EPL Returns and a Much Improved JV NFL Slate – Good Open Saturday, Commentists

Our second cursed international break is over, and there are several intriguing matchups. Unfortunately, all of the best fixtures are on at the same time, with only once decent matchup (Spurs vs. Liverpool, 7:45, NBCSN) outside the traditonal Saturday 3pm (10am EST) window. Sigh.

Even putting my clear bias aside, the game of the week is again at Goodison Park, with Everton hosting Manchester United (10, NBCSN). Manure’s time back at the top of the table was very short-lived indeed, having crashed back to earth (and into 3rd place) following a 3-nil thrashing at the hands of Arsenal. The Toffees are coming off a similar letdown, a disappointing home draw against a shitty Shite squad, whose manager got the sack immediately after the match. There has been silly talk the past week (NOTE: there is always a metric fuckton of silly talk during international breaks, peeps get bored) about fat, out of form Wayne Rooney coming back to Everton. Why United woud agree to pay like 3/4 of his wages, give him up for free, and/or Rooney agree to a massive pay cut (when he has a guaranteed contract and could continue to get paid big bucks even after that ends to be a side show in MLS), nobody seems to explain. BECAUSE REASONS. Nor does anyone explain to me why a guy used to having his massive ass kissed on the regular would happily adjust to being a complementary player, boyhood favourite club or not. People are fucking stupid the whole world over. Ranting aside, these are the kind of games Everton must win – not fucking draw – if it wants to be taken seriously as a Champions League contender.

The other quality 10:00 fixtures are both on Extra Time only – 4th place Crystal Palace against 6th place West Ham, and 5th place Leicester City against 9th place Southampton. All of these teams are progressive upstarts of sorts, and it will be interesting to see if/how long they remain hot after the break. I do believe there is some real staying power with these sides, as the depth of quality has really increased. Massive improvement for the Premier League as a whole. And of course, you can always flip over to USA to point and laugh if Chelski manage to fall behind Villa, as these two shit squads derp it about the pitch.

As for the JV NFL action, this week’s slate makes up for last weekend…

West By God Virginia at Baylor (Noon, Fox)

Man, the October schedule ain’t been too kind to the cousinfuckers. Perhaps it’s also incest awareness month? In any event, they lack a reasonable QB, which seems like a problem going up against BayBay.

Iowa at Northwestern (Noon, ABC/ESPN2)

Holy shit, there are actually two kinda sorta compelling B1G games today! Will wonders never cease? Don’t expect too much scoring in this one, but it could still be a good game. I honestly had no idea Iowa was still undefeated. Nobody ever notices those bland sumbitches.

Louisville at Florida State (Noon, ESPN)

I was going to peg this as a great moneyline value bet, but then I noticed the line was only 7. Damn it, everyone has already noticed. The Noles are ripe for the picking, and the Fightin’ Petrinos are the kind of well-coached team (with just enough athleticism) poised to finish them off. QB situation finally settled, not the same team that herped and derped its way through that ugly loss to Auburn.

Alabama at Texas A&M (3:30, CBS)

Both of these teams are in the Top 10 mostly by the “hey, somebody gotta be there” principle, but in College Station, this should be a loud and entertaining affair. Very possible that the Sabans are hitting their stride.

Michigan State at Michigan (3:30, ESPN)

If the past several weeks are any indication, Sparty is going to go into the Big House and get their pants pulled down. Or if my historical reading of narratives is any indication, the $9 Khakis are going to come in overconfident and get drop kicked back into place, and learn a valuable lesson in the mechanics/timeline of the rebuilding process. Anyway, it makes for interesting teevee if you don’t particularly care about either program.

Vanderbilt at South Carolina (4:00, SEC Network)

Just had to highlight this one, because it might be the worstest power conference game you see all year. If both good 3:30 games go to half at the same time, watch this tire fire (pronounced the South Cakalaky way, Tahr Fahhhr, and as a side note, they burn absolutely everything in that weird fucking state) for a bit and realize why Visor Boy retired mid-week.

Florida at LSU (7:00, ESPN)

Of all the interesting games, this one might be #1 on my list. Florida is not really Top 10 good. But they DO have loads of athletes, especially on defense. Do they have enough to stack the box and force the Bayou Bengals to throw? Does Les Miles have a Plan B to “give it to Fournette and hide the rest of the team behind #7?” I wanna find out, under the lights in Death Valley.

Boston College at Clemson (7:00, ESPNU)

Before (and during) the ND contest, I spoke a little of “pulling a Clemson” – but this is really where it would happen. At home against a team it should beat by 20+, but that it could take lightly and let hang around. The Eagles have a very good defense, and if they get a defensive/special teams TD and Clemson sputters…the jitters could set in. I just have a feeling about this one.

Arizona State at Utah (10:00, ESPN)

Team Secular Big Love is becoming the go-to choice for the tweaker/West Coast/DVR market. And with only one Sunday EPL match (which isn’t any good), you should definitely record this. The Sun Devils are usually fairly pesky, and the Utes didn’t exactly mash Cal at home last week – despite Goff tossing 5 picks.