Hey folks! This episode of WTF is courtesy of the good people at *SKIP*

…What the Fuckaneers. I’m Marc Maron and this is WTF. On today’s episode, my interview with Joaquín “El Chapo” Guzmán. First conversation ever with a Mexican druglord! Well, for the podcast anyway. Oh man! This conversation… I really uh *SKIP*

…killed them all. Yet it turns out that Joaquín is nuts about cats! He asked me about LaFonda and… OK, I know what you are thinking. Stop it. Listen.

This is not easy, but bear with me. *Exhales* OK. LaFonda has been acting weird lately. I mean, I’ve talked about this before *SKIP*

…and well, whatever. My Spanish is not PERFECT. I mean, I’m no… Miguel de Unamuno, but, you know, it turned out OK.  You’ll have to wait though, ‘cause it’s the Super Bowl man!

Listen: the Super Bowl is one of those things that is just THERE. It’s an integral part of the culture and it’s… Let’s face it: it is a Big. Deal. It is a pretty huge fucking deal that you CAN’T. EVADE. Not even if you stay at home, don’t watch TV, call nobody just lock yourself in a room alone… That vibe. That uh, ATMOSPHERE, that today is The Big Game. You know everybody’s gonna be talking about it on Monday. Everywhere! And that hangs over you even if you don’t watch the game. C’ mon! Don’t be a Commie. Don’t be uh… a hermit! Even the fucking commercials are fodder for commentary and uh, international discontent. Hey, I’m not passing judgment; it’s just the way things are. Maybe that “Commie” thing was uncalled for. I’m sorry. Point is: join us. Enjoy the game. Break out the guac!

Who doesn’t love guac, by the way?

All right people: Valentine Day’s coming and the folks over at Adam & Eve *SKIP*

…and you put the thing on the thing. C’mon! Even if you hate Valentine’s Day, you can get a, uh… classy lube! Treat yourself! Turn that self-loathing into self LOVE. Alright, I added that last part.

Cam Newton! That fucking guy is huge! Man he looks like a linebacker but he’s. So. Fucking. Fast and elusive. And has easily–easily!–a top-5 arm, especially on long throws.

Yeah that’s right! I’ve been keeping up. I’ve watched SOME games. You think I’m gonna talk shit about shit I don’t know? Just who the fuck are you to *SKIP*

…I mean just because they let Colonel Gaddafi pitch a tent in Central Park every time that fucking bastard went to the U.N. *SKIP*

…it’s a matter of salinity. I mean, I don’t know. Oceans and entropy man. It’s interesting, cool shit; I shouldn’t have dismissed it. Call me quote Late to the party.

Yeah OK. Cam gets all the press, and he should. He’s playing like no one else. No one else! Some people say “Well, he’s not even playing like Cam Newton” like he just caught a good streak, like this is an outlier, a magic season, like he’s pulling a, uh–a  Rypien! A fucking Rypien man. Well, all I can say to that is fuck. You. You wanna talk streak? Hey, try stretching it back to his spectacular rookie season. Or when he came back in late 2014 after that car crash, and put up a fight at Seattle in the Divisional Round. You remember that crash. When there were these fucking… ASSHOLES all over the Internet talking about how fucking phony, PHONY, was his smile while he was being assisted by emergency dudes. Jesus Christ! Newton could’ve been maimed–but wasn’t! Wouldn’t you be happy? But people were taking pictures. To that I say: they’re taking pictures anyway; wouldn’t his smile appease all who were worried for him? Concerned about his well being, genuinely, not just if he’d play sometime soon. At any rate, who the fuck are these people taking pictures and posting them, and who are the fucking trolls that  divulge these pictures to further their agendas, their uh, machinations *SKIPS*

…just LOAFING, not doing a goddamn thing with their lives *SKIP*

…but, you know. It’s not a Les Paul, not by any measure, but it is still a decent guitar. But still, I can’t bring myself to miss New Mexico all that much. Just. Not. That much.

So yeah, Cam’s been doing it forever. All the tools were there from the start. Right in front of us! How about some props for being a hard worker? For maximizing his talents. Or hey, give total credit to his coaches, la enchilada completa, if you so detest or QUESTIOONN Newton’s spontaneity and pure joy in being out there competing and just shredding the shit out of EVERYONE. That Broncos defense though, it’s tough! It is tough. They won’t enable a cakewalk I can tell you that, and it wouldn’t surprise me if that Denver D scores a touchdown.

Look at me talking all knowing-y about football. Isn’t that what you come here for? To allow this pedagogue to tell you how things really are, while you let yourself be washed over with the nurturing waters of knowledge, letting them penetrate your pores and trickle down to your soul, until *SKIP*

…on offense. But enough about Peyton Manning. The Broncos can’t fall behind, that’s for sure. And that Carolina defense *chuckles* Well, they ain’t no kitty cats, boychick! Oooh, I should use that one for when I play the Catskills. Maybe I’ll take a klezmer. Who knows.

Thomas Davis though: I’m kinda torn. I wanna see the dude play and get his chance at glory, but fuck. As a fellow human, you know… I don’t know the guy, but he seems like uh, a model citizen and has overcome, you know, coupla ACL–well you know the story. Be careful out there man. *Exhales* But you know that won’t happen; probably he’s gonna go balls out if he’s out there. You know, you feel concerned and question if, well, if he’s… Well not exploited, but… Look: in the end he’s a seasoned professional who, let’s be honest, knows WAY more about the risks involved than others and will fucking suffer them. Why the hell a bunch of fans and TV people feel empowered to decide and have a voice and JUDGE, fucking judge, without any notion of what entails being out on the field hurt.

Respect Davis’s choice is all I’m saying, whatever it is. And FUCK the assholes who think they know better. Sitting out or losing one game, one fucking game! Even if its is the championship, that shouldn’t stain a career built on discipline, on effort, on uh, an unwavering DRIVE during rehabs… Same goes for Peyton and pretty much for everybody. I guess.

I’ll tell you what would be great though. Let’s say Carolina is up by 17 in the third quarter. You think Kubiak will pull Peyton for Osweiler? Is that even up to Kubiak? You don’t think Elway would just order the benching from way up high there in his GM booth? His throne. I’ll tell you this: Brock pulls that out, John’s gonna splooge. Boy! Oh man. *Chuckles*  That got GRAPHIC.

Well. You know me. I love cats. I’m the fucking cat guy! Panthers 27, Broncos 17. Now here’s my conversation with El Chapo. BUT FIRST, the reunion, in my garage, of Sports Monster: Nick Bakay, Joe Bolster and Jon Hayman. It just so happens that *SKIP*

Banner photo via Wikipedia; pretty sure that self-loathing / self LOVE bit is Maron’s verbatim. Who doesn’t love guac also. Maybe that waters / knowledge… There might also be in there some Mike and Mike (Tunison and Tanier, respectively). You know what? What is originality anyway? You enjoy stuff and it becomes a part of you and when you think about it *OFF*