Mid-Afternoon Week 15 Five Spot Game Thread

Stupid window crashed on me and I am typing this for a second time. Like it was even very good the first time, for fuck’s sake.

Browns at Seahawks (4:05, Fox)

Better late than never? I suppose the SeaTruthers can take up that rallying cry, after a rash of RB injuries and meh defensive work forced them to reluctantly become a passing team. And, much like at every other non-bedroom step in his prolific career, the Charmslinger has been up to the task. I have nothing new to say about the clownshow that is The Factory. Like my dead pappy used to say, “it is what it is.”

Packers at Raiders (4:05, Fox)

One franchise on its way up, the other on its way down (though Rodgers remains exceptional). A pretty fascinating matchup, I wish this had been flexed to SNF instead of the silly Bird Battle. Great shootout potential, too.

Broncos at Steelers (4:25, CBS)

Today’s featured fixture, for certain, with immense implications for the playoff race (even at 11 wins, there will be one chair too few for the Jets, Chefs, Stillers, and Donks) and for homefield. Denver absolutely has to win this week or next (home vs. Cincy) or they are royally fucked, as would then lose any and all tiebreakers. I have a really bad feeling about this one, as The Ben looks like he has been promised all the Choco Tacos he can eat of late.

Bengals at 49ers (4:25, CBS)

Don’t forget to ask about Tomsula’s sign spinning discounts! Speaking of spinners…wonder if we will see screenshots of AJ McCarron’s bae? You know Brent Musberger will be watching.

Dolphins at Chargers (4:25, CBS)

Probably will be on constant loop at Gitmo all week. DO SOMETHING, AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL!!

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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blaxabbath

I want to a Play 60 commercial where they feature some ST gunner huddling with the kids.

“Yeah, just stay in your lane but this will be fun. I’ll toss the ball to Julie and the other six of you run at her at full speed and attempt to blow her up. Ok? Break!”

Senor Weaselo

This is a commercial I didn’t know I needed.

Doktor Zymm

Time to go eat pretzles

Recovery Whiskey

Don’t George Bush it

Recovery Whiskey

Fred Ex 1 handed Sunday delivery

blaxabbath

Fox is showing fucking TMZ instead of football.

Recovery Whiskey

I’d be streaming something, even if it gave my laptop computer ebola

evilbeaver8

Apparently a new Star Wars movie came out recently. Hadn’t heard. Must be one of those VOD affairs or something.

litre_cola

Sponsored by a one day fantasy company who’s name escapes me due to lack of advertising.

Romonobyl

Don’t you watch car commercials?

Smithchez

“Breaking: Manziel viciously attacks referee.”

Romonobyl

What bar was this in?

Recovery Whiskey

Sluggers. Right next to Centurylink Field

Recovery Whiskey

Wagner sacked the umpire and JFF combined

Senor Weaselo

Does that still count as one?

Mother Puncher

Good evening. Has everybody here also spend all afternoon talking about how much AJ McCarron could be the next Tom Brady like the TV people have been?

Recovery Whiskey

Too busy hearing all about how amazing JFF has played

...

In that he has a tall, hot significant other?

litre_cola

I just rewatched the Musberger Catherine Webb thing, it is still fantastic.

Romonobyl

He doesn’t, but his wife does.

Recovery Whiskey

“What a good incompletion”
— Fox guy about JFF

Senor Weaselo

How about the *checks box* wow, no picks?

Recovery Whiskey

JFF getting slobbered by Brennaman. Getting awfully close to gritty

WCS

What happened to Osweiler? I guess I missed that.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is the only game on the Denver/Pitt game for the rest of the country? I ask because I am watching GB/Oak but I am up by GB

evilbeaver8

Yup.

WCS

The Best of Colin Cowherd 2015 is on FOX is you’re interested!

Romonobyl

You know who else thought he was the best?

Shogun Marcus

Nope, we got that before gb/oak (crossflex b.s.).

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Unless he is getting mercilessly beat with a stick for an hour, I will stay with this game.

Recovery Whiskey

Cleveland at Seattle is on

Romonobyl

comment image

Sill Bimmons

Lessons In Asswhooperism.

Sill Bimmons

Why not take a shot at the end zone there?

makeitsnowondem

The Broncos’ emergency quarterback is Owen Daniels, by the way.

