EPL Returns and a Much Improved JV NFL Slate – Good Open Saturday, Commentists

Our second cursed international break is over, and there are several intriguing matchups. Unfortunately, all of the best fixtures are on at the same time, with only once decent matchup (Spurs vs. Liverpool, 7:45, NBCSN) outside the traditonal Saturday 3pm (10am EST) window. Sigh.

Even putting my clear bias aside, the game of the week is again at Goodison Park, with Everton hosting Manchester United (10, NBCSN). Manure’s time back at the top of the table was very short-lived indeed, having crashed back to earth (and into 3rd place) following a 3-nil thrashing at the hands of Arsenal. The Toffees are coming off a similar letdown, a disappointing home draw against a shitty Shite squad, whose manager got the sack immediately after the match. There has been silly talk the past week (NOTE: there is always a metric fuckton of silly talk during international breaks, peeps get bored) about fat, out of form Wayne Rooney coming back to Everton. Why United woud agree to pay like 3/4 of his wages, give him up for free, and/or Rooney agree to a massive pay cut (when he has a guaranteed contract and could continue to get paid big bucks even after that ends to be a side show in MLS), nobody seems to explain. BECAUSE REASONS. Nor does anyone explain to me why a guy used to having his massive ass kissed on the regular would happily adjust to being a complementary player, boyhood favourite club or not. People are fucking stupid the whole world over. Ranting aside, these are the kind of games Everton must win – not fucking draw – if it wants to be taken seriously as a Champions League contender.

The other quality 10:00 fixtures are both on Extra Time only – 4th place Crystal Palace against 6th place West Ham, and 5th place Leicester City against 9th place Southampton. All of these teams are progressive upstarts of sorts, and it will be interesting to see if/how long they remain hot after the break. I do believe there is some real staying power with these sides, as the depth of quality has really increased. Massive improvement for the Premier League as a whole. And of course, you can always flip over to USA to point and laugh if Chelski manage to fall behind Villa, as these two shit squads derp it about the pitch.

As for the JV NFL action, this week’s slate makes up for last weekend…

West By God Virginia at Baylor (Noon, Fox)

Man, the October schedule ain’t been too kind to the cousinfuckers. Perhaps it’s also incest awareness month? In any event, they lack a reasonable QB, which seems like a problem going up against BayBay.

Iowa at Northwestern (Noon, ABC/ESPN2)

Holy shit, there are actually two kinda sorta compelling B1G games today! Will wonders never cease? Don’t expect too much scoring in this one, but it could still be a good game. I honestly had no idea Iowa was still undefeated. Nobody ever notices those bland sumbitches.

Louisville at Florida State (Noon, ESPN)

I was going to peg this as a great moneyline value bet, but then I noticed the line was only 7. Damn it, everyone has already noticed. The Noles are ripe for the picking, and the Fightin’ Petrinos are the kind of well-coached team (with just enough athleticism) poised to finish them off. QB situation finally settled, not the same team that herped and derped its way through that ugly loss to Auburn.

Alabama at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)

Both of these teams are in the Top 10 mostly by the “hey, somebody gotta be there” principle, but in College Station, this should be a loud and entertaining affair. Very possible that the Sabans are hitting their stride.

Michigan State at Michigan (3:30, ESPN)

If the past several weeks are any indication, Sparty is going to go into the Big House and get their pants pulled down. Or if my historical reading of narratives is any indication, the $9 Khakis are going to come in overconfident and get drop kicked back into place, and learn a valuable lesson in the mechanics/timeline of the rebuilding process. Anyway, it makes for interesting teevee if you don’t particularly care about either program.

Vanderbilt at South Carolina (4:00, SEC Network)

Just had to highlight this one, because it might be the worstest power conference game you see all year. If both good 3:30 games go to half at the same time, watch this tire fire (pronounced the South Cakalaky way, Tahr Fahhhr, and as a side note, they burn absolutely everything in that weird fucking state) for a bit and realize why Visor Boy retired mid-week.

Florida at LSU (7:00, ESPN)

Of all the interesting games, this one might be #1 on my list. Florida is not really Top 10 good. But they DO have loads of athletes, especially on defense. Do they have enough to stack the box and force the Bayou Bengals to throw? Does Les Miles have a Plan B to “give it to Fournette and hide the rest of the team behind #7?” I wanna find out, under the lights in Death Valley.

Boston College at Clemson (7:00, ESPNU)

Before (and during) the ND contest, I spoke a little of “pulling a Clemson” – but this is really where it would happen. At home against a team it should beat by 20+, but that it could take lightly and let hang around. The Eagles have a very good defense, and if they get a defensive/special teams TD and Clemson sputters…the jitters could set in. I just have a feeling about this one.

Arizona State at Utah (10:00, ESPN)

Team Secular Big Love is becoming the go-to choice for the tweaker/West Coast/DVR market. And with only one Sunday EPL match (which isn’t any good), you should definitely record this. The Sun Devils are usually fairly pesky, and the Utes didn’t exactly mash Cal at home last week – despite Goff tossing 5 picks.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
Subscribe
Notify of
214 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
WCS

One of my first students I ever had, going back to grad school, later went to Michigan State for grad school. He and I have remained good friends. As such,

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Oh, Meatchicken. That was GLORIOUS.

Also, Penn curbstomped Columbia. Today wasn’t a total loss.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NAILED IT!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, I do enjoy people getting hit by balls, so what?

