“Late in the evening the American Football Fan, awash in a sea of carbohydrates and intoxicants, settles down for the evening. Its energy is spent and the couch sings its siren song-few can resist. Those that have already found their way back to their lair begin to go over-in what could be called their minds-the things they’ll type on blog sites or shout into phones during call-in shows the following day.”
Dal @ NO: Good news for the Cowboys-Ingram is not Devonta Freeman and Spiller isn’t anyone at this point. Dallas should be able to put Taylor Swift behind this O-Line and get 75 yards out of her. The only concern would be the song she inevitably comes out with detailing the lack of support Weeden gave her and that she has to move on now. Can you see the despair in Brees’ eyes as he surveys the diseased deathscape that is the Saints roster? The one that reminds him of New Orleans post-Katrina?
I’m kinda sad I didn’t spend money on a scrub and lotion called Doppleganger, but I haven’t heard from my doppleganger in a couple years, since she stole crates of booze from that bar near me, and I was very confused upon trying to buy a beer and being initially rebuffed.
Psych them out Weeden throw to the left side!
How the Cowboys came out in this game:
http://www.jamesrocchi.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/Charlton-Heston-2.j-webpg.jpg
How they’ll leave:
http://www.cultreviews.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/the-omega-man-5.png
But what will the Will Smith remake look like?
Note to self. Probably should go set my alarm now. I’ve been smart enough not to schedule shit other than work on Monday mornings, but given how Sundays go, that’s enough.
Making homemade pizza for noshing tonight. My son wants a Hawaiian style pizza with pineapple and ham. Should a be worried?
I like that occasionally, but I’m a degenerate. Your son prbly likes pineapple cause it’s nature’s
*nature’s candy. Don’t indulge him.
*got caught in a reload, Sorry!
Oooh, anything can happen on Undateable Live?
/calls in air strike
Thursday on NBC another show you won’t watch and we still won’t stop talking about.
NBC or CBS. Which network has more annoying network show promos?
Fan Duel.
I think CBS has the most promos for shows that I question.
*Sponsored by DraftDuel
Why do they even bother advertising iPhones anymore? It’s like advertising coke or pepsi, we all know it exists and will buy it, even though they contain toxic chemicals.
Same reason Coke and Pepsi do, everybody knows for sure that RC Cola contains toxic chemicals.
It seems that Carr is never where he needs to be
So….do either of these teams know how to defense?
Yes the ole swinging gate defense.
I didn’t fall down while celebrating TEAM THAT IS PLAYING DALLAS TD. SMOOTH. I forgot to turn on the toaster over while putting in horrible Weight Watchers mini pizzas. ALSO SMOOTH.
I hope the Madden games have the TE+20, DB-20 changes in ratings when the offense runs a play-action pass on the two yard line.
Gee The Saints traded Jimmy Graham? I hadn’t heard.
Did Jimmy Graham ever play another sport besides football?
OH GOD WHERE IS JIMMY GRAHAM DID SOMEBODY CHECK THE BASKETBALL COURT?
WOO, NEITHER OF THESE TEAMS LOOK BAD WITH PINK BUT GO TEAM THAT IS BLACK AND GOLD AND PINK!!
HELLO MY FRIENDS ON DFO AND FORMERLY OF THAT OTHER SITE
I’ve been away on business (food & shelter for the foreseeable future!) and a funeral for a beloved uncle who died having accomplished everything you could want in life; when you are 94 years old you deserve to die, and he did it in spectacularly quiet fashion. We should all be as lucky and awesome as my Uncle Pete.
Here’s vintage Elizabeth Taylor to remind us all why we should keep breathing when we are young:
http://i.imgur.com/XyrrCYs.jpg
At that age, you don’t mourn his death; you celebrate his life.
You are absolutely right, and that’s what we did. In fact, my Uncle Pete just touched your life through your comment.
Hell Bells.
HOW THE FUCK YA DOIN BOYZ? Been a while, how is the KSK family doing this fine Sunday night?
HOOAH !
What’s “KSK”
A place that I hope rots in hell. FUCK YOU UPROXX!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Uproxx has been fucking themselves recently.
You mean turning a blog collective into a BuzzFeed ripoff isn’t turing out? SHOCKED, I SAY.
Hungover, but pretty stoned so status quo on a Sunday night.
When’s the last time someone said Brees isn’t tall enough to play qb? At least ten years ago?
Did you know Jerome Bettis is from Detroit?
JIMMY GRAHAM PLAYED BASKETBALL
Was waiting for them to mention Jimmy Graham played basketball.
somebody check on Carr ankles
Mark Ingram, still alive
LET’S GO DECADE AGO HURRICANE VICTIMS!!
“Roger Goodell doesn’t care about black people.”
Collinsworth must be hungover because he isn’t as annoying as usual.
I had no desire to watch this game, but I am literally so bored that I am going to watch it anyways.
