Sweet Sixteen Part Deux (Dead Jeebus Day Edition)

To share a story my mother likes to tell about my weirdo childhood, she asked then 6-ish year old me “Why did Jesus die?” to which I flatly responded “Because He let them put all those nails in Him!” I was born to go to engineering school. Also:

GREAT fucking live show (saw ’em at teh Cat’s Cradle twice). On to the fixtures:

4MW Iowa State vs. 1MW Virginia (7:10, CBS)

I really like the way the Cyclones play, though this is likely the last hurrah for the peak edition (from The Mayor’s recruiting classes). New coach Steve Prohm creeps me the fuck out, and I has no idea how he will successfully bring blue chip talent to the middle of nowhere. So…enjoy the ride. Maybe the last real chance for some non-chalk damage.

7E Wisconsin vs. 6E Notre Dame (7:27, TBS)

There’s not enough oxy in the world to make this one interesting, but if’n you want to bring some over and TRY, PDJ me and I will send you my address!!

11MW Gonzaga vs. 10MW Syracuse (9:40, CBS)

Sorry, Scotchy, but methinks the matchup zone runs into…matchup problems tonight. And Iowa State/Gonzaga Regional Final would be funner than hayellll, too (h/t Early Cuyler). Definitely watching this one start to finish, but keeping my Iowa State red on for IU.

5E Indiana vs. 1E U*NC (9:57, CBS)

It is a strange and fucked up kinda world when I am cheering for fucking Notre Dame AND Indiana on the same fucking night. But…here we are. Note that the staggered times are 10 minutes less so than last night, which is due to Ol’ Roy being a whiny fucking gash who deserves the Karmic assfucking that is hopefully coming his way tonight. Psssst, Ol’ Toy. You know that $7M or so you make a year? You make it because of the goddamned TV money. You don’t get to cash the checks and then bitch about late start times. Stick your fucking old man penis in a blender, get MRSA and die already.

Indiana band for extra mojo:

I <3 me some Katie. BUHLEE DAT!

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Much to the delight of scotchy I’d imagine.
Never mind….just saw his scrotum tighten…so to speak.

scotchnaut

[scrotum tightens]

Doktor Zymm

VIDEO REVIEW

ballsofsteelandfury

Love the way they draw the square with their hands to signify a TV set.

Doktor Zymm
Beastmode Ate My Baby

Evan Dorkin made fun comics.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe a dumb question…the poles for the goals are different heights…is it like US field goals where it’s okay as long as it crosses the plane defined by the continuation of the poles, or does it not count if it’s over the poles?

ballsofsteelandfury

The goal posts are longer because goals are worth more points, so it’s important to tell when the ball is over. Also, if the ball hits the pole, it is NOT a goal, no matter what part of the pole it hits. That makes it easier.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Am I the only one who now wants a new Toyota Fortuner?
Damn you down under advertising!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

THey really get the best cars.

scotchnaut

Slipping away for Cuse…

ballsofsteelandfury

So, I get back from church late and we’re already in the second quarter and Melbourne is ahead?!?! WTF?!?!

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/4a/4ad7559cef59f025dd92e3db8fe833871a761cedb051ef68282d9c43dfd00361.jpg

Doktor Zymm

I was wondering where you were btw

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

So…why are some front sections of the oval mostly open? Do they have segregated home/away seating?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The relationship with the aboriginal people is a complicated one…

ballsofsteelandfury

They do have home and away seating, but the best seats are around where the goal scoring occurs. This is why the seats in the middle, the most visible ones, seem to be empty. It’s totally backwards from the NFL because the field is so big.

Doktor Zymm

It is damn huge. (Yes, yes, that’s what she said) I can see the middle not providing the best view.

WCS

Don’t ever drink with Jim Lahey and fucking Randy. You’ll find yourself looking at the clock, thinking it’s three hours later than it really is.

comment image

Gotta pizz-ace myself, dawg.

Doktor Zymm

Both some entertaining hairstyles and some entertaining ‘I’m fixing my hair between plays’ gestures in the AFL. This is an advantage of not having helmets.

