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Your Thanksgiving Eve Open Thread

scotchnaut

/

,

Thar be some quality college/NBA and hockey games on tonight starring UConn, Duke, the Cavaliers, the Penguins, the Blackhawks and etc. But tonight I’m not here to talk about the sports that I just talked about.

You see, there’s this thing, this cancer that worms its way into the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday dinners. No, it’s not your in-laws. It’s not your family either (in this one circumstance). What is it? GODDAMN CRANBERRIES! It’s a mouth-puckering abomination that need’nt be a part of any self-respecting get-together. Why? Why is this dysfunctional berry a part of any celebration? I’ll bet you’ll say to me, “oh, it’s not that tart”. By the way, thanks for interrupting but, whatever-I’ll indulge you. It’s not tart because a shit-ton of sugar was added to make it 13% more palatable. If it’s that great let me ask you-when was the last time you tucked into a delicious cranberry pie? Oh! Did I hear you say “never”? I’m sure that’s just an “oversight” on your part. I’m sure you’ll correct it quite soon. Cranberries/cranberry sauce is the holiday default equivalent of the parental “Because I told you so!”. You grew up with it and thought it was normal-just like the Bible, acid-washed jeans, Windows 3.0, calling certain people “retarded”, urinary tract infections, the inherent goodness of Bill Cosby and a belief in justice . All those things you’ve since discarded (one sincerely hopes). Move on with your life. There is nothing good about the cranberry.

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Old School Zero

Full fuckin’ day. Brunch with family, followed by getting my flu shot, followed by the long periods of waiting and signing paperwork that is buying a new car, followed by thanksgiving shopping (mercifully quick), followed by prepping the stuffing, brining the turkey, and making an apple pie, all while entertaining family. Now they’re out and I’ve cracked open a Goose Island Sophie. WHO WANTS TO SEX THE ZERO?

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ballsofsteelandfury

WOOOOOO!!! NEW CAR! What did ya get?

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Old School Zero

Prius C four. Black Friday deals put that within my budget reach, so I’m now I’m on the fancy side of people despising me for being in a tiny slow car. Zero percent financing, though.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Those who shoulder the burdens are completely separated from those who receive the rewards.”

Or some such.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

For the alternate crowd….. on a 1 to 1,348,475 ratio.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/f5f18187690ddb35f438d31d1466a8b3/tumblr_nv3fuanVNp1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg

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WCS

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makeitsnowondem

Forgetting Sarah Marshall is okay. Mostly for the puppet show.

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Horatio Cornblower

I definitely called certain people retarded while growing up.

The one thing they all had in common was that they didn’t like cranberry sauce.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What recreational activities are you doing after tomorrow?

http://41.media.tumblr.com/e1f5b9701d3defb6927733e0eefaf033/tumblr_nmdhtoxMC31qhe849o1_500.jpg

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Porky Prime

I have no witty comment. That’s just great fuvking hustle, Muuse.

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Brick Meathook

I THINK SHE LIKES ME

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I like this version of 300 better.

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Horatio Cornblower

A guy I play poker with just bowled a 300 game.

I’d still rather watch this young lady play.

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Porky Prime

One night at Lucky Strike, at the Block of Orange, I went drinking with a bunch of friends with some bowling involved. Next to us were another group of drunk 20somethings. One young Asian kid threw strike after strike while essentially goofing off. Of my party, only I noticed his streak.

After 20 minutes, I realized this motherfucker was rolling a perfecto. As he nonchalantly strolled up to the line for his final frame, the Asian kid turns around backwards and hikes the ball between his legs. Fucking asshole. Final score: 296.

I went home and told this story to my father, who bowled in leagues from the age of 15 through age 63, the year before he died. I find it difficult to describe the mix of facial expressions Dad displayed that night.

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Brick Meathook

Is there an odder name for a sports team than the “Utah Jazz”? It made sense in New Orleans. Utah has some fine qualities, but jazz doesn’t immediately spring to mind.

What would be a better name for the Utah team?

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s how the Mormons spell Jizz. It’s an obscure, but important, tenet of their worldview.

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blaxabbath

Sister Wives

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Horatio Cornblower

The Utah Do You Have A Few Moments To Talk About The Truth Of Joseph Smiths

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Senor Weaselo

The Storm. They can be the Stormin’ Mormons!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Can it be Wicked Wednesday?

