[in the voice of Sir David Attenborough, noted documentarian]
“Here we see the common North American football fan in its lair. Sprawled amongst the bedsheets, it has had a mostly pleasant evening. Recent advances in the field of Dreamology indicate that the visions it has during the night consist primarily of unprotected and consequence-free sex with friend’s wives/husbands, teachers from high school, co-workers, waitresses, bus drivers, hobos, major political figures, deli clerks, people that held the door open, hair dressers, folks at the gym and individuals that have the STOP/SLOW sign at construction sites. There may be others but this area of Dreamology is getting bogged down in details to be honest. As it rises to face a new day it yawns and performs the ritualistic ‘vigorous scratching of the hind quarters’ and of course it must mark its porcelain territory as well.” [to be continued]
NYJ @ Mia: Miami has the home field advantage over in London but Ivory and Revis are back so that should even things out a bit. The Fins D has made Fitz-type (mediocre) QB’s look good. Tyrod and Bortles averaged a 92 QBR in their games against Miami. There’s talk already on fan sites that things are spinning out of control under Philbin. This implies that they were in a controlled spin before the season started which sounds about right. Seriously, a loss here will go quite far in determining how quickly/long they will #occupyAFCEastbasement. Across the field/ocean there’s plenty of huzzahs for Mr. Bowles who has applied a steady hand to the team in general and the D specifically. This sure looks like a sloppy romp by the Jets, doesn’t it?
There hasn’t been a bomb in London like this since the IRA was in town.
I wear my knee pads on my shins, for extra protection.
Having brown rice for brunch!
/don’t be all jelly
Are you wearing pants?
Yaaaaaaay more unnecessary injuries and penalties.
I love when a flag is thrown and there’s no replay; it’s the NFL equivalent of NBA playoff officiating.
If they lose this game, how many laps will Bowles make them do? After making them run all the way across the Atlantic, of course.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/6aa2f6ad6f7a96b9604c357f974aa45c/tumblr_nv5sioqpdk1r4o9xho1_r1_500.jpg
BackDraft Kings – the one where we kill it with fire
Why can’t I get my overly salted, high fat, high cholesterol breakfast at McDonald’s all the time?
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE A FUCKING WAR CRIME!!!!
They’re pilot testing all day breakfast here in San Diego…and now I want a damn McGriddle and hash browns.
“Why the fuck would we keep trying on offense? Nobody’s ever scored more than 27 points.”
I see the Jets are playing the prevent special teams coverage as well.
That’s a bold move Cotton. Let’s see how it plays out.
The Jets special teams are just that.
Jets self-awareness…returning…
“Alex Smith doing his part,” I.e., not fucking up so badly the Chiefs are out of every game.
The real fear is that the dolphins score once more keeping Philbin alive one more week
Why the fuck does CBS have an Australian guy doing the intro/outro promo voiceover for the London game?
Shhhh, don’t tell them
http://i.imgur.com/xs2Dbhu.gif
There’s a difference?
Hey it’s okay if the Dolphins lose
We can’t get Limey announcers, but we can get a Limey shill for the advertisers?,
http://i.imgur.com/YAnFPlV.png
Of course the only guy in Wembley stadium wearing a [*Redacted] s get-up would have to be a gimp.
HEY, a British option for future Herr Doktor Zymm!!
NSFW (if you live in Sea World)
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpvfmethnj1qg39ewo1_500.gif
http://www.owned.com/media/images/2/0/6/9/20691/swim_with_the_dolphins_they_said_it_will_change_your_life_they_said_540.jpg
A comeback with a missed extra point feels right for this game.
I just figured out what’s going to get me up and moving today. An egg and cheese breakfast sandwich.
Holy shit that sounds delicious.
Alright alright I’m getting up.
I had bacon, fried egg (runny yolk), sharp cheddar on a toasted (in bacon grease) wheat burger bun. I am happy.
That sounds great.
I’m going to soft scramble a couple of eggs add in some sharp cheddar and put it between some toasted rye bread.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/dolphin-dont-care.gif
Fa loves Pa.
Hey if they kick a soccer ball into the stands in a Premier League game does the fan get to keep it?
Specifically this one…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2IXJsjW156U
I’d say he deserves it, but I think he’s dead.
It was a 5 year old girl and apparently she was fine. Even got a signed shirt from the guy that kicked the ball.
