Mute ‘Em: Week 15 Music Guide

Last year I started to watch the Sunday games with the sound off, to let The Family put music. My hope was that they would tolerate 10+ hours of NFL on TV. (They didn’t, and don’t.) Still, I preferred watching games without SUDDENLY SO LOUD commercials, or narratives, tropes, and hype from announcers, color commentators, studio analysts, and whatever the hell Tony Siragusa is. Now I regret not having watched that Shanahan-RGIII playoff game with La Lupe singing rancorously in the background Ask me what I can give youu / I don’t mind being yoours / Without any conditioons AY!  AY!  AY! Would’ve been better, is all.

As accurately reported, Week 14 was dreadful. It could get worse: most of the remaining regular season games are meaningless, will be terrible, or both. So taking a cue from the tastefully bourgeois folk who dared to pair beer and candy, here are my suggested listening options for the full slate of Week 15 games, by way of blatantly ripping off paying homage to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly’s awesome DFO Radio posts.

Bucs @ Rams –  Jandek and a car alarm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljzTdPsAmVw

Chiefs @ Ravens – Frank Zappa demo tapes

Bills @ Slurs – U2 and other super blah bands that get by only on name recognition

Texans @ Colts – Power ballads from Guns ‘N Roses, Cinderella, Stryper, Poison…

Jets @ Cowboys – 90s boy bands and Intravenus de Milo

Titans @ Patriots – The North Korean National Anthem and the Benny Hill end-credits song, again and again

Bears @ Vikings – Polka, reggae, bachata, or other genres which consist of only one song, played in different ways

Panthers @ Giants – Interminable live Led Zeppelin songs that have an awesome part in the middle or at the end

[It’s in there, my guess is after the fucking violin bow part. Via Terrence Bootlegs]

Falcons @ Jaguars – Sandinista! (Sides 2-6, for the first three quarters), London Calling (4th quarter)

Packers @ Raiders – Seems like a monster game, but it’s difficult to see how it will play out. To cover all bases: Are You Experienced?, Multiviral, Tyrannosaurus Hives, The Battle for Los Angeles, Dynamo

Browns @ Seahawks – This, over, and over, and over, and over…

Bengals @ 49ers – Modest Mouse, Nickelback, and Papa Roach, interspersed with the humming version of the Nationwide song.

Dolphins @ Chargers – A massive block of plodding Mariachi music; that annoying trumpet and Ai Aaa Aiaiaeeeeees presage all the punts, fumbles, and pick-6es.

Broncos @ Steelers – \../ METAL \../

Cardinals @ Eagles – Stankonia (when Cards have the ball), Speakerboxx/Love Below (when the Eagles have the ball), Aquemini (Eagles special team plays), and Sun Ra (commercials).

Lions @ Saints – For the next-to-last MNF game, Slipknot, Pink Floyd, Social Distortion, the “Requiem for a Dream” soundtrack, and other uplifting fare.

Top photo via larrybrownsports.com and my cellphone.