Lothar of the Hill People

Bet she has a lot of friends.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Well that sucked. Need a huge win from Arrieta next…

blordinaryfagicmox

So in college, you’re down whether contact was made or not. So how can the holder catch the ball with his knee on the ground, and not be called down? For a kick maybe you could say he doesn’t have full possession, but on a fake like that?

blordinaryfagicmox

Yea that’s what it looks like,
“Exception: The ball remains alive when an offensive player has simulated a kick or at the snap is in position to kick the ball held for a place kick by a teammate. The ball may be kicked, passed or advanced by rule.”
from NCAA Rule 4, section 1, ARTICLE 3, part b.

blordinaryfagicmox

Like the saying goes, “Arizona is playing somewhere.”
http://giant.gfycat.com/BowedCapitalAfricanpiedkingfisher.gif

nomonkeyfun

Unless you’re going Ivy League or equivalent, why would anyone go to college in the Northern tier of the country?

blordinaryfagicmox
Lothar of the Hill People

ABC halftime show, dude tells Michigan fans to “leave the [punter] alone.”

Yes, the nutbags planning to harass the punter will hear the talking head on TV, and say to themselves, “What am I thinking? I should just leave the poor guy alone.”

Sure.

nomonkeyfun

Har-vey, Har-vey, Har-vey.

I’m worried about the next inning.

nomonkeyfun

Maybe Fournette should play both sides like the “real” men.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

OSU football versus Star Trek episode “The Naked Time”. I’m facing a tough choice.

nomonkeyfun

Is that an episode with 7 of 9? If so, “Naked Time” is the way to go.

Redshirt

No but there is a shirtless Sulu with a sword.

nomonkeyfun

Fabulous!!! I think I know that episode. Isn’t there sword fighting?

Redshirt

Yup

nomonkeyfun

Go with Star Trek.

nomonkeyfun

How did I miss the fact that shirtless Sulu has a sword.
I mean the jokes practically write themselves.

blordinaryfagicmox
nomonkeyfun

/Muffled statement from inside locker.

The best gift a boy from Ohio can give his father is Heisman.
The best gift a nerd can give his mother is dotting the I.
Even a OSU freak of a father would be proud if it was a Michigan.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
nomonkeyfun

Who else has no clue? Enquiring minds want to know.

It’s Donald Trump, innit.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He has glue.

Lothar of the Hill People

J.J. Watt is questionable (“illness”) for tomorrow.

Sounds like he has an iron deficiency, amirite?

nomonkeyfun

I would’ve thought he’d be out with an excess of grit.

Lothar of the Hill People

All the bumps make me think genital warts, and with that much body coverage, it’s gotta be Michigan State beating up Michigan, right?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lothar of the Hill People

Hot PSU fan in attendance. I don’t know how she was let out of the state.

blordinaryfagicmox

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Does anyone have a voodoo doll of Matt Harvey? Asking for a friend.

Lothar of the Hill People

Am I the only one who wonders if the Michigan punter took a payoff to throw the game?

nomonkeyfun

I hope his parents took out one of those Gerber policies on him. I don’t think the Harbs will be too friendly at practice this week.

Lothar of the Hill People

I dunno how psycho the average Michigan fan is, but if they are Ohio State level nutbags, the punter’s probably gotten at least 30 death threats already.

nomonkeyfun

They’re just as crazy, but they use big fancy words in their death threats.
Murder as opposed to kill.

nomonkeyfun

Yes, but I loved seeing Mike Wallace tell OSU jokes.

blordinaryfagicmox

Fat kicker alert for Penn State!

Lothar of the Hill People

5’10” and 259 pounds.

That’s not fat. That’s big-boned. And fat.

Lothar of the Hill People

And interestingly, the kicker has the same number as a d-lineman. Both are #99. Weird.

Lothar of the Hill People

The punter for Ohio State is #95 and he’s actually probably one of the best in the country. He’s the best player in the game so far.

Spanky Datass

Chubby back-up kicker alert for Florida!

nomonkeyfun

What’s wrong with a fat kicker?

-Seabass

nomonkeyfun

Fucking Murphy does it again!

nomonkeyfun

Yes ma’am.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, still think it’s funny.

blordinaryfagicmox

Well, picking the winner of this game based on how well their jerseys match won’t work for this game.
http://www.jic.org/files/contentimages/jewelry_trends/january-2013/color-wheel.jpg

blordinaryfagicmox

6 games on, and theyre all in commercial. Notre Dame doesn’t count.

blordinaryfagicmox

Neauxte, is that what they mine Aluminium from?

tundrajim

The last thing you would expect a Trojan to do is fail at protection.

blordinaryfagicmox

I didn’t think it was possible to be more turned on by pizza than I already was…

Redshirt

Yum! Food porn!!!!

tundrajim

Jesus, is there anybody in USC management who isn’t tanked?

Redshirt

HAHA Michigan!!!!

Redshirt

Punter fumbled returned for GW TD final play

nomonkeyfun

Sparty knows, “You play to win the game.”

Lothar of the Hill People

So, what is more likely? Harbs having a stroke, or Harbs putting his fist through the punter’s skull?

Big Black Richard

Y’all don’t sleep on University of Memphis. Their head coach was offensive coordinator at TCU, and I could totally see him making Memphis into the next TCU, should the school administration decide to fully buy into the plan.

Big Black Richard

My favorite Doctor Seuss book is set at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada. I’ve always been a big fan of Horton Hears a Ho.