INT. EVERBANK FIELD LOCKER ROOM – DAY

A circle of young, strong, healthy, half-dressed men surround a well-built bald man twenty years their senior. They are tossing a pair of turf shoes amongst each other, laughing at the older man’s futile attempts to get them back.

ALL: [taunting] Keep away!

TODD WASH: Come on, guys, this isn’t funny!

TELVIN SMITH: [tossing the shoes just over the coach’s outstretched hands] Oops, almost got it!

WASH: You too, Fowler?

DANTE FOWLER, JR: You’ll never get these back if you just stand there and yell at us, Rookie.

WASH: I’ve been here longer than you!

JARED ODRICK: Sorry, coach, but it’s your first year as defensive coordinator.  That makes you a ROOKIE!  Ha ha ha!

— [DOOR FLIES OPEN] —

Head coach GUS BRADLEY enters the locker room, eating a banana and carrying a duffel bag.  Grinning, he finishes it and blithely tosses the peel aside.

ALL: Coach!

BRADLEY: What’s up, guys!

COACH BRADLEY strolls into the ring of players, leaps up and grabs the pair of shoes, and hands them to WASH.

BRADLEY: All right, all right, what’s going on here?

ODRICK: Aw, we’re just hazing the new guy a little, coach.

WASH: I’ve been with this team for four years!

ROY MILLER: Hey, how was your vacation to Italy, coach?

BRADLEY: Good, good.  Hey, that reminds me, where is Davon?

ODRICK: He’s in the showers, coach.

BRADLEY: [reaches into his bag and removes a bottle of olive oil] Hey House-O, I gotcha a present.  Catch!

COACH BRADLEY hurls the bottle into the steam-filled shower area.  A loud SMASH is heard.

DAVON HOUSE: (offscreen) What the fuck?!?!

BRADLEY: Ha ha, that’s why you’re defending passes instead of catching them,  House-O!  Stone hands!

WASH: Listen, Gus, I appreciate the promotion, but I’ve been meaning to talk to you about…

BRADLEY: [interrupting] Not now, Wash.  Gather round, boys.  I’ve got some good news, and some bad news.  Which one do you guys want first?

ALL: Good news, good news!

BRADLEY: Okay, so the good news is that we brought in some really great talent during free agency.  [glances at a pair of new faces] Malik, Tashaun, welcome aboard.  The bad news is that we had to spend a lot of money to do it.  Which means we had to cut a few frills.  We had to let a couple of groundskeepers go, so you’ll notice the practice fields aren’t in quite as good shape.  And it’s gonna be another year before we finally get the player cafeteria open, so you’re gonna have to keep eating breakfast in the treatment room…

[cutaway to Luke Joeckel sitting in a hot tub, happily munching on piece of toast, oblivious to the toaster perched precariously on a shelf behind him]

BRADLEY: …and we’ll have to rely on donated materials for this year’s wood-chopping exercise [points to a pile of nail-studded two-by-fours – obviously culled from a demolition site – that are stacked precariously in a corner of the locker room].  But enough of that.  Let’s talk training.  Posluszny, you get that thing set up?

PAUL POSLUSZNY: Sure thing coach!  [gestures to where a makeshift tripwire has been strung between benches using athletic tape]

BRADLEY: Nice!

WASH: About that, Coach, do you really think it’s a good idea to have a tripping hazard in the middle of the locker room?

BRADLEY: What, you think high-stepping is just for running backs?  No way, buddy, the boys on defