It’s a divisiongameapalooza! I won’t be bothering to go thru all the myriad playoff what-if’s. I’ll leave that to the many, many announcers that eat that stuff up. IT’S SO COMPLICATED! [smiles and shakes his god damn head] At this time of year they suck on that stuff harder than a teen sucks on a  soother at a rave. Raves are still a thing, right? Nevermind. TO THE GAMES!

NYJ @ Buf: A few weeks ago the Jets were 5-5 and looking like, you know, the Jets. Since then they’ve won 5 in a row. They’ve done it by man-handling the Fins and Titans and squeaking by the Giants, Cowboys and Pats. The Bills are limping down the stretch as they are wont to do, trading wins and losses because gosh, they can’t get the little things right for the fifteenth straight year, darn it!

NE @ Mia: A commenter on the ESPN site (why do I do this to myself?) recently pointed out that the Pats will be just fine now that they have RB Steven Johnson. The Dolphin players should be up for this game a bit more than usual because GM Dennis Hickey was let go and we all know of the animosity that existed between him and the players. (seriously, you can’t make this stuff up like I just did) This looks like a blowout with The Brady sitting at some point.

NO @ Atl: Could this be HC Payton’s last hoo-haw as a Saint? Every team that needs a coach-[gets down on knees] “Please God/Mara, can we just move on from Coughlin?”-mentions Payton among the fifteen or so names that comprise their respective coaching wish lists. The Falcons are fresh off their spanking of the undefeated Panthers so what better way for an 8-7 team to finish the season by bringing the half-assed effort and losing to a completely vulnerable Saints squad?

Bal @ Cin: As you may have guessed, the Bengals are not quite the same team under McCarron as they are with Redmagic behind center. The difference is one whole TD  and 70 yds. of offence less. Stat That Doesn’t Matter Corner: Cincy has won 12 games twice before-each time the season has ended with a trip to the Super Bowl. Poor Baltimore. (the team, not the city….wait…yes, the city as well) I won’t look it up but the injuries they’ve had to endure should make them number one in man-games lost. I’m also quite sure they’re in the top five in women-games lost as well.

Pit @ Cle: If the Indestructible (or too dumb to realize how hurt he is) Ben passes for 325 yds. he’ll be only the fourth QB to average that over the course of a season. The other three? What am I, your own personal sports reference guy? Look it up! The Ben has been helped greatly in this quest by a Brown-Antonio and Cleveland. I guess that’s two Browns. It sounded good in my head.

Jax @ Hou: If I’m not mistaken, Houston needs this badly. Speaking of badly, that’s an adequate descriptor of how the Jax secondary covers opposing receivers. They’re ranked 28th covering the #1 WR, 27th vs. #2 and 28th again against the TE. That sound you hear is WR Hopkins grunting and pawing at the ground in anticipation. Of course the scenario that any good and true NFL fan wants to occur is to have both the Texans and Colts lose so that we’ll have yet another reason to point and laugh at the travesty that is the AFC South.

Ten @ Ind: The Colts have lost three of their last five but they’re still IN THE HUNT! Perhaps you’re hoping, nay (neigh?) praying that a team that gave up 51 points to the Jags a scant 3 weeks ago oozes its way into the playoffs? I know I might. What is there to be said about the Titans? ………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Was @ Dal: The 4-11 Cowboys (1-6 at home) are favoured by 4 in this game. That reminds me, “hello, meaningless universe!”. Sure the Slurs may sit their starters after the half but I think it’s quite a stretch to say that anything wearing a Dallas uni is better than the Washington mop-up crew. I could be wrong as per usual though.

Phi @ NYG: Don’t you feel badly for Old Man Coughlin and his two Super bowl rings and his one game under .500 55-56 record since 2009? I don’t. If you’re playing across the state line from The City That Never Sleeps YOU CAN’T TAKE REGULAR NAPS! He’s 483 years old in dog years for god sake. Let him chase game plans on a farm upstate with Lombardi, Landry and Walsh and the rest of them. He’ll have so much fun!

Det @ Chi: You’d think a game between two 6-9 teams would be sexier than this. Bears OC Adam Gase will be getting some HC interview action this offseason because he performed what many said was impossible. He pulled off the monumental feat of getting QB Cutler to not-care 7% less over the majority of the season. Imagine what he could accomplish with emotionally-engaged players? The mind, she boggles.