Basketball Coma Methadone – Saturday Shakes Edition

Only 8 games today. It’s like being behing the Iron Curtain, da, comrades? Anyway, CBS even gets all crafty, trying to sneak their “white kids doing it THE RIGHT WAY” suckoff into the middle of the deck. I call your fucking bluff, and still plan to read or take a nap. GO FUCK YOURSELF, ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.

11(T)S Wichita State vs. 3S Miami (12:15, CBS)

Whatever you do, don’t get your hopes up for a work of art. But do expect some solid PG play, and old school inside/out action. Gregg Marshall is an asshole (the extra “g” is a dead giveaway), but I’m glad one of these teams will make the Sweet Sixteen, as an interesting style contrast. And with the cousinfuckers in the dustbin (pours one out for WCS), Miami may be my favourite non-hopeless side left. That’s fucking sad, but true.

12W Yale vs. 4W Duke (2:45, CBS)

Just eat shit and die. Cold, alone, and unloved. Sacks of human excrement.

5E Indiana vs. 4E Kentucky (5:15, CBS)

I really enjoy the thought of how many drunken fistfights there will be over this game. Especially amongst peeps that have never been within spitting distance of either campus. If you haven’t read “Donnybrook” by Frank Bill…you really need to get off your ass and do so.

12MW Arkansas-Little Rock vs. 4MW Iowa State (6:10, TNT)

Finally, we get a channel flipping option! I really am looking forward to this game, too. If the Trojans pressure the Cyclones, this could turn into a wild, high-scoring affair. Fun basketball is fun. Iowa State has the weight of the Big 12 on its shoulders, because FUCK KANSAS.

9MW Butler vs. 1MW Virginia (7:10, TBS)

Tony Bennett had to have the world’s biggest shit-eating grin after Middle Tennessee knocked off his White Whale yesterday. And he doesn’t even have to worry about keeping his team focused, because Butler is shit.

9S UConn vs. 1S Kansas (7:45, CBS)

Two memes, only one can survive. Kansas the 800-pound gorilla, UConn the March savant. The Huskies certainly have the athleticism to make things interesting, and I sure as fuck hope they do.

11MW Gonzaga vs. 3MW Utah (8:40, TNT)

Indeed, the Zags finally lowered expectations enough that they could just play ball again. And they ran emotionally spent Seton Hall off the floor. Now they get the polite young men of Utah, who bear the weight of the Pac 12 on their shoulders, because FUCK OREGON. This should be fluid offensive basketball, and thusly pretty good teevee.

9E Providence vs. 1E U*NC (9:40, TBS)

Have I mentioned before that I fucking hate U*NC? Well, fuck you, I’m gonna mention it again. These shitstains on Satan’s bathhouse floor deserve every bit of seething rage I can throw at them and then some. Unless the Friars are whipping their sorry asses, I will go to bed after the Utes/Zags game ends, because I will NOT let a Hole win be the way I end my fucking Saturday. Hurry up and come around to bite, Karma…