Romonobyl

You know what’s good?
Fresh, hand-pulled buffalo mozzarella and sun dried tomatoes on grilled garlic bread.
That’s what’s good, and almost gone already.

litre_cola

Add proscuitto and I would eat that everyday

Sill Bimmons

Pretty sure that last pass was intended for Martavis.

litre_cola

In all seriousness, Antonio Brown is fucking brilliant. Got out of bounds. That was slick.

makeitsnowondem

WHY OH WHY CAN I NOT BE FREE OF THIS INFERNAL TREVOR SIEMIAN

blaxabbath

“Bengals at 49ers (4:25, CBS)
Don’t forget to ask about Tomsula’s sign spinning discounts! ”

Yes! Recognition!!!

litre_cola

They said it on the broadcast?

Recovery Whiskey

Must be at that mall that straddles Santa Clara and San Jose.

Romonobyl

Straddling Santa might get you on his good list.

Sill Bimmons

STOP ME BEFORE I BLITZ AGAIN

WCS

The 2011 AFC Wild Card Game

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Fuck BMO Harris. They bought out M&I and have been the worst bank I have ever dealt with since. (commercial not a random rant)

Sill Bimmons

THE OSTRICH HAS A BROKEN WING

Senor Weaselo

Bring in… uh, who’s the third-string QB for the Donks anyway?

litre_cola

Still better than TEEEBBOOOWWW

Doktor Zymm

How will he be flightless now!?

Doktor Zymm

These games are grittier than a poorly cleaned mussel

Sharkbait

Another QB down?

makeitsnowondem

Tebow’s been mentioned more times in this game than Manning has.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

The Chiefs and Jets won this week, the Steelers completely forgot they needed to keep pace.

WCS

Stillers-Donks only game on here. FOX is airing, “The Best of The Herd 2015.” Yes, a recap of the “best” of Colin Cowherd this year.

makeitsnowondem

oh god

litre_cola

That isn’t a thing. He has been there like 2 weeks.

Recovery Whiskey

That should take about 8 seconds

nomonkeyfun

That’s what she said.

blaxabbath

I, too, am getting that.

I’d rather watch…..anything.

Sill Bimmons

Icepicks? Meet ears.

Romonobyl

Big deal, I have 32 seconds to spare.

Spanky Datass

This broke my laptop!

Ok, it was me I reflexively punched the screen; it’s only natural, right?

Recovery Whiskey

Niners are a rumblin and a bumblin

Smithchez

De- De- De- DeMAryious

Sill Bimmons

So who’s with me to Rivebrog the colorized I Love Lucy prime time broadcast that is seriously happening in 2015?

Sharkbait

Can we all drink when she does?

blaxabbath

Sometimes I see dudes playing football at the park where I play pick up soccer. Except they aren’t playing football, they’re like doing drills. And not individual drills where everyone in the group is doing high knees or lining up to hit the sled. It’s like a qb and seven receivers. And so the qb stands there and one guy runs like a post route and the qb throws it to him. Then the wr runs like another 15 yards straight ahead before jogging back to the qb and handing him the ball. This all happens uncontested while the other six receivers just stand around bullshitting or whatever.

These men are adults so I don’t really get it.

Recovery Whiskey

Pittsburgh strategy of tiring Denver out in the first half working to perfection

fleshwound_NPG

I Love Lucy Special on CBS, for that 81-96 demo

Romonobyl

OOOOOOOOHHHHHH RICKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!

litre_cola

I cannot wait for Pft commenters mmbm tomorrow. It will be a gritty extravaganza

Recovery Whiskey

Laserfacedown

Sharkbait

So Gritty!

Sill Bimmons

If they speed things up this game might end by Tuesday.

blaxabbath

Pretty sure Matt Stafford has diabetes. So it makes sense he is in the Pepsi commercial.

litre_cola

Just thought he had gigantism like Ken Griffey Jr. in the Simposons

Smithchez

Not content with simply not covering Denver’s receivers, the Steeler defense has decided to give the Broncos’ running game a try.

WCS

They’re equal opportunity defenders.

fleshwound_NPG

Much easier to let 1 guy run open and free than 3 or 4.

blaxabbath

Hello. Just finished a kombucha bottling marathon. Only getting DEN/PIT here.

Moonbatting Average

Hippie!

Recovery Whiskey

20 points in the first half. Pittsburghs defense has really improved.

Sill Bimmons
Shogun Marcus

Is crap!

Senor Weaselo

But the servants of Bleergh do, specifically a northeast bias.

Recovery Whiskey

Tomsula bludgeons those challenges

WCS

Third down defense: how does it work?

Doktor Zymm

Totally differently from magnets.

Recovery Whiskey

I feel like that talent would be good in other oldest professions