No word on whether or not Peter King tried to steal the shirt.
The most appropriate Twitter trend ever:
Trends · Change
Dolphins
Rare Blind Dolphins Have a Reason to Hope
81.3K Tweets about this trend
THEY HAVE A REASON TO HOPE, YOU GUYS
They said blind, not incompetent.
I may have spoken too soon.
So Antonio Cromartie kind of sucks.
Does every LSU WR have some odd hair face ?
Jets going with the rarely seen prevent offense AND prevent defense
“Break AND bend.”
http://media.giphy.com/media/dun0eDI6p2UIU/giphy.gif
Someone say Wall ‘O Dolphins?
http://the305.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/endless-dolphin.gif
Wooo?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/da12b12b6cf5953b812358cf99b7af1e/tumblr_nrmwnd7L6a1syvjuco1_100.gif
“Put a dolphin in ya butt…”
http://33.media.tumblr.com/8a9ae73a345467bca1ddbd35ced12a99/tumblr_no5hrilpMs1syvjuco1_100.gif
A benefit for Fitzpatrick is having Chan Gailey as Offensive Coordinator.
There are so many things wrong with that statement I don’t even know where to start.
One of these days, announcers will give Brandon Marshall credit for making QBs look competent.
Which one?
is this the first time they talked about Geno getting punched?
I finally decided to come down from my tower because hopefully even the Jets can’t fuck this up and have me jinx it by coming downstairs to watch. But seriously, who are these guys and what have they done with my New York Jets?
/Also had to change pick’em stuff after learning Hodor’s out
The last time I saw ivory hit that hard 32 elephants were slaughtered by Sudanese guerillas.
+1 Konys (Konies?)
No wonder Ivory is always injured. Man can that guy hit!
https://twitter.com/WillBrinson/status/650703297360343040
This is my new favorite image on the internet that doesn’t show nipples.
The Dolphins might want to practice this new “tackling” concept the NFL has introduced….
FEEL THE FITZMAGIC
BLOODSUGARFITZMAGIC
“ICE T @FINALLEVEL 2m2 minutes ago
If you wanna learn about the Streets.. You gotta listen to someones who’s done it all. Money,Shoot Outs, Penitentiary. Not NEW to the game..”
I think he means Michael Vick.
He must be talking about his stint on Law & Order: SVU
I’m not sure who put up the link to that 1989 Aerostar van twitter account but it’s fucking hilarious. Almost as funny as the Dolphins’ blocking scheme.
For an oddly narrow theme, he sure gets a lot of mileage out of it.
That would be me.
$300.
https://twitter.com/Aerostars4Sale/status/647353524783828993
Fucking Thad
https://twitter.com/Aerostars4Sale/status/647117425163505664
So THAT’s what happened to Sammy Hagar!
https://twitter.com/Aerostars4Sale/status/650446505459978240
Now that’s a job I feel I can at least halfway do…
http://i.imgur.com/0AdNOve.png
Don’t know if Yahoo will be able to handle 20 people trying to stream a Jaguars game at once.
THe NFL offices are gonna make that many people work on a Sunday morning?
At the end of the third quarter it’s imaginary competent Jets 51, real Jets 27, Dolphins 7.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_me7pgplCyp1rvo0tro2_500.gif
http://img.4plebs.org/boards/tv/image/1376/35/1376350204667.gif
Maybe it’s because it’s early as hell, but is anyone else tripped out by CBS digitally painting in the team names in the endzones?
I’m tripped out, but that’s because of the drugs
That’s not why I’m tripped out.
Oh look, the NFL is going to live stream the Bills murdering the Jags on Yahoo.
It’s the Jaguars. “Assisted Suicide” at worst.
Buffalo vs Jacksonville on Oct 25.
May as well state NFL declares War on UK NFL Fans.
This gif is coming in handy
http://media.giphy.com/media/tP2fZCu4K9Yac/giphy.gif
Buffalo vs. Jacksonville: Why does the NFL love to hate-fuck London so much?
LOLphins.
This is exactly the level of NFL excellence Londoners have become accustomed to.
And why they’ve not embraced the game.
Based on the quality of this game, are we sure it’s not Thursday in London right now?
Incoherent rage-fueled rant against that bullshit call right here.
Side note: fuck you, Tannehill. Sadly you paid for that non-call.