To share a story my mother likes to tell about my weirdo childhood, she asked then 6-ish year old me “Why did Jesus die?” to which I flatly responded “Because He let them put all those nails in Him!” I was born to go to engineering school. Also:
GREAT fucking live show (saw ’em at teh Cat’s Cradle twice). On to the fixtures:
4MW Iowa State vs. 1MW Virginia (7:10, CBS)
I really like the way the Cyclones play, though this is likely the last hurrah for the peak edition (from The Mayor’s recruiting classes). New coach Steve Prohm creeps me the fuck out, and I has no idea how he will successfully bring blue chip talent to the middle of nowhere. So…enjoy the ride. Maybe the last real chance for some non-chalk damage.
7E Wisconsin vs. 6E Notre Dame (7:27, TBS)
There’s not enough oxy in the world to make this one interesting, but if’n you want to bring some over and TRY, PDJ me and I will send you my address!!
11MW Gonzaga vs. 10MW Syracuse (9:40, CBS)
Sorry, Scotchy, but methinks the matchup zone runs into…matchup problems tonight. And Iowa State/Gonzaga Regional Final would be funner than hayellll, too (h/t Early Cuyler). Definitely watching this one start to finish, but keeping my Iowa State red on for IU.
5E Indiana vs. 1E U*NC (9:57, CBS)
It is a strange and fucked up kinda world when I am cheering for fucking Notre Dame AND Indiana on the same fucking night. But…here we are. Note that the staggered times are 10 minutes less so than last night, which is due to Ol’ Roy being a whiny fucking gash who deserves the Karmic assfucking that is hopefully coming his way tonight. Psssst, Ol’ Toy. You know that $7M or so you make a year? You make it because of the goddamned TV money. You don’t get to cash the checks and then bitch about late start times. Stick your fucking old man penis in a blender, get MRSA and die already.
Indiana band for extra mojo:
I <3 me some Katie. BUHLEE DAT!
What flavor is the white part of a Rocketpop?
Lemon, methinks
Sounds right. I’ll go with it.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/93bbc30f126f25d96d27277499f9eb23/tumblr_o4254vT4kR1qhuqtzo1_1280.jpg
Some shittastic defense in TB-NYI game.
But more importantly it’s shit-tastic Islander defense.
Part of me is debating whether it’s a controlled slide to get to the 1st WC because then they don’t have to play the Rangers and (hopefully not because then they’d have beaten said Rangers) Caps in the first two rounds. But no, it’s because Halak is hurt.
What was gearing up to be a heated race between Detroit and Philly for the last wildcard spot has somehow become watching the Isles crater. I’ll take it.
It’s something we can all agree on!
http://36.media.tumblr.com/71df79ba595871cf7aacdee0ab293103/tumblr_o4kdtwunsU1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Sorry, but damn that’s good.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma4zlfuvV41qbiyeso1_500.gif
Is this cartoon implying that Trump needs his anal glands emptied? Cause that’s probably too much to ask of any vet tech.
/quietly exits the room
Cuse down 3-0. The dream is over.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/c8b49aa42dc86a5b976243d2ae611fd2/tumblr_o3nd43a2mR1rzt723o1_400.gif
http://youtu.be/J9gKyRmic20
Duuuudeee….one of my favorite songs in ever.
I might now become drunkenly melancholy, however.
/hides phone to prevent drunk dialings
//won’t be able to find phone tomorrow
http://49.media.tumblr.com/a5dd3b5d95b86a875f74e18a3f4c28c6/tumblr_o4f0hkyJrH1tpmgf1o1_400.gif
Hey, so now that I’ve tossed some goofy statements around, anyone want to ask me where I spent the morning? In a hospital waiting for my 19-month-old to come out of anesthesia. She’s fine, emergency dental work that required her to be not squirmy. But yeah, I hope more than 30 days have passed the next time I have to sit by a hospital bed listening intently to beeps with any level of trepidation.
2016…fuck thyself.
Glad she’s OK.
I’ll second that.
Only 9 months to go till 2017?
That seriously sucks though. We’re all here to be your imaginary internet buddies whenever you need.
No shit, man. You go on all the imaginary shooting rampages you need to.
http://36.media.tumblr.com/5498397dc13301069e2287ba7939158e/tumblr_o4ex4h1BoW1thlg25o1_1280.jpg
http://45.media.tumblr.com/19d459babf0913d83ca3c7d1b27bc48b/tumblr_o4axa6y5N71tr6ni8o1_500.gif
“Going off the deep end” would imply I was anywhere near the pool.
