With European footy on another goddamned international break, it’s up to the JV ranks to carry us through this mid-November Saturday. And we are kind of in-between the mega-showdown weeks. Last week had some yuuuuuuuge matchups, and the next two (including the extended Thanksgiving smorgasboard) will be pretty incredible. More of a setup vibe this week, though there is some intrigue later in the evening.
NC State at Florida State (12:30, ACC Network)
Really not happy with this TV coverage, especially with WESTERN FUCKING CAROLINA at TAMU getting national coverage at 7 (ESPNU). Even if WCU is likely where my oldest is going to college. Anyway, I actually like the odds of my wolven sort here, as Florida State is essentially playing without a QB, and the secondary is NC State’s weak point. The Noles also have nothing to play for, and the Wolfpack have been much better on the road (and historically have been something of a bogey side for FSU). Vegas’ line reflects this, with FSU opening as only a 9.5 point favourite.
Alabama at Mississippi State (3:30, CBS)
Don’t put Saban in the playoffs just yet. The Cowbells will not be an easy out, especially in Starkville (where LSU narowly escaped on a last-second FG miss in September). A loss puts the Mad Hatter back in the driver’s seat in the SEC West, and joy in the hearts of the unaffiliated masses nationwide.
Memphis at Houston (7:00, ESPN2)
This game was totes more interesting before Memphis got ass blasted by Navy. George Carlin: “As they say in the U.S. Navy, ‘There is no wrong hole!'”
Arkansas at LSU (7:15, ESPN)
That said, the Bayou Bengals are walking into a trap of their own. Yes, it’s Death Valley at night, but Johnny Reb learned the hard way about how much Pig Sooey has improved over the course of the season (as they seemingly always do). But this season, the program has developed enough that Arkansas is a legitimate threat to the powers-that-be, even on the road. I am quite sad this fixture is no longer on the traditional Friday after Thanksgiving, when it was often entertaining as fuck even when it looked like a mismatch on paper. Boo, schedule makers.
Oregon at Stanford (7:30, Fox)
Contrasting styles, potential shootout, Gus Johnson and Molly McGrath (gun show as pictured above). What more do you fuckers want? Oh yeah, Stanford can clinch a berth in the Pac 12 title game, and a chance to force a “winner takes playoff berth” matchup there against Utah, assuming they can derail the assholes of Notre Dame.
BYU vs. Missouri (7:30, SEC Network)
Highlighted for all sorts of uncomfortable racialism.
Oklahoma at Baylor (8:00, ABC)
See, one’s remote will get quite the late workout. Tricky matchup for BayBay, after a less than impressive showing with the new QB against the Fightin’ Undead Bill Snyders. Bloodeyes’ loss to Okie State has me skeptical we will see an unbeaten Big 12 team, which is too bad, as this entertaining, unorthodox league should have a playoff entrant. And not the fucking Big 10.
Washington State at UCLA (10:45, ESPN)
Hey, this is kinda late even for the Westies! For everyone else, your DVR/tweaker game o’ the week. Again, set it for 2 hours past the scheduled end time, in case of shenanigans.
Even in JV footed ball BLEERGH demands sacrifice!
Even Gods gots to get they learn on ,, ppl forget that
Odysseus Visits The Young God & Goddess Academy was probably one of the six lost volumes from Homer’s Illiad/Odessy cycle.
Hoo boy. Dumbass foul in Koresh-land.
one too many piggy run calls
Yep. Brandon Allen is the #1 QB in the SEC by passer rating but, by all means, lets keep running it up the gut.
BERT don’t do what BERT does fer BERT BERT does wat BERT does cuz BERT is BERT
BERT! BRET! FUCK IT … WHATEVER!
1st and 35, BLITZ!
Is a Ryan brother coaching the defense?
I meant NCAA BLITZ, sorry.
oh snap, LSU back for mo’
This is exactly what I expected to happen when they scored before halftime.
I thought shit like that only happened to my team.
Oh no…this is the Razorback M.O.
It occurs to me that I am not a big enough fan of the game at this level to get excited about anything. It also occurs to me I have tomato pie in the fridge. Both of these things are fine by me.
Personal foul, getting shoved into someone for a late hit.
“Champions of Life??” For reals, BayBay??
Crazy Les has made a career of being more lucky than geuxd.
Well there’s a little Cajun luck.
Yeah, I could do with a little less of that.
Bit annoying to thunderfuck a team like that and have a fluke play pull them within 2 scores. Still, that offense against such a stout defense…mighty tall order.
Not exactly like…SIGH…FSU trying to come back against my shitty wolves earlier in the day.
3rd and 26? NFL BLITZ!
Holy shit, Pig Sooey done turned into a killing machine!
Good things happen when BERT jumps on his wife.
He needs to start doing it earlier in the season then. Damn Bert! Take a dozen for the team!
Isn’t this just what BERT does? They fucked around until the second half of last season, and then went on a killing spree.
