Live On Periscope: Jaqen H’gar Talks AFC South & 2016 Draft

Don T

Don T

Poor choices, mixed results.
¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre!
Don T

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Hardly illuminated video of shadowy, jumpy images. The audio is a bit grainy, but clear.

Jaqen H’gar: *In a deliberate, paused enunciation* Come forth, please.

Door Flies Open: *Shrill overanxious voice* There near the water? Good. Lemme just set this… *Thud* I’M HERE AT THE FAMOUS HOUSE OF BLACK AND WHI—

JH: What brings you to Braavos?

DFO: –TE IN… What? Oh, I’m in town for Lobsterfest, but it starts at 12.

JH: …

DFO: Sorry *shrugs* I should’ve called before I came.

JH: A man caught me playing nurse, but is welcome. And seems inquisitive…


*Distant shushing*

DFO: Jesus Christ, the acoustics are awesome in here.

JH: *squints*

DFO: Yeah OK. *clears throat* As a no-namer, what do you think about how, um, the teams of the AFC South improved after the draft? And please explain your answer by team and pick.

JH: A team with a young quarterback with upside can’t afford this bad a draft.

DFO: That’s, um… So you think *looking up, thinking* Wait. Are you talking about Mariota? Bortles? Or you mean Osweiler. The Texans? You think Osweiler has upside?

JH: A man ignores youth in a battered body.

DFO: OK, Luck, alright. So it’s the Colts, right? Are the Colts screwed? They drafted no receivers.

JH: *Makes paused, solemn wanking motion*

DFO: Right. Well, give me a specific observation then.

JH: A team is wise investing rookie-scale money on defensive linemen.

DFO: Hang on *takes out four folded papers and mechanical pencil, underlines portions* All four teams drafted defensive linemen.

JH: A man needs an eraser to write?

DFO: I like the sound the lead makes when writing. And I hate ink stains, OK?

JH: *Smirks* A man who fears stains should neither fight nor write.

DFO: *To himself* Thanks Sun Tzzzzzzzz

JH: *Glares* If a man knows the players then all answers make the same noise.

DFO: Tch, even if you know how players X, Y, and Z were in college, you can’t say whether they’re a lock or a bust until a couple of years of playing in the NFL.

JH: A team that drafts for need has half the battle won.

DFO: *Sighs* But if you select a prospect at a need position who doesn’t pan out, the time for development is wasted and you still have the same problem.

JH: A man thinks best player available is the best strategy?

DFO: But that’s my point! You can only consider best college player available, because you can’t just quantify a bunch of NFL-type skills. And another thing, Jack—

JH: Ja QEN H’gar is dead. I am no one.

DFO: My, awfully touchy for a dead AND anonymous guy.

JH: …

DFO: Just sayin’.

JH: *Rolls eyes* A team made an excellent first round offensive lineman selection.

DFO: OK *clicking mechanical pencil repeatedly* The Titans drafted Conklin, and the Colts a center. Which? One?

JH: A man lacks faith.

DFO: Great. A Titans Maybe. *Loud thud from the lead of the mechanical pencil falling to the ground*

*Distant shushing*

DFO: Yeah sorry whatever. *Opens remaining buttons from polo shirt* Geez, it’s musty as fuck. Valar dehumidifier?

JH:  *To himself* A man is trite.

DFO: Wait, what? Now listen. Please give me a straight answer. With Malik Jackson, Dante Fowler and the six defensive players they drafted: will the Jags be the most improved defense in 2016?

JH:  Terrible to mediocre is a leap.

DFO: So they’ll only be passable on D? Will the Jags offense be garbage time kings again?

JH: What you call garbage time is fantasy gold.

DFO: *Puts paper and mechanical pencil back in pocket* Listen, they only hand out bibs to the first 300 customers, so I gotta get. But, please, PLEASE, gimme a straight answer: did the Titans draft at least two good starters on defense?

JH: A man lacks tact. Any value in a draftee’s name is speculative.

DFO: For a Captain Obvious, you’re sententious as hell.

JH: All players are equal to the Many Faced God. *Points to wall*

DFO: So that’s it. It’s all the same to you. Wonderful.

JH: For smoke up your butt, perhaps a man should go to The Matrix and see The Oracle.

DFO: Well she lets you smoke, and she gives you cookies. You are a helluva a host. You haven’t even offered me a glass of water since I got here.

JH: A man must save all the water he can. Jets and Bills fans are coming.

Banner image via and Jon Runyan via

Don T
Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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Moose -The End Is Well NighLow Commander of the Super SoldiersRikki-Tikki-DeadlyHoratio Cornblowerblaxabbath Recent comment authors
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Horatio Cornblower

DFO: “Did the Cowboys err using the 4th pick in the 1st round on a running back?”

Jaqen: “A man is fucking crazy”

Mysteriously appearing but crazy hot Dothraki chicks: “It is known”

DFO: -sigh- “Yeehaw”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jaqen: “A man cannot lose his mind when playing a dangerous game.”

Goodell: “How would you like to head up our new concussion task force?”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This was brilliant on many levels. And after so many years, some things finally make sense. The Texans are the team that has no team.


This man makes some sense, however if a man tries to lose his identity does he not create an even stronger identity?


This is just awesome – a man who finished jacking off recently enjoyed this.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You are going to have to be more specific to narrow down the identity of this man.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Jaqen H’gar?


RAMIT should bring on Jaxon D’Ville as part of their rebranding in LA because Rampage is bad and that team is bad.


What in great God’s name is that on the upper right? Is that a hole in the wall where the men can see it all, and also back in time to the eighties?

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Enhance… Enhance… Enhance…

It appears to be “GAME-USED FUX,” so, yes.