I appreciate ACTUAL DEFENSE instead of this Duke world falling down on purpose bullshit. Good on ya, ND.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/01c64f638b468d279dacb24e6856df06/tumblr_o3bh7xuweg1ru67qro3_250.jpg
Back in the day they actually did jump the sharks.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/12c0c661b85ab8bd9f9d9921c3ed8c24/tumblr_o4m10t0IcG1ric2iqo4_1280.jpg
“The Black Terror! Who, disguised as mild-mannered George Zimmerman…”
So I picked West Virginia over Wisconsin in this game.
Wooooo!!!! No possible points!!!!!
I had ’em over Pitt. BACKYARD BRAWL WOO
http://49.media.tumblr.com/f2d52430e099c29cff3aec698bcc6d21/tumblr_mnw3hmyk0O1qgapm9o1_400.gif
Is that? It is, isn’t it? Original Mad Max villainny goodness, ftw.
Was driving me crazy…had to google it…
TOECUTTER!!!!!!!
Wiscy goes blurp.
Can’t believe I’m saying this…but IRISH WOO
http://49.media.tumblr.com/47e19c58fa654b5f92622e1520ed82c9/tumblr_o3cecvgXRo1tpmgf1o1_500.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KOqiIX1Z5Fo
That is not a good look, Zack Auguste.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/ba47508c1f769b808ab0cd78303a7280/tumblr_o4m5yq0iiY1ric2iqo8_1280.jpg
Hey, whatever keeps Father Flanagan away!
So, at the gym this morning someone brought up Tamagotchis. This prompted me to remember Tamagothis. I’m very pleased to say, the website is still around! Can you give your Tamagothi the right combination of speed, smack, beatings, and a fucked up sleep schedule to make them write mopey poetry?
http://www.studiohunty.com/tamagothi/
I never had a Tamagotchi but I did have a Sega Dreamcast with a VMU. Kind of like a memory card mixed with a Nintendo Game Watch and you could keep virtual pets from Sonic.
And yet no one knows how Sega lost focus.
The Dreamcast was my first game system. My parents would never buy me one, and it was the first time I had a job while still living at home, and therefore enough money to buy one myself. I actually have 2 right now, in various states of almost working properly. There were a lot of fantastic games, and I also got some weird Japanese imports, the best of which was Cool Cool Toon.
The closest game to Tamagotchi on Dreamcast would have to be Seaman.
http://static.giantbomb.com/uploads/original/0/4231/242418-seaman.jpg
Toy Commander was my jam.
That was a good one, but I think I didn’t play that one all the way through. There was a huge amount of good content. I played a lot of Crazy Taxi, Shenmue, Skies of Arcadia, I probably played through Jet Set Radio (or Jet Grind Radio, bah) three or four times, and I was damn good at the DC version of Soul Calibur, though not as good as my friend Micah. I WAS dominant at Virtua tennis. If only I could serve as well in real life.
My Dad insisted on the Intellivision, because it was more sophisticated than the Atari.
Waah, waah, waah….
We had PONG…..AND WE WERE THANKFUL TO HAVE IT!!!!
You kids, with your 8 bit systems and your Rock n Roll music….GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!
I don’t know how I keep ending up on your lawn….sorry sir!
The Intellivision was, based on technical specifications, a 16-bit system.
/self-wedgie
http://49.media.tumblr.com/f772d802d3be9fe3a2beec4f204a5396/tumblr_n7e84iT1No1qdaaw6o1_500.gif
Wasn’t Nigel Hayes the name of the super-reserved butler in The Remains of the Day? If not, shoulda been.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/fa2cc8c4d1de9656b6bef93234cd374e/tumblr_n8j5nnJUsm1qdaaw6o1_500.gif
Go Wiscy, ya cheese-eating, low-scoring goobers!
http://41.media.tumblr.com/0ba16638fd7e675365b397a6d38a8abc/tumblr_ns2tmkSwOD1qjrr8lo7_400.jpg
Sprinkles?
http://41.media.tumblr.com/efe3b1bfaca5774985321f9170edb7ec/tumblr_o2zvdiz9lU1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
http://36.media.tumblr.com/bf76cb3193c4b359c90ac4f9bbff76f1/tumblr_o3bv7viWCk1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
Sorry about all the glaze.
Just two glasses please.
/shows self out
SEE HOW EVEN A T-SHIRT STRETCHES?! Off the rack shit just ain’t made for boobs.
And don’t get me started on moobs.
I have a lesbian friend who claims she can tell when men have had breast reduction surgery based off of something about their nipples. I didn’t ask for details.
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/45321773.jpg
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lsv79wCKpk1qdaaw6o1_500.gif
Iowa: blown out
Iowa State: gets dunked on
Northern Iowa: biggest choke job ever
Way to represent.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/b01363de82798ba4724d1b934213047f/tumblr_o36fo9eqNW1tpmgf1o1_400.gif
So, we’re in Hell.