Yep, seems that way.
Woo Pig!
I definitely have diarrhea (which I’m sure you’re all very interested to know), most likely from eating very leftover homemade soup last night. Should I drink or just pop some pills tonight?
Apparently the good stomach meds the doc would prescribe in the 70s had codeine in it, so I’d say that augurs in favor of pills
The danger of diarrhea is dehydration, so obviously drinking is the determined denouement.
So, by drinking you COULD just frustrate the diarrhea and make it give up? Make it all jelly and whatnot?
If I know anything about diarrhea, it’s that it’s already jelly
This is wonderful.
Something with bitters often helps me. Dr Spanky sez rocks Manhattans with double splashes of bitters!
Hey, the BayBay game has started. WOO?
Yes. Many slobbers being knocked already.
BOOMER DAMN SOONER!!!!!1!
Finally there’s some obvious evidence to support my buzzkill opinion:
http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/ncaaf-dr-saturday/georgia-player-dazed-after-slap-to-the-helmet-by-coach–video-202310228.html
Stop hitting your own teammates in the head! Any and all contact to the head is detrimental. All you’re doing is giving ammo to the nfl’s legal team for their CTE lawsuit defense.
I don’t think it’s a buzzkill opinion; in fact, I agree with it. It just seems idiotic to me, that “celebrating” is smashing your head into a teammate’s head, or slapping the shit out of someone is a good idea at any time.
Some people seem to think it’s along the lines of “Why won’t you let them have fun?” that goes with penalties for excessive celebration
For some reason, I started betting on Kentucky every week. Every week I’m like this is going to work. Then every week I’m like what the hell were you thinking?
I need to see a shrink.
I was seconds away from my “insanity definition” thing, then I remembered how it turned out last time.
Dammit…forgot to buy beer before the game and halftime isn’t long enough anymore for a beer run.
Is it even possible to watch football sober? I feel weird.
When in doubt…check the medicine cabinet
/your friendly neighborhood quack
But Minor League Football halftimes are insufferably long?
YOU CAN MAKE IT!
Worth a shot, anyway. To the booze!
Every time I see the Bruins play:
http://blog.chron.com/tubular/files/2014/01/pretty-good-burn-patrice.png
Wow Pig Sooey that deserves a SPLOOSH!
http://36.media.tumblr.com/fc684fe73802a3251a9474d5d6848e02/tumblr_nxtzfaaiy91syvjuco1_500.jpg
Watching lady snow play Jade Empire right now. She’s pretty good!
Oh, Indiana.
http://www.adamjkurtz.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/tumblr_ngg3cthAKz1qz5r5lo1_1280.jpg
NO PARTICIPATION RIBBONS!!!
#MerryChristmasStarbucks #WarOnChristmas
Obviously the war on christmas isn’t working.
Bah humbug!
http://33.media.tumblr.com/73a81b11acbaa68257afa30335920180/tumblr_nh3iuy8Gz71rt28efo3_500.gif
I’m an artist. Occasionally, I spend my time drawing dumb shit for money, to make people laugh, or work something out of my head, or for a hundred thousand other reasons, but I hold the line at drawing something I disagree with just for a paycheck. BUT SOMEONE MADE THIS AND WAS PROBABLY SERIOUS ABOUT IT:
Bert Be le’ Lama is doin’ a heck of a hair growin’ job for Movember.
Bret, Bert whatever … fuck it.
He looks more like a Bert anyway. Fuck ‘im
BERT GON BERT
http://www.brobible.com/sports/article/arkansas-coach-bret-bielema-wife/
I just did a random GIS and this popped up:
http://topratedviral.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/21831/fe.png
I don’t even want to know *why,* I just find the juxtaposition hilarious.
It seems that Indiana has a good run defense, but can’t stop the pass for fuckall.
Sacrifices must be made.
So horseradish mustard, however good it is, apparently overpowers thin pretzels to the point it becomes an easier way to transport said mustard without drinking it. And now I’m out of pretzels, to boot.
I love all things mustard and horseradish so please continue.
Somehow a container of Ommegang Abbey Ale Horseradish Mustard found its way into our fridge. I wholeheartedly approve.
Have you tried a spoon?
I was using a butter knife to spread if that counts.
“Rudock is taking what is given to him, and it’s Butt once again.”
verbatim quote, ESPN2
And we’re supposed to believe there are no gay football players…. sure.
Wait, what’s with the chains for Houston?
If JT Barrett was in the nfl, he would’ve gotten a heavier fine for those shoes than his DUI.
I am bored with photo editing already, so I feel I will introduce you to Efedra, another “alternative” model:
Nice floor.
Why is she “alternative”?
Is it because of the arm tat, or the dyed hair?
Probably because she gets nekkid with a regularity, but I honestly don’t know. All I know is she is right pretty and not my alternative to anything.
Why, thank you for that.
That is quite a striking example of what I like there. Huzzah indeed.
Womp, womp, Cyclones.
I am on the upstairs computer, mucking about with photos I should have cleaned up and gotten web-ready three weeks ago… I can hear the fucking clanging from the downstairs TV every few seconds and it’s making me insane.
Can I blame any CLANGA-related homicides on JV football?
Yes.
Yay!
//goes back to happily sharpening knives
See, I thought you meant blunt trauma with a cowbell.
I don’t own a cowbell, but if it will help the defense later, I will make the noise as I vent my rage.
Step One: Label your attackers barbarians, less-than-human, justifying denial of human attributes and rights to them.
Step Two: Declare that any enemies should be destroyed/annihilated.
Step Three: Suspend Constitutional rights in the name of security.
Step Four: Defeat the terrorists.
Step five: ???
Step six: PROFIT
Wait. Where are the underpants in this scenario?
Oh, dey gon PROFIT. Chuh chuh.
I explained that whole “dehumanize the enemy” thing to a friend of mine who WAS IN THE FUCKING MILITARY and she never quite got it, then began referring to anyone of Middle Eastern descent as a “towelhead.”
We don’t talk any more.
I have an article about how the military increased soldiers’ hit/kill rates in combat from WWII to the modern era by introducing training to dehumanize the enemy. Basically, when presented with an opportunity for a kill-shot, WWII-era soldiers only took it about 10-15% of the time. Nowadays, we’re upwards of 90%, simply because we’ve taught our soldiers that the enemy is not human.
Hey, Wake Forest scored!
Would this be an appropriate place to spew some hatred for Notre Dame?
Is there never not an appropriate place?
Stanford is our only fucking hope. Think how fucking depressing THAT is.
FEAR THE TREE
Preach on my brother from the Hills.
Shushing the crowd when you’re STILL down 3 to 3-and-fucking-6 Iowa State??
CHUTZPAH
I feel like this needs more CLANGA.
So to speak…..
http://38.media.tumblr.com/3560f288dbc673f1f89af5189254120c/tumblr_inline_mq2g738c7j1qz4rgp.gif
http://40.media.tumblr.com/f44979ee840a7e0b77c9bae0e109ffa3/tumblr_n23w4ldiZT1swovdco1_1280.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/18a1655502b77afb32ba6b8a0a61d42b/tumblr_n23w4ldiZT1swovdco2_1280.jpg
The posts of Moose; a synopsis.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/db9edaee61fc9f3c9022b008bf6223b5/tumblr_nwjeiuHgQB1qz6f9yo2_400.jpg
Incoming Clemsoning? Dabo. Dabo! DABO! was up 14-0 less than two minutes into this game, and is now only up, 31-24, and Syracuse ball.
ACC noob. It’s “pulling a Clemson” smgdh
OK, almost done with my second high-ABV beer. Almost ready to answer student emails.
Of course, my Facebook feed is blowing up with friends of my friends posting racist crap. Maybe I should respond to some of them?
Your friends are racist?
The most ignorant are always the loudest. If I were on Facebook, I would already be dead by now.
No, their friends are.
Case in point, one of my colleagues is from rural Wisconsin, and although he’s pretty flaming liberal, some of his old high school friends (like some of mine) are mouth-breathing right wingers. I got in a Facebook fight with one of them after Ahmed Muhammad got arrested for his clock.
Understood.
NSFKUW:
h
ttp://40.media.tumblr.com/6a49efa8600ff7469d782285227a1d4f/tumblr_nwc234NNbm1rlvq3to1_1280.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/8db1b71843979c48095188702e1c9bbb/tumblr_nomjflEtOU1riftaxo2_400.gif
The Fightin’ T. Boone Pickenseses are doing what they do in a high-pressure road game against an inferior opponent with a shot at a Big 12 title on the line.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxiozb6DWU1r9msvko1_1280.png
Iowas State as trap game was much better call than Mississippi State.
SAD CLANGA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZwX_aKGjMg0
http://38.media.tumblr.com/58a2311cc5605e408a2053a7ee6acefc/tumblr_nsaxssEVrH1qag5o1o1_540.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtsW1LYFhV4
http://33.media.tumblr.com/301bfa259c634d1fac892deea16d30bb/tumblr_nide3vn2nb1qf5do9o1_500.gif
“Wow, what a throw!”
/Almost gets picked
Looks like Saban must have drank extra puppy blood this morning. He ain’t fuckin’ around.
“I’m also expedited for rye belfry wheat.” -Emmett Smith after that commercial
BBQ-ed a porterhouse given to me by a supplier with corn, cauliflower and an Italian sausage. It was good. Time for sleep.
Sounds delightful but it’s not even 2:00 yet!
Stay and drink with the rest of us heathens.
http://s3media.247sports.com/Uploads/Boards/96/35096/262383.gif
CLANGA? CLANGA!