Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]
Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.
SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…
Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.
NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.
Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!
Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.
Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.
SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.
Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.
Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?
Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/d6f513aa521f71bacf7c1d0ed9ebeed6/tumblr_nxmqkyw5bI1tpmgf1o1_400.gif
Bengals still have a pulse.
HARFCEPTION
THE BEN NOT WANT TO LET TIGERMANS GET TOO LOSING THE BEN FEEL BAD FOR TIGERMANS
http://49.media.tumblr.com/49e4ab19c3b5e500813e28175b0c0272/tumblr_nxhugqVTyX1r5pqz3o1_250.gif
HARFCEPTION/PUNT
Arm punt
So that Bills pick counted. NFL Officials: What is catch!?
The sound of one hand clapping.
To think, I didn’t pick the SeaTruthers and Panthers in imaginary gambling because they seemed too obvious.
Somehow, I made it through college AND law school with this low-wattage brain.
So you went to UFA too? Up for Anything University?
[*Redacted] s defense gonna [*Redacted]
Bengals QBs have cost them 21 points and 1 franchise-ish quarterback.
Why does “Concussion” feel the need to use the tinnitis noise for its music? We all know concussions are bad, I don’t need a fucking headache to go with the knowledge.
Full immersion?
Bortles Blowout?
American Pie Vodka Story?
If only. Pass some to Hasselbeck, he needs it more
Charmdown #5.
MOAR!
NSFW!!!
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/676138492322308096
THE ARISTOCRATS !
Did I hear the gamebreak right, the Panthers lost Cam to injury because they were playing him up 6 scores?
Russell Wilson: He’s so well spoken, I mean he speaks so well. I mean, he really speaks well, he is so well spoken.
Y’know, it’s rare that I can hear a dog whistle.
Sherman finally got a Pickle
McCarron is not bad for a backup QB. what do you guys think?
He’s Year 1-4 Andy Dalton: equal parts good plays equal parts WTF?!
Wouldn’t know. They’re offensive possessions seem to last shorter than my trips to the kitchen.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/12bcc6dcef2f059d54047795b861d634/tumblr_noj3lf1eTx1tlb56zo1_400.gif
Demarco Murray is having a tough year
+1 piece of meat left on the bone
Does a penalty where Brandon Browner was the victim count as -1 for his outrageous total?
ALL FLAGS SERVE THE FLAG GOD.
So, according to scripture (i.e., something I read on a bathroom wall once), no. No it does not.
4th and 14, Jets get the ball back at the Titans 49 after a crushing sack on Mariota. Nice call, Mularkey!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/13c01347bd7563e9cea81b5be6930224/tumblr_nc0f681Oho1qaseldo2_1280.png
Remember Matty Ice? Great QB?
Remember when the Chiefs sent the greatest player on their team go to the Falcons so he could get a ring? They must have fucking hated his guts, in retrospect
Looks like Zymm may have to suit up and play in the [*Redacted] s secondary…… hope she’s not too drunk, not that anyone would be able to tell the difference.
WARNING: Watching Thursday Night Football this week without protective sunglass will be hazardous to your eye health.
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Jesus why would you DO that to us?!
Looks like he went swimming in a fondue pot
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juFZh92MUOY
A flaming pile of dogshit > Matt Ryan
3rd and an Astronomical Unit for Tennessee.
Damn Jacksonville is CRUSHING Indy right now.
Team of Destiny woke up a week too late.
Now, Chargers, I’m not too surprised at that score… But Chiefs? Really?
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzrmai9h3V1qmzxmu.gif
Does anybody want pie?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/71344dbba9dc627027d0a838934b640e/tumblr_nqe87ya65z1txcu4go1_1280.jpg
Bottom left looks like they’re late to a Klan meeting.
Get them some knitters?
Can someone tell me, definitively, if the pick play is illegal or not? Because the inconsistency in calling it is driving me mad.
If intentional then it’s holding/PI (depending on if the ball is in the air at the time), so the key issue is if it’s intentional. I’ve seen them run using a ref to rub/pick the DB instead of another receiver – Seattle did it to Revis in the redzone in the superbowl for a TD.
Did the president of Bengals University say something racist? Why is their football team refusing to play?
BILLSDOWN!
WIP: CHIP KELLY IS RACIST
“First time, long time. That’s the only good thing about him.”
Wow. Apparently, you can hold a pass rusher in a headlock on the ground for the entirety of a 12 second play
Another Bengals running to the Training Room. DRINK!
Remember when the Falcons tried to trick us into thinking they were good?
We were so young then. So innocent.
I am more confused that a Ron Rivera team lead team can score
I am 44 and 11 months now, I was only 44 and 10 months then…….. man,where does it all go?
[wistful sigh]
Guh
BortlesBortles
We are about to enter a world where Bortles and Cousins are division-winning QBs.
http://i.imgur.com/V5WN9OO.gif
Did we wander through The Scary Door?
This might be THE Darkest Timeline.
Can’t wait to not watch Big Bang theory.
I am holding in all my enthusiasm for ignoring it.
…again
GURLEYDOWN!
It was said before, but bears repeating… why is Newton still in this game?
That earlier injury scare was just not scary enough.
Riverboat Ron wants to get me all the fantasy points.
Jay Gruden is a proud graduate of the Andy Reid School of Clock Management and Sandwich Making
So much for that Ravens keep all games close
Malcolm Gladwell thinks that this game is an outliar.
Welp, time for me to start drinking heavily because WHOOOOOOOOOO SEAHAWKS TOUCHDOWN
Antonio Brown really good at footed ball sport.
MOAR WILSONDOWNS! KEEP THEM COMING!
The Skins on the road…
Just something always wrong…
“You feel that WIND?! Man, it’s impossible to stay on the road.”
–Driver.
Antonio Brown = good at footed ball sport
The bungles should really consider covering him
So that carrot in front of Dallas refuses to go away.
No one wants that division.
Another Bears TD!
http://fat.gfycat.com/FlashyBitesizedGoose.gif