ALWAYS REPPIN
They still have corn. And Joni Ernst. She rips balls off pigs.
That’s what happens when you show mercy.
I always find it interesting where there is a sense of local pride for all. I have my local team that I love (NC State), but I would cheer for Old Scratch hisself against either of the Blues.
I guess Wake Forest is kind of ok, not that they’ve been relevant for a looooonnnnng fucking time.
For me: Since they all play in separate conferences, it’s okay to pull for them in the tournament. I’m not going to buy a t-shirt or anything (also I didn’t go to either school since I was a moron in HS).
Let me put it this way: Would you support a non-ACC North Carolina-based school if they went on a run?
This is their punishment for backing Cruz. If anyone else wins Iowa, they’re the “reasonable” alternative to Trump.
I should watch more commercials in Spanish. I’ll be able to expand my bus Spanish (Toque aqui por abrir puertas) to include phrases about skin problems and breakfast cereal!
No me toque ahi, por favor!
Cheerleader snuff porn from CBS? CHECK.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/4ff4eabea7e2ab4d1aeebd3b68006b16/tumblr_o3fjolq2pS1tybnd7o1_250.gif
The least amount of chill ever shown by an iguana.
Nothing going right for Iowa State, including cheerleaders getting kick balls to the face.
So….I know it’s animated, but the part of Archer where Pam is on lots of coke and skinny with huge tits, where did she get such well tailored clothes for an unusual body type on such short notice? I know the shirts aren’t fully buttoned, but the button around the largest portion of the chest is buttoned, and with no gapping. Totally unrealistic.
and they don’t have an old Chinese woman in their gang of palz ,, ppl forget that
Are you high?
Nah, I just notice weird shit and buy most of my clothes online based on sizing charts.
That is weird; most of Archer is ultra-realistic.
It’s always the small things that are distracting.
You don’t know the right tailor.
I imagine intelligence/espionage companies would have a good tailor on call.
I mean, Woodhouse tailors suits for Archer. He could alter the shirts, I just don’t know if he would, and those types of shirts are usually kinda shitty fabric that don’t alter well.
It’s true….though I did read a bunch of reviews of tailors on Yelp one time. I came to the conclusion that it would probably be easier to improve my sewing skills or buy new clothes.
sewing might come in handy for the zombie apocalypse
Pam was………….. drawn to the right tailor.
I guess being animated is kind of the equivalent of body paint, but with less nipple texture.
Pam is a pretty capable farmer’s daughter. She’s probably a mean seamstress on the footpedal Singer.
This is true.
My mom had one of those!
That’s a good point. Also, many of the shirts are kinda country/westerny, so it’s possible they’re old shirts of hers she had as a teenager or something. She probably still would have had to alter them then, but that could be a high school project, maybe?
That is some sad full-court D, Cyclones…
The easy layup off the inbound was pathetic.
which just happened again, ugh
Wiscy shooting 37%, ND 30%. Must be a FUN FUCKING GAME foar the viewer.
/PLEAZ beat the Holes, Humps U.
Damn. Shots just aren’t going in. Not looking good.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/4d58f0517e72f4cb0d98f9551d97a389/tumblr_o410z4jIVc1r868elo1_500.gif
Evening folks. Not happy about rooting for Gonzaga, my least favorite never-a-member-of-the-Big-East team.
/Johnnies haven’t been the same since Zaga Zaga’d that first time.
Someone help me out. Am I missing anything?
Boxers
Boxer briefs
Trunks
Briefs
Jocks
Thongs
Commando
Do cock rings count?
http://49.media.tumblr.com/ad6417adda6e3bd413e936e14f785e48/tumblr_o4lo2g1U1u1v51j7oo5_540.gif
Tobias Funke cutoffs?
“Do these effectively hide my thunder?” is one of the greatest lines ever uttered.
Iowa State has to shoot 70% just to not get run the fuck out the building. NOT a good sign.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/8eb39f3c162f90ae70708a6e4513bf90/tumblr_o3l0zn8Pxh1s9l6yxo1_250.gif
The official AFL site has odds with a link to a betting site next to the teams on the Match Center page. Haha, degenerate gambling other countries.
Reason#852 why the AFL is run better than the NFL!
His NAME…is TOBEY!!!
Grampy-panties:
http://cos.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/14/25/53a0705d2abd1_-_boxers_xl.jpg
If that man is a grandfather, there is some serious underage sex going on through two generations.
You’ve inspired me to add to my continuing series on male underwear. Next episode: The pros and cons of the different types of underwear.
http://postimg.org/image/in3jxxvab/
http://s29.postimg.org/kewisuenb/12801557_10153465160647393_3273254425630594222_n.jpg
This is awesome. Please tell me you wrote this.
