Start Or Sit (On Your Face): The DFO Fantasy/Sex Mailbag

The Maestro
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The Maestro

The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn’t in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
The Maestro
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So a lot of things coming up ahead this week. Cowboys have ditched Doopy Pantz for Matt Cassel, the Bears play the Lions to figure out who sucks worse, Aaron Rodgers gets to continue his reign of terror against a Chargers team that got gut-punched by Le’Veon Bell on Monday… I’m actually kind of intrigued at the matchups this week solely for matchups’ purposes, as overall, I have not been having a very good fantasy season this year, unfortunately.

Not that any of you particularly give a shit. But that’s fine.

So, onto this week’s set of queries!

FANTASY QUESTION: Cam Newton or Catler? Newton’s been MVP-like, but Seattle isn’t gonna be garbage forever… Catler is always looking for his next nap, but, Detroit has always been garbage. GET TO PICKIN, HOSER.

First, off hoser is a slur. We prefer the term “northern syrupian caucasoids” whenever possible. Much sweeter way of addressing us overall.

But about that… I agree, Newton’s had a great year. But I still don’t like the look of his wide receiver corps versus a Seahawks secondary that can easily handle second- and third-stringers, with Kelvin Benjamin having looooong been out for the year. Detroit is so, so, so bad, and apparently Cutler is getting Alshon Jeffery back this week to boot. Tender hamstring or not, if he plays, he’ll likely torch Detroit’s D.

So against my natural instincts, I find myself saying Cutler over Newton. But truthfully, I guess I just don’t care.

Hi-

Football:

I’m in a deep 2-QB league and so any QB is at a premium by Week 6. I have two durable/consistent starters but JFF on my bench as I was banking that the Browns would have thrown in the towel by now (or Joshua Treadwell McCown would have gotten hurt) but his chances to play seem quite unlikely moving forward. All the league starters (plus long duration fill ins like Vick) are scooped up. Checking our your crystal ball, which backup would you stash for potential use in Weeks 9/10 when my starters are on bye? If JFF isn’t gonna play this year, I’d like to use that roster spot to rotate weekly positional fill ins.

Oh wow. Actually, kudos for a really good question. This is a good challenge. Well, for one, considering the way the Eagles’ season has gone so far, you’d think Sam Bradford is probably nearing the end of his rope as Philly’s starter. Seems like an annual re-emergence of The Sanchize happens around Week 9 or 10, so if they’re still coasting along in mediocrity by then, you may well end up seeing him start. If nobody’s got RG3 yet either, scoop that up. Yes, Washington is miraculously somehow 2-3 to start, but they’re a shitty FedEx Field injury or a four-pick game from Kirk Cousins away from Danny Boy having another shitfit and Jay Gruden having no choice but to put him back in. What Snyder wants, Snyder gets, even when it remains putridly stupid as hell.

Some serious sleeper picks: EJ Manuel, Matt Cassel. Health at QB is always a problem, and the situation is just so incredibly fucky with both these teams right now that you never know what’s up.

As for Johnny Football: I still hold out hope he’ll play. Yeah, McCown has actually looked really, really good these past few weeks, but again, they’re one late hit away from him being right back in it. Considering McCown’s decision-making overall (plus the fact that he’s already had a concussion this season) might make someone argue that his style of play limits his durability. I don’t really know, honestly. I’d say that if JFF isn’t playing by week 8/9, you can flip him for some bye week fill-ins. That’s still 2-3 weeks to make an evaluation on it, though, so hopefully that might reveal some more about this going forward.

Face Sitting:

More relationship than sex: my longtime girlfriend’s mom passed almost a year ago (dad was dead long before that). She and her sister are estranged (at best — which is fine b/c the sister is drunk/white trash/etc) so she has no family. My GF and her friends are doing their growing apart thing so I’m really her main support person. That said, I’m a horrible support person. I still have all my family and have never lost anyone close to me. Plus I’m just not really an ’emotions’ person. Through her mom’s passing, I’d just kinda sit there and listen and have nothing to say. So, coming up on the anniversary of her mom’s passing, I’m trying to prepare myself. We’ve discussed taking a day trip to where her parents’ ashes were spread but, beyond that, I just figure I better plan on being available for a few days of her just talking and wanting to go through photo albums. Any advice on what else I am in for or what I can do to prepare?

Losing a loved one is absolutely shit, especially a parent. Admittedly, I have no idea what that’s like, myself, so my sincere condolences to her, and to you as well. Like you, I’m often really not quite sure what to do in those situations either, but I will say this: the fact that you are physically present and ready and willing to support her is a very good thing in itself, because these things are infinitely worse to deal with on your own. From what it sounds like, the trip is actually a really nice way of commemorating her life, and revisiting memories is also a big part of that. I think for you, you could probably do a lot by having her focus on the positive: ask her what her happiest memory of her mother was; the silliest thing she ever said or did; the memorable traditions she had in her family, etc. etc. You could also bring up maybe your own most positive memories of her mother as well (assuming you two got along of course) – on anniversaries, people want to celebrate lives, not revisit the grief and loss they’ve experienced. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, especially when it’s the people you love the most, but using this time to have her reflect on how her mother was a positive influence on her life will be infinitely better than just re-stating how much you miss her, etc.

So obviously, it may be a tricky thing to do at times, but making an effort on some of these things is still proving to your girlfriend that you care and are trying to support her, no matter what the end result may be. And in a healthy relationship, making that concerted effort to support and care for one another is the most valuable thing that you can do. So try not to stress about it too much – you’re already a very good person for wanting to do better at this. Hope this answers the question. Cheers.

Thx,

Drafted JFF 1-Overall

Thanks to everyone who submitted this week, and happy footballin’!

For all readers – if you have questions about fantasy football and/or your love life, please send all inquiries to dfo.submissions@gmail.com. The Mailbag will be published every Friday, pending enough submitted material (hint, hint…).

The Maestro
The Maestro
The Maestro is a mystical Canadian internet user and New England Patriots fan; when the weather is cooperative and the TV signal at his igloo is strong enough, he enjoys watching the NFL, the Ottawa Senators & REDBLACKS, and yelling into the abyss on Twitter. He is somehow allowed to teach music to high school students when he isn't in a blind rage about sports, and is also a known connoisseur of cheap beers across the Great White North.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/author/the-maestro/

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Moose -The End Is Well NighThe MaestroblaxabbathWakezillaEnrico Pallazzo Recent comment authors
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
blaxabbath

As Manziel gets pulled over after an escalation with his gf (booze involved).

#nomore

http://profootballspot.com/news/nfl/afc-north/cleveland-browns/johnny-manziel-pulled-over-by-police-r119/

Wakezilla

I think we’re around the week that I predicted Wilson was going to get killed because his O-Line is essentially a turnstile. I’d go* Cam over Catler this week. Catler playing Detroit kind of screams a Chicago win, but Catler throwing 2 or 3 picks.

As for spousal grievance support, I’ve lost a really good link discussing this, but this is a pretty good guideline to go with. Step 2, 5 and 6 are pretty big.

http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/comfort-wife-after-her-mom-dies-7800.html

Enrico Pallazzo

Trent Williams is out this week as well as the center. The [*Redacteds] will not play RG3 unless they absolutely have to. The Jets have a save DL.

Pick up Colt McCoy. He’s going to be starting soon. Really soon.