HEY, NOBODY ASKED US WHAT WE WANTED!
Do you want some Dallas hate to motivate you? I have extra.
I’m only watching this because people won’t understand my comments if I’m reacting to “The Princess Bride”.
Bill Macy doing his best “If I adjust my legs just so, they won’t notice my erection” move.
http://i.imgur.com/DC7sCGN.jpg
Dark courdoroy pants ARE good for that. A wise man thinks ahead.
Lets go Saints!
I’m freshly waxed and ready for some Texas derp!
Freshly waxed? Just like my surfboard!
So definitely no pants.
seriously…they oughtta put McCown back in. This is sad.
“Yes, I’ll take ‘Words never before uttered in a Football game’ for $400, Alex.”
A McCown almost beat the Chargers today. I HAVE SUCH SHAME!
“Mawwage is a sacwad instewtion…”
Sorry, I was watching “The Princess Bride”.
GUMBO GUMBO GUMBO JAZZ JAZZ
RAIN AND BLACK PPL!
KATRINA FEMA
BLIGHTED NEIGHBORHOODS!
(Wait, that could be Detroit)
SHOW THE LEVIES!
Sir Richard left out anything about flatulence.
Fanduels has made my Sundays so much more interesting.
/Bullshit
?Have you seen my pants?
There are plenty of teams I’m indifferent to. Plenty of teams I like, but don’t love. Plenty of teams I dislike, but not to the level of hate.
But the teams I hate, I can’t imagine anyone being indifferent to them. I know the Patriots and Cowboys have fans (duh), but does anyone who isn’t a fan of these teams feel indifferent to them?
I imagine most Cowboys fans think everyone loves “America’s Team,” too. At least Patriots fans realize that everyone else hates their cheating fuckstick team. Cowboys fans, by and large, seem delusional.
At least Patriots fans realize that everyone else hates their cheating fuckstick team.
THEY HATE BECAUSE THEY AINT US!!! NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!!!!1111
I’ve never met a skins fan that would not spemd hoirs explaining/arguing that “this” year they are going all the way.
Married to an Arlington fan. She’s fully aware of how much her team is hated., for what it’s worth
FanDuel needs a JJ Watt in their commercials
Hey guys, did you know Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario are making a buddy road trip comedy being directed by William H. Macy for some reason? Here’s a pic from set, it looks like the girls are in trouble with the law!
http://i.imgur.com/3Mb89ti.jpg
Nope, I’m keeping them in my driveway for now.
You’re just itching to bad cop, aren’t you?
/is itching to play bad cop
Will we see tits? Everything else especially the plot is non-important.
Not to be all 2/10, but the brunette looks like she’s about to get kitana’d by Michonne.
I assure you she’s capable of looking better.
Oh, I could make lots of jokes that would sound very creepy.
NOW KISS!
Brought to you by Brazzers? Girlfriends Films?
I like how JJ has decided it’s fine for brands to use his likeness to show how he is definitely a crazy person
Me at the store about five hours ago:
‘One 6-pack will be plenty for tonight’s game.’
Guess what I’ll be doing at halftime…
Everclear?
There really is no hope that this season ends with anything other than the Pats repeating, is there?
The sooner you realize that, the easier it’ll be to handle.
Help me Green Bay Packers, you’re my only hope
It’s only Aikman and Dez coming back and the Cowboys giving them a run.
So…not really any hope at all, when you look at it like that.
I like how the [*Redacted] s defense actually looks better than another defense, even if it is the post-bounty Saints.
Incentives work bro!
Do the field goal hijinx of the day carry on this evening?
Dan Bailey, much like Brandon McManus and that asshole from Balmer, seem immune.
DeMarco Weeps
http://i.imgur.com/vj7o2XA.gif
Too much Doop, not enough Pantz imo
Out of beer. Now commenting from the bar at the bottom of my street
The Saints defensive game plan:
http://www.hfacs.com/images/swiss-cheese-1_0.gif
Hey, Terrance catching now.
Silly NBC, N’Awlins doesn’t even dress a defense.
Um, I think the Cowboys might wanna run the ball. Like, a LOT.
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/doopy-pantz.png?w=650
It still boggles my mind how high the Browns picked him.
I wish they could run in field goals.
Dance Lumbar
So next Eagles game it will be OU QB and RB vs OKSt QB and RB?
Bedlam!
YYYYYUUUUUUUUUGEEE RUN
Plaxico Burress is not a fan of the pistol formation.
On a scale of 1-10, how willing am I to make a proper Manhattan, 1 being bourbon in a cup, 3 being bourbon with a reasonable number of ice cubes, 5 being bourbon, ice cubes, and bitters, 7 being stirred, not shaken, 9 being all ingredients in a shaker, but not quite correct, 10 being a Manhattan, also correctly garnished.
Where does “straight from the bottle” fit on this scale?
What happened to the wine?
11. Fuck it. Drink the Bourbon neat.