Your “Schadenfreude2.0? SHADENFREUDE2.0!” Monday Night Open Thread

As our banner notes, there was some serious boner stuff going on after the Pats lost because the league hates them/Manning needs another ring/our kicker is signing with Denver next year/no roughing calls on Brady, etc., etc. WELL, IT”S TIME TO GET HARD YET AGAIN because DUKE IS OUT OF THE TOP 25 FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 8 YEARS! They’ve lost 4 of their last 5 and look lost. Sure they’ll get into the tourney but HAH! Sure that run was extraordinary but no one wants to talk about that right now-least of all me. This is your time to rub someone’s nose in metaphorical shit, those of you who have had to put up with that Duker who was your spouse/ex-spouse/co-worker/class-mate/Starbucks barrista/favourite hooker/drinking partner/fuck buddy…whatever, now is your time to shine. TO THE GAMES!

The NBA blurps out CLE/IND and DAL/ATL as games deserving of your eyeballs. Woo! (not really) In contrast, the NHL has a surfeit of games pitting winning teams against each other. If you thought “hmm, perchance I should check out The Hockey some day”, well here’s an opportunity. Here is the list of over .500 clubs playing against each other this evening-NYR/NJ, MIN/NYI, FLA/WASH, STL/NASH, OTT/PIT, MTL/PHI, CHI/COL, LA/ARI and SJ/ANA. NOW THAT’S HOW YOUR MARKET YOURSELF AS A LEAGUE. (or it could be a quirk of the sked) College ball fetures #2UNC/#19LOU, #12SMOO//HOO, #15BAY/Tex and the game where some points are scored and few will watch…12-10 NCST against 14-7 FSU.

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Dunstan

Chuck Todd just said, in the same five-minute stretch, that (1) regardless of the delegate numbers, it’s still really important whether Clinton “wins” Iowa or not; and (2) that he can’t figure out why Clinton decided to declare victory.

Duh. You just said yourself that it’s the news story that matters more than the delegate count. When the spin matters more than the facts, can you blame campaigns for trying the spin?

Don T

There’s gotta be a Zoosk for cannibals.

entropy

According to IMDB, we won’t see any of Peaky Blinders Series 3 until just before the actual election here. That’s a coincidence I’m not entirely comfortable with.

ssi_bulldawg

wait, we don’t get it until the fall?

entropy

That is correct, sir.

Dunstan

There is nobody, liberal, conservative, libertarian, or drooling drunk at the end of the bar, whose political judgment I trust LESS than Chris Matthews.

Senor Weaselo

I don’t know, that catch he made last year was really impressive–oh.

Croooow
Spur

Somebody tell CNN that their percentages add to 100.3.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, just let Martin O’Malley have an extra .3%.

WCS

Ooo! Them math read good!

Senor Weaselo

That was on earlier.

Doktor Zymm

Rounding is hard.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Giggity…..?

Doktor Zymm

I took one of those “Which candidate do you agree with most” quizzes, and surprise surprise, I don’t agree with any of them over about 75%.

I don’t trust anyone who actually wants to be president nowadays. I would be happy to write an algorithm that selects a handful of candidates falling across the political spectrum. They would be required to run, kind of like jury duty.

ssi_bulldawg

I took an intro to philosophy class one summer in undergrad and one of the few things I remember was the theory that anyone who wants power, shouldn’t be trusted with it. None of the want it for truly altruistic reasons. No idea who said that, and I’m too lazy to google right now.
Anyway, your comment makes me think of that.

ssi_bulldawg

Ok, I had to look. It seems like it is a step in the progression from Lord Acton’s statement that “power tends to corrupt, absolute power corrupts absolutely.”
That folks, is my philosophy lesson for the night.

Doktor Zymm

Sounds about right.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Seems like common sense, but I’m so far removed from philosophy classes I might just not remember having actually been taught it.

Don’t trust whitey.

Dunstan

“I had the best performance in Iowa of any short-fingered vulgarian ever!”

Croooow

I’m just glad this whole thing is over. All the attack ads, phone calls, visitors, traffic. Just so wearing.
Seriously, if another state wants to go first, they can have it.

entropy

Oh yeah, Moose, I saw your question about whether or not I was awake for Venture Bros last night when I checked the site this morning…. I was indeed awake, and didn’t even start watching until nearly 12:30, so as to FF past all the commercials. The new VB was pretty damn excellent.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

DVRing it.