Redshirt

So I watched the replay of the latest Bengals game on NFL Network. The refs lost control of that game big time. There was missed call for spearing by a Steelers. A few Bengals players should have been flagged or ejected in the first half alone. You could see the Bengals getting more and more pissed off with every play that there was a non-call from the Steelers. Not to mention that Jeremy Hill did twice as bad as Adam Jones after Ryan Shaizer murderdeathkilled Giovanni Bernard but he wasn’t flagged. The players got pissed off, the fans got pissed off and while it fed the Bengals comeback effort, it didn’t help them when they had the lead and they had to play smart. They weren’t playing to win a game; they were playing to beat the ever loving shit out of Pittsburgh. It just egregiosuly bit them in the ass.

Plus, note to AJ McCarron, if you got to go 80 yards, don’t throw a Hail Mary. No ones going to reach the endzone. They should have thrown the ball to Sunu put Pacman there as an extra guy to run and recreate the Cal-Standard play. Maybe even put Burfict there as a sacrificial lamb, so the Steelers D could be distracted wanting to kill or thank Burfict for that helmet shot and maybe that’s enough to get a Bengal player into the endzone.

But the most important thing is I watched the game again. So now the healing can truely begin.

Doktor Zymm

It’s okay. It’s always good to have something to complain about in years to come, and something to teach your children to hate.

Doktor Zymm

Do you think Ryan Crowley the AFL player is any relation to Aleister Crowley?

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Am I the only one still waiting for Dok Zymm’s promised 90s friends Suicide Girls photos?
Yes?
/screw you guys

Senor Weaselo

I don’t think she promised phot—ow!

Doktor Zymm

I couldn’t find em in 40ish seconds so I gave up. My friend had an awesome tree tattoo on her ribcage, it’s probably still on Internet somewhere.

Doktor Zymm

Doktor Zymm

Also, AFL is Live

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Any good links for those that don’t get fox soccer plus nine and are too cheap to shell out for a pay service?

Doktor Zymm

I’m the wrong person to ask, but it shouldn’t be too hard to find something with a Google search of “free AFL streaming” and just not clicking on the clearly fake shit. That’s been my Thursday Night Football strategy for the past few years.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I paid. But goatd.net often has the AFL links.
Just be careful as far as clicking too soon….seriously wait for the ad countdown before clicking or else you will have serious malware shitstorm.

Doktor Zymm

I was always too energetic to be a real goth. I got the sarcasm down, but my awful teen poetry was too damn humorous.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m older than you.
I have no remembrance of what you speak of.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO….I’ll concede the point.
…though without John Turturro, Danny Aiello and of course….
http://i.onionstatic.com/avclub/5467/27/16×9/960.jpg

Unsurprised

Semi related. I need to apply for these job openings I got emails for but I just can’t.

Doktor Zymm

Just mail off your resume. Unless they require a cover letter there’s no damn point in sending one.

Or is it the sort of thing where you need to fill out a long-ass form that just copies over the information in your resume because they can’t be bothered to read?

Unsurprised

This green tea is damn good. I need to get a kettle and basket so I don’t have to pay $4 for a mug. I can’t even afford that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I wouldn’t pay $4 for the actual mug.
/am a cheap bastard

Unsurprised

It is a dumb purchase, but I’m a dumb man.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indiana, you are sucking so bad!!!!
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theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s like a car crash. I want to look away but….

scotchnaut

Kennedy Meeks has that Greg Oden look going against him.

WCS

Doktor Zymm

It’s almost the end of Lent!

Doktor Zymm

Horrible pickup line from my goth phase while walking from my parking space to the venue : “Do you have any change? Hey, you have great legs, I’ll buy you breakfast?”

Senor Weaselo

…Did it work?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, you used that line? Can’t believe it didn’t work for you.
Maybe next time leave out the part about “change”.

WCS

How nice were his legs?

scotchnaut

In Not Surprising News, Mexico 1-0 Canada.