Sorta NSFW briefly.

h
ttp://45.media.tumblr.com/004aaf464839252062ba1cc277c502b7/tumblr_ntr4kjns8R1tezjkso3_500.gif

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ballsofsteelandfury

MOOSEMAS CAME EARLY!!

/among other things…

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ballsofsteelandfury

Dark eyeliner: Would not bang.

Two ear piercings: Would not bang.

Seriously, though, the hat does give me pause… Maybe I’d last five seconds instead of two.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Still can’t fathom that, but it’s probably like impractically long nails or constant cellphone activity to me.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The beast, most NSFW part of that movie:
h
ttp://45.media.tumblr.com/5955cad0801a23c5453732897475a32f/tumblr_nuzoeujRfi1u08gzyo1_400.gif

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ballsofsteelandfury

That’s alotta bush!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A man must learn to survive in the jungle as well as the desert.

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ballsofsteelandfury

The 80’s were a different time. A simpler time.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A time when companies which make shaving and waxing product were much less profitable.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I like that idea! Maybe I could write a weekly po….

/DTZM shuts off account.

Never mind.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Who has two thumbs and bought two bottles of Dogfish Head Higher Math to share with his brother in law later this week?

Thanks, makeitsnow for the tip.

/tip jokes to follow

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Senor Weaselo

Just the tip?

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makeitsnowondem

I hope you like it! It really was one of the coolest beer experiences I’ve had this year.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m saving it until the weekend so it’s not mixed up with the rest of the overly indulgent eating and drinking I’ll be doing. Very excited to try it.

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Brick Meathook

I visited Plymouth, MA once. I saw Plymouth Rock where the pilgrams landed and invented Thanksgiving and ethnic cleansing; I also went to the Ocean Spray Cranberry Museum, where you can learn all there is to know about cranberries.

But the highlight, for me, was a small store that sold furniture made out of old vintage pine planks. Apparently there was a Sears Roebuck warehouse that closed in the 1990’s after over a century of business. This warehouse had MILES of pine planks that were the shelves for all the merchandise. These planks spent a century indoors getting stuff slid onto and off of them. When the warehouse closed people bought up all the seasoned shelf planks and this place made furniture out of them. Chairs, desks, tables and such. The wood was bare and it was awesome. That stuff wasn’t cheap, though, so I own none of it.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I too have seen that rock. It’s not as big as I thought it would be…

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Brick Meathook

Yeah, it’s in a cage and supposedly is not the original Plymouth Rock.

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Porky Prime

I think they lost the original one after it landed on Malcolm X.

Thanks, L.A. County Public School District!

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WCS

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ballsofsteelandfury

I propose that we declare the Friday After Thanksgiving to be the Official DFO Holiday of Moosemas!

Think about it, it’s the perfect DFO holiday. The hard work of Thanksgiving is done. You are most likely not working. The wife or SO is probably out shopping with the kids, if you have any. You were smart, so you bought shit online. You have a shit-ton of leftovers to make yourself an easy meal. There is some JV footbaw around to watch while you surf the internet and laugh at Moose gifs and drink whatever beverage you like.

It truly can be one of the best days of the year. Merry Moosemas everyone!

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WCS

Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nice glass.

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makeitsnowondem

This seems right, even though I’ll be driving to my sister’s engagement party this Moosemas.

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Porky Prime

Delivering two days worth of mail and Amazon Prime packages this Moosemas. Moosemas marks the start of the 30 Days of Hell at the ol’ post office.

I’m just kidding about the 30 days part…shit actually started piling up in October. Fucking Christmas catalogs. At least it’s not an election year. Holy fucknuts, election mailers are the worst.

Merry Moosemas, ya filthy animals.

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ballsofsteelandfury

I don’t want this to sound like I’m saying it in a lame sarcastic way, but I want to genuinely thank you for your service. I used to work with a guy that worked all day in construction and then had the night shift at the post office. Just fucking brutal, but he was a hell of a nice guy and he worked his ass off.

People say that shit to soldiers all the time and don’t mean it. No one says it to you guys and I, for one, genuinely mean it.