WCS

Trump: “You’re all fucking losers. The state of Iowa is a loser. You all suck.”

Senor Weaselo

That’s verbatim, right?

Dunstan

Oh, fuck. I’m going to need a drink for this.

theeWeeBabySeamus

James Caan just pissed himself….again.

Sharkbait

Just now catching last week’s Sunny.

Spur

No mention of Reagan in this speech?

WCS

“Welcome back to Fox and Friends. Even after his strong showing last night, the question remains: Does Marco Rubio hate the legacy of our greatest president, Ronald Reagan?”

Sill Bimmons

Christie third from the bottom.

Iowans aren’t THAT stupid.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

comment image
Ouch.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

TV show stunt; no actual motorcyclists were hurt.

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s too bad. I’d much prefer to think that a couple of douchebags had sustained brain damage and or permanent cervical vertebral damage.

WCS

Rubio knows he didn’t win, right?

Senor Weaselo

Does he have a “I exceeded expectations” banner up?

Dunstan

I’m almost as sick of hearing Rubio’s “my father was a bartender and a waiter” origin story as I was of John Edward’s “I was the son of the mill worker” shtick. And I fucking hated that douche.

Dunstan

In any other year, Marco Rubio’s smarmy douchiness would get recognized better. This year, he’s getting away with being “not as smarmy as Cruz, not as douchy as Trump.”

ssi_bulldawg

Congrats, you are the skinniest kid at fat camp. Good lord, I’m going to drink bleach long before we get to November.

WCS

Oh my.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Close to my same reaction….but admittedly I was laughing my ass off while saying it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Robert Hanson. John Wayne Gacy, although not born in Iowa, lived there from the early 1960’s. He was convicted of sodomy and was released from an Iowa prison in 1968. On his release Gacy moved back to Chicago.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dahmer riding shotgun makes me laugh for some reason.

Doktor Zymm

I miss the time when smart people would go into politics because they felt the obligation to serve their country. In addition to the age requirement, presidential candidates should be required to pass some basic exams on things like economics and Constitutional law.

Senor Weaselo

This hits the nail pretty much on the head.
/Gratuitous Simpsons reference
//Yeah, not the best timeframe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSaWuLiV4mw

theeWeeBabySeamus

So should prospective parents and pet owners.
Sadly, none of the three are apt to occur.

Doktor Zymm

Pet owners probably get the most scrutiny, depending on where you get the pet from.

theeWeeBabySeamus

True dat.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Are you saying that a very narrow demographic focus group is not the way to pick a dynamic, intelligent, broad minded individual?

Spur

84% and Hillary wants to declare victory. I really want Bernie to win now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ve seen a lot over the years declare sooner than that.

Dunstan

Yeah, but it’s kind of smart. By the time the final numbers came in showing that Santorum “won” Iowa last time around, it didn’t matter because Romney had already gotten the real benefit of being declared the winner on caucus night.

Dunstan

And Huckabee suspends his book tour. I mean presidential campaign. Whatever. I’m sure he’s on the phone to Roger Ailes begging for a job already.

Senor Weaselo

The book tour’s back on!

nomonkeyfun

Hey, at least we’ll.get to hear his sweet stylings on the electric bass. Because you know picking the double bass is for those people.

Spur

Iowa GOP sure know how to pick um. Such legends as Huckabee in 08,Santorum in 12 and now Cruz in 16

Croooow

I’m just glad this whole thing is over. All the attack ads, phone calls, visitors, traffic. Just so wearing.
Seriously, if another state wants to go first, they can have it.

Doktor Zymm

This is the best time of year to use the horrible Iowhaaa? joke

Sill Bimmons

Rubio’s only 2000 votes behind Trump.

Croooow

As an Iowan, I’d like to apologize in advance for the moron this state is likely to choose as the “winner”.

Dunstan

As a Canadian, I share your shame.

WCS

You and Fek should move to better state. Like, Michigan or New Jersey.

Sill Bimmons

Not Iowa’s fault.

You have to choose a moron when you have nothing but morons to choose from.

Sharkbait

Cruz is why we can’t have nice things Iowa.

WCS

Ted Cruz’s poster reads,

“Crusted”

Spur

Bernie’s old man strength is wearing out Cankles down the stretch.