Sadly no, though I’ll be happy to lie and claim credit.
The wisdom of Costanza – it’s not a lie if YOU believe it.
It IS really similar to my handwriting…and I DO own a red pen. I very well could have done something like that while drunk and not specifically remembered….
I also makes my “z”s that way.
I’ve recently started crossing my sevens and I derive a large amount of satisfaction from it.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/8c0633c0722b4e3146b0d9dedd0540ee/tumblr_nu14hy2z4D1toblj8o1_1280.jpg
Fair warning to all: The first AFL game starts at 7:40 Pacific. I plan to sprinkle in commentary on this thread as opposed to creating a new thread. Once this stupid baseketball thingy is over, we will return to AFL-specific open threads on weekends.
I for one welcome our Aussie footy overlords…
It features Melbourne, who I absolutely despise. Get ready for some quality hate.
Hate sustains. Hate is BEAUTIFUL.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ljbao0DCS61qdaaw6o1_400.gif
http://41.media.tumblr.com/fe0bfa30b2deed7de2a914f33a0bb7e1/tumblr_o4a2m5S5GI1qzhjh2o1_1280.jpg
Oh yay, that’s a reasonable time! I’ll be putting that on as well.
I wouldn’t mind if the Bulls fired Hoiberg right now so he can take back the Iowa State job.
And Prohm can back full-time to his first love. Masturbating in the bushes.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/60ad17c600a4f1db8df65df119a41345/tumblr_o45jifggun1uupfn8o1_1280.jpg
Nutted.
http://static.portlandbolt.com/uploads/2014/07/heavy_hex_nut1.jpg
Wanted to share this.
Oh my!
Islanders aren’t making the playoffs.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/4e0fb9c649e1a850baff1e689d192f77/tumblr_o4dfx4CFhG1tpmgf1o1_250.gif
Holy shit!
That was supposed to be the wheels coming off their season, but FAIL.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/4a5b26fc4ff7083184dfe064614589ec/tumblr_o40c3dfz2L1utovumo1_400.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/c93f6cbb734b342c4024e0ad31e0647b/tumblr_moxedkUPNG1qzkrjwo3_500.gif
I’m pretty sure I’ve seen the movie where that comes out of his ass.
It’s from a spoof where they summon the house ghosts to kill household pests, but maybe your version would be funnier.
I have no idea what it was, but I do remember seeing a movie where a guy attacked others by farting. Then again, I could have been drunk/imagining things.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/a00cca9ad149238cdf75e4332c152876/tumblr_o3zrr0i9oz1v1azd6o1_500.gif
Guys, we only have a little over a month before No Pants Day. We should probably start planning the celebrations now.
http://www.canada.com/reginaleaderpost/news/story.html?id=d0925d4a-0029-4f13-ae3f-3746669158e2&k=33861
That is so cute that they assume everyone wears tighty whiteys.
More terms for underwear should rhyme. Also, I really want the term “manties” to become more widespread because society as a whole doing stupid shit amuses me.
Aren’t manties another word for thongs for men?
I’m not sure there’s a strict definition. Lots of things could be considered man panties.
Also funny that it falls on Cinco De Mayo. I usually already don’t wear pants that day…
http://49.media.tumblr.com/ed7227bb4b708bfe0a36f682d36fa612/tumblr_mmr6c9fphV1ruq04eo1_250.gif
Well, we now know that SOMEONE doesn’t sunbathe nude.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/f1fe8a04b9d11cce65cf40ed5eb625ef/tumblr_o3l0oqsuT71s9l6yxo1_500.gif
Prohm is wearing BROWN SHOES with his navy suit. NO. JUST NO. Even I fucking know better.
There is only one men’s fashion thing I care about. Men should never wear sandals unless they get a pedicure or otherwise take care of their feet. Sandals with socks is dumb, and men’s feet are generally even more hideous than feet in general. No one wants to see that, except for maybe gay Rex Ryan.
So, no?
It’s okay for photos, they’re usually not high enough resolution to see the gross in detail. Also, sand is sort of like glamour blur, it hides the horrible details.
It’s also more of an issue in places where you’re more likely to be looking down, like on the bus.
And serious, my alternative is to watch ND and Wiscy outgrind/honky one another?
well, this game’s going to be weapons grade monkeyshit
I’m here mostly for the Islanders’ collapse, as the NCAA tournament has already shamed me
I’m having me some falafel, chicken shawarma, and fries for dinner. Also, Chrome’s spell check doesn’t include the words falafel or shawarma. Thas racist.
totes, yo
Mediterranean seasoned tuna steak (God bless Publix WOO) with couscous foar me, vicuprofen chaser.
Psst, Glorious Commentist Party. Games have started!!