Netflix and chill sessions grow into something more – it can happen! But don’t make it your MO. Not everyone is down for that, obviously.

This said, I predict we’ll see the rise of Netflix and chill as a widespread concept very soon – much more than just the domain of overstimulated college students. We’ll see what happens when it does. Pack protection.