WCS

Huckabee, Santorum, Cruz?

Iowa is horrid.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Is this heaven?
No, it’s Iowa.
-guy who saw Shoeless Joe Jackson’s ghost. So…yeah.

Spur

O’malley’s 1% looks mad sexy to the Bernie camp right now.

nomonkeyfun

Tommy Carcetti disagrees with you.

Dunstan

Switched to Fox News just for shits and giggles, but now I am bewitched by the evil charms of Megyn Kelly.

Sharkbait

Thats how they get you.

Dunstan

Might as well get some use out of this Patriots Schadenfreude Boner

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If you watch enough white Santa and white Jesus will kill your boner.

Dunstan

I moved to CNN, where Wolf Blitzer is a reliable boner-killer.

nomonkeyfun

I didn’t understand the concept of a.”hate fuck” until Laura Inghram showed up on the TeeVee. I got it the first time. I saw her.

nomonkeyfun

I ain’t proud, but she got me through some lonely news segments when I was a teenager.

Spur

comment image

Spur

Rubio is the real winner today

Dunstan

If he ends up pushing Trump down to 3rd, I will have a yuuuuuuge drink of very classy scotch.

nomonkeyfun

i just want to say to all of you non NYC area people. I’m gladyou got to see my NY Post covers from the 80’s . I hate The Donald with a passion you can’t understand.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Push down the stairs from the 3rd floor? Sounds good; he goes to jail and Trump the Hump is dead.

Sill Bimmons

Just remember that the last two idiots who won this thing were Santorum and Huckabee.

Spur

Well, time to go back to not caring about Iowa for the next four years.

Redshirt

If Trump wins the Presidency, we better get used to this flag after he downgrades Iowa back an Organized Incorporated Territory.

http://www.usflag.org/historical/49star.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

1,2,3,4,5,6,7 stars
times…1,2,3,4,5,6,7 rows
7×7….shit…I know this one….
/takes of shoes…
DAMMIT
1×7 is 7….6×7 is 42….
49!!!!!!!
Oh yeah….now I get it. HAHAHAHAHAHA

Spur

Uncommitted tried his best. Poor guy

Dunstan

He just didn’t appeal to women voters.

ballsofsteelandfury

Top notch one two punch here. Top notch!

entropy

Oh, another author recommendation for anyone interested:

Robert Jackson Bennett. His first novel, Mr Shivers, is about Hobos in the great depression chasing after the latest incarnation of Death, who seems to have gotten bored being a mere metaphysical terror and has decided to become a real one. The Troupe is what the HBO show Carnivale should have been, and it’s strange and wonderful and populated with all manner of oddball characters.

My favorite, however, and his best, was American Elsewhere, about a town called Wink, New Mexico, that doesn’t seem to exist on any map. The inhabitants all have some dark secrets, and something large and terrifying lives in an arroyo just outside town…

Spur

Martin O’Malley suspending his campaign
What is dead can never die!

Dunstan

But rises again, as Secretary of Housing and Urban Development!

Sharkbait

I was about to start drinking for every political ad I see tonight, but I want to live to see the 3rd period.

Spur

It’s not over yet. Bernie 1.6% closing in.

Spur

I hope, when Trump claims the Presidency of America, that he punishes Iowa by taking away all their corn money.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I hope he dies of autoerotic asphyxiation in the Lincoln Bedroom.
But that’s just me….I like it when things get shaken up.

Spur

But that would cast us into the Reign of Empress Omarosa

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, well then can I do autoerotic asphyxation in the Lincoln Bedroom if I give a certain level of monetary contribution?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Oakland getting one more year of Mr. Bowl Cut: http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/14694084/oakland-raiders-owner-mark-davis-says-team-negotiating-remain-oakland-oco-coliseum-2016-season

This sentence was better when my brain omitted “where”:

“As of today, right now we are in the process of trying to negotiate a one-year extension at the Oakland Coliseum to play the 2016 season there,” Davis said in an interview with the San Jose Mercury News’ Tim Kawakami for his “TK Show” podcast. “And after we get that done, we’ll sit down and try to figure out where the future of the Raiders lies.”

entropy

I like your version better, too.

ballsofsteelandfury

I like the Las Vegas Raiders so much that it bothers me because we can never have nice things.