¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Latest posts by Don T (see all)
- The Wait is Over: BEL-ENG, World Cup 3rd Place Open Thread – July 14, 2018
- Last Month of the Offseason WOOO! – July 1st Open Thread – July 1, 2018
- Messi! Cristiano! Etc.! – World Cup Elimination Open Thread – June 30, 2018
Hardly illuminated video of shadowy, jumpy images. The audio is a bit grainy, but clear.
Jaqen H’gar: *In a deliberate, paused enunciation* Come forth, please.
Door Flies Open: *Shrill overanxious voice* There near the water? Good. Lemme just set this… *Thud* I’M HERE AT THE FAMOUS HOUSE OF BLACK AND WHI—
JH: What brings you to Braavos?
DFO: –TE IN… What? Oh, I’m in town for Lobsterfest, but it starts at 12.
DFO: Sorry *shrugs* I should’ve called before I came.
JH: A man caught me playing nurse, but is welcome. And seems inquisitive…
DFO: AM I!
DFO: Jesus Christ, the acoustics are awesome in here.
DFO: Yeah OK. *clears throat* As a no-namer, what do you think about how, um, the teams of the AFC South improved after the draft? And please explain your answer by team and pick.
JH: A team with a young quarterback with upside can’t afford this bad a draft.
DFO: That’s, um… So you think *looking up, thinking* Wait. Are you talking about Mariota? Bortles? Or you mean Osweiler. The Texans? You think Osweiler has upside?
JH: A man ignores youth in a battered body.
DFO: OK, Luck, alright. So it’s the Colts, right? Are the Colts screwed? They drafted no receivers.
JH: *Makes paused, solemn wanking motion*
DFO: Right. Well, give me a specific observation then.
JH: A team is wise investing rookie-scale money on defensive linemen.
DFO: Hang on *takes out four folded papers and mechanical pencil, underlines portions* All four teams drafted defensive linemen.
JH: A man needs an eraser to write?
DFO: I like the sound the lead makes when writing. And I hate ink stains, OK?
JH: *Smirks* A man who fears stains should neither fight nor write.
DFO: *To himself* Thanks Sun Tzzzzzzzz
JH: *Glares* If a man knows the players then all answers make the same noise.
DFO: Tch, even if you know how players X, Y, and Z were in college, you can’t say whether they’re a lock or a bust until a couple of years of playing in the NFL.
JH: A team that drafts for need has half the battle won.
DFO: *Sighs* But if you select a prospect at a need position who doesn’t pan out, the time for development is wasted and you still have the same problem.
JH: A man thinks best player available is the best strategy?
DFO: But that’s my point! You can only consider best college player available, because you can’t just quantify a bunch of NFL-type skills. And another thing, Jack—
JH: Ja QEN H’gar is dead. I am no one.
DFO: My, awfully touchy for a dead AND anonymous guy.
DFO: Just sayin’.
JH: *Rolls eyes* A team made an excellent first round offensive lineman selection.
DFO: OK *clicking mechanical pencil repeatedly* The Titans drafted Conklin, and the Colts a center. Which? One?
JH: A man lacks faith.
DFO: Great. A Titans Maybe. *Loud thud from the lead of the mechanical pencil falling to the ground*
DFO: Yeah sorry whatever. *Opens remaining buttons from polo shirt* Geez, it’s musty as fuck. Valar dehumidifier?
JH: *To himself* A man is trite.
DFO: Wait, what? Now listen. Please give me a straight answer. With Malik Jackson, Dante Fowler and the six defensive players they drafted: will the Jags be the most improved defense in 2016?
JH: Terrible to mediocre is a leap.
DFO: So they’ll only be passable on D? Will the Jags offense be garbage time kings again?
JH: What you call garbage time is fantasy gold.
DFO: *Puts paper and mechanical pencil back in pocket* Listen, they only hand out bibs to the first 300 customers, so I gotta get. But, please, PLEASE, gimme a straight answer: did the Titans draft at least two good starters on defense?
JH: A man lacks tact. Any value in a draftee’s name is speculative.
DFO: For a Captain Obvious, you’re sententious as hell.
JH: All players are equal to the Many Faced God. *Points to wall*
DFO: So that’s it. It’s all the same to you. Wonderful.
JH: For smoke up your butt, perhaps a man should go to The Matrix and see The Oracle.
DFO: Well she lets you smoke, and she gives you cookies. You are a helluva a host. You haven’t even offered me a glass of water since I got here.
JH: A man must save all the water he can. Jets and Bills fans are coming.