ThePirateSloth

I’m terribly disappointed in myself that I have not participated in Stripparoke since I’ve lived up Portland way, and even more disappointed in myself that I have not participated in Stripparoke when I learn that Dave Chappelle was at it last weekend rocking out.

/consoles self with free rum from behind the bar at The Swabby Sloop

...

My friends there were thinking of taking me to this but the timing didn’t work out right. I have on my list of things to do when I return.

Unsurprised

I will never go to a strip club, but reading about Chappelle doing that made me doubt myself for a moment.

Senor Weaselo

What the hell is Stripparoke?

Unsurprised

Karaoke at a strip club, both of which Portland has in great abundance.

Unsurprised

It does. And there are plenty more in the rest of Oregon.

Doktor Zymm

Modern bands just don’t know how to incorporate classical strings. It’s a Dirty Shame, and not in a good way like the John Waters movie.

Redshirt
...

It’s really fun to watch.

Doktor Zymm

If you’re gonna break rules, break em hard.

Senor Weaselo

Smatterings of my social feed are freaking out. Guatemala 2-0 USA.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Always the humanitarian.

Doktor Zymm

Australian goth! They don’t get out in the sunshine to get healthy exercise and variously kick or catch balls. So sad.

Redshirt

So how was Batman-Superman? Is it as bad as I’ve heard?

Senor Weaselo

Why is it going to have a top 5 opening? Why is it going to have a top any number opening?

Porky Prime

So is it Green Lantern bad, Jonah Hex bad, or just Superman 3 bad?

Senor Weaselo

Oh, I’m not going to see it.

WCS

Jonah Hex was the Ishtar of comic book movies. Batman Vs. Superman has the potential to be The Room.

Croooow

Is there a network late night talk show host worth watching these days? Meyers is alright.

WCS

The same can be said for anyone who just watches James Cordon, really.

Doktor Zymm

It’s always fun when you can’t tell if the lyric is “ersatz” or “incest”

scotchnaut

Cuse survives the first half! WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!

theeWeeBabySeamus

AKA 20 minutes left in the season?
j/k…probably.

scotchnaut

All they have to do is not be stupid…oh shit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey, I’m familiar with that dynamic.
May they have better luck than a certain band of arseholes who call Raleigh home.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

I be open minded!

Doktor Zymm

Oh yeah, Darkwave is fun. It’s probably where New Order and Depeche Mode fall, and you gotta like that stuff.

Doktor Zymm

I wonder if I can find pictures of my friends who were on Suicide Girls in the early-mid 90’s. Those women got a shitty deal btw.

Senor Weaselo

Wow, Ice Liouns have 14 SOG late in the 3rd, which is why they’re down 4-0 to the Ice Ex-Rams.

Senor Weaselo

They got to 15!

scotchnaut

If Cuse could hit a layup…

Doktor Zymm

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK…somebody go confiscate Zymm’s eyeliner.
That’ll at least delay the inevitable.

Doktor Zymm

I always read that as “Don’t dead, open inside” which raises all sorts of linguistic and philosophical questions.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hoosier Daddy?
Apparently not IU so far.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been way too nostalgic recently. This is going to end in me putting on a lot of black/dark burgundy velvet with a corset and too much eyeliner and trying to find a goth night.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Resist. The. Urge.

Doktor Zymm

Did you know gin and tonic glows under blacklight?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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WCS

Damn conformists.

Doktor Zymm

It’s such a shame that all modern varieties of malaria are quinine resistant. That’s why I switched to gin and soda. Or even gin and kombucha.

Porky Prime

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WCS

AAH! Warn a guy next time!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

Oh snap! I just realized my hair is a good length right now to do liberty spikes! My half goth/half punk phase was damn fun.

Doktor Zymm

Though I probably can’t replicate reading the Baroque Cycle while doing coke and drinking Yuengling.

WCS

Guess who got refuckulated with Lahey and fuckin’ Randy tonight.
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Then why did you have kids? To tend to the farm?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Do I wanna know what a “meccano arsehole” consists of?
I don’t think I do.