[in the voice of Sir David Attenborough, noted documentarian]
“Here we see the common North American football fan in its lair. Sprawled amongst the bedsheets, it has had a mostly pleasant evening. Recent advances in the field of Dreamology indicate that the visions it has during the night consist primarily of unprotected and consequence-free sex with friend’s wives/husbands, teachers from high school, co-workers, waitresses, bus drivers, hobos, major political figures, deli clerks, people that held the door open, hair dressers, folks at the gym and individuals that have the STOP/SLOW sign at construction sites. There may be others but this area of Dreamology is getting bogged down in details to be honest. As it rises to face a new day it yawns and performs the ritualistic ‘vigorous scratching of the hind quarters’ and of course it must mark its porcelain territory as well.” [to be continued]
NYJ @ Mia: Miami has the home field advantage over in London but Ivory and Revis are back so that should even things out a bit. The Fins D has made Fitz-type (mediocre) QB’s look good. Tyrod and Bortles averaged a 92 QBR in their games against Miami. There’s talk already on fan sites that things are spinning out of control under Philbin. This implies that they were in a controlled spin before the season started which sounds about right. Seriously, a loss here will go quite far in determining how quickly/long they will #occupyAFCEastbasement. Across the field/ocean there’s plenty of huzzahs for Mr. Bowles who has applied a steady hand to the team in general and the D specifically. This sure looks like a sloppy romp by the Jets, doesn’t it?
Indy versus Houston? LOLNOPE.
Well that was pretty Jetsy right there too. Even if nothing too bad happened.
That’s right, Jets, just keep herping and derping your way to the end of the game.
Well, that’s the first time I’ve ever seen Dolphins kicked directly in the dick.
Hopefully that means this game is almost over.
Christ this is going to interfere with the 1 pm games isn’t it?
Nobody gives a shit what Mike Carey or Mike Pereirra have to say. Why the fuck do CBS and FOX think differently?
And… exhale.
Lookit the NFL getting a call right!
“I haven’t seen ivory get dropped like that since the last time I was in the prison shower”
-Jerry Sandusky
Yeeeesh
http://33.media.tumblr.com/f6788617dce67858db5ddb046344a8c1/tumblr_nua3o1yXra1qj0ctto1_500.gif
I believe my new neighbors are being introduced to something I like to call “enraged entropy.” I’m a lot less fun when I’m shouting at the top of my lungs at shit I cannot control.
+dS/dt
This game is still going on?
IT JUST WON’T END
Good thing the defense is well rested!
Oh
The Jets see the Dolphins’ herp and counter with derp.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
Do the Jets not want to win this game?
holy balls
http://31.media.tumblr.com/9380530e15d1e7d787e8ee37aebed1e2/tumblr_nu0iirhrzS1tqtn0mo1_1280.gif
Wait, a penalty for arguing for the referee? Shouldn’t that be every incompletion by Tom Brady?
http://40.media.tumblr.com/768e6a18281395525b61d4e1a471a66b/tumblr_nv3fi62hU21qin4ceo1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ytCEuuW2_A
Never gets old.
Oh, that is the most Dolphins thing I’ve ever seen.
FUCK YES.
REVISCEPTION
100% chance for another 4th down bullshit flag
Zero feet in bounds but I was surprised that wasn’t a PI.
Ryan Tannehill:
I was waiting for the flag on that, and even though he was out of bounds, I still expect it.
JJ Watt didn’t have a sack last week? Ha. Ha. BAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
“The pick play is only legal in New England.”
*for* New England. They are allowed to do it everywhere.
Dolphins turn to Jets.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_u84bWiYC3Ms/TEGTlhnPUII/AAAAAAAAASM/DRRt15q6RwA/s1600/dolphin.png
http://40.media.tumblr.com/f912707dd4a7116e43fa6d31fc7aea9a/tumblr_mp8islYWhe1syqmfdo2_r1_400.jpg
The holding replay was as technically refined as the Zapruder film.
But the announcers sure tried to sell it.
Jesus fucking Christ with these flags. Just give them the goddamn points if you want them to score so badly.
“If we give them all the plays to score on, that kills the clock.” -Jets defense
The New York Jets: We jets more before noon than most people jets all day.
It’s afternoon on the east coast, so it makes sense I guess. They just had to wake up.
You have got to be fucking kidding me.
Ah shit man.
Make it Rishard Matthews you fuck.
“That human was asking for it”
“Did you see how he was dressed? Nothing but a bathing suit!”
Lamar Miller: “I’m just here so I don’t get fined.”
“Known as The Hitman…”
Bret Hart plays for the Jets now?
Odds that Tannehill ends up in the sharpshooter?
I’d say his wife is more of a spray and pray sort of gunman.
The London Screwjob
Since the game’s in London will we have injury time added? Because if so this game will never end.
We get MOAR ADS
They should, however, have a running clock.
James Jones being interviewed on Fox about coming back to Green Bay, and he says, “we’re even living in the same neighborhood [as before]>
Uhh, yeah. It’s Green Bay. All the black families live in the same neighborhood. Because all the black families are Packers players.
It’s not even racism; there is literally ONE neighborhood in all of Green Bay!
ppl forget that,,imo
Can we not injure the entire defense? Kthanks.
Needs more sad injury music.
MOAR INJURIES
/puts shotgun in mouth
Tannehill throwing deep is like the opposite of the Sistine Chapel ceiling.
The I-10 Underpass Graffitti?
Cromartie lost…. Well, shit, everything in the sun. Receiver, ball, two kids….
Perhaps the Brits will be in for a cracker finish?