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Porky Prime

Appreciate it. Some days it feels like we go unnoticed. Days like that I just want to turn in my badge and gun.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You too; it starts now and end when the Superb Bowl hangover is cured.

http://41.media.tumblr.com/69357d177038b1a2f831484422e1f0a9/tumblr_mvcc4vK5qT1sahaopo1_400.jpg

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Senor Weaselo

There are no negative waves at Moosemas, Moriarty.

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WCS

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Porky Prime

Cranberries can be a bit syrupy and overwhelming, but they have their high points too.

http://cps-static.rovicorp.com/3/JPG_400/MI0003/869/MI0003869929.jpg

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WCS

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Brick Meathook

Somehow I’m watching the Ice-Bears vs the Ice-49ers. You know, I go to an occasional hockey game in person, but watching hockey on TV is like looking at a flourescent light fixture. A doctor could examine X-rays by taping them to a TV screen showing a hockey game. I still like the game, though.

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blordinaryfagicmox

Steve Jobs was Iron Man?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5s7_WbiR79E

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Pfft. Once you’ve had a girl say “no sex until this UTI goes away” you’ll soften up on your stance about cranberries.

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Porky Prime

First paid day off in a dog’s age, so of course wifey is sick and guess who’s got the kids?
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Horatio Cornblower

John Wayne Gacy?

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Senor Weaselo

So sports sucked for the day (Wood and Ice Giants both lost), so I’m now watching… U-Mass–Creighton? Fine.

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WCS

Penn beat LaSalle in the Big 5 Opener.

I had planned on going to the gym and reading more on the Congo Wars tonight, but…
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That is never not appropriate.

NEVER NOT!

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blordinaryfagicmox

My all goon 3on3 OT lineup: Milan Lucic, Claude Lemeiux, Chris Pronger.

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Senor Weaselo

I am not against 3-on-3 line brawl for the remaining point.

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blordinaryfagicmox

If it’s a brawl then I need to include my goalie: Chris Osgood.

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Porky Prime

comment image

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ballsofsteelandfury

You are not wrong. The cranberry is just a sugar-delivery device popularized by BIG CRANBERRY.

Also, vodka. Which is not that bad as it gets dumb girls drunk enough to make bad choices.

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WCS

comment image
MALKIN IN OT WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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WCS


This was on Sirius XM’s Ozzy’s Boneyard last week.

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blordinaryfagicmox

As far as I’m concerned it’s just a song about a well mannered lawyer who does not follow the rules of discovery.

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Porky Prime

Ozzy was watching a lot of Nick at Nite and shampoo commercials during this phase.

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blordinaryfagicmox

I get the joke:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CprfjfN5PRs

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blordinaryfagicmox

Fuck you CBS, and your autoplaying videos.
Hmm, CBS is a faceless corporation which is only a part of another even more faceless mega conglomerate and shirley takes no notice nor heed of my vitriol. Let’s try that again.
Fuck you CBS, the only reason I am aware of your existence is because you broadcast football games: you do not affect my purchasing decisions in any way and I am completely unaware of all of your advertisers.

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Porky Prime

Look, Smithers…Garbo is coming!

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I fucked up my shaving my head thing. So I am going 20% I hope people don’t notice than into hiding watching the Bears game

/tiny but noticable bald spot

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Sill Bimmons

Cranberries need tangerines

1 cup cranberries
8 tangerines
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 Cointreau or other orange liqueur

It’s best if you just throw it all into a bowl and mash it into a pulp with a giant muddler, but if you throw it in the blender/food processor on a low, slow chop it works just fine. Refrigerate for at least two hours and serve very cold. Makes a nice, refreshing palate cleanser.

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Sill Bimmons

For all you Edmonton Oilers fans, one of the linesmen basically slew-footed Nial Yakupov by pulling on the back of Yakupov’s jersey as he tripped skating away from the faceoff puck drop.

Looked pretty bad for his left knee.

If it weren’t for bad luck the Oilers would have no luck at all.

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WCS

My buddy probably just drop-kicked a baby through his TV screen.

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Porky Prime

WCS: that’s an odd celebratory move.

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WCS

Canadians are an odd people. I mean, look at Scotchnaut. He’s been the way he is since the first day.

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blordinaryfagicmox

Bad luck for the Eulers?
-Checks lottery results-
Yup, no luck at all.

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WCS

There is nothing good about the cranberry.

You, sir, have all the boorish manners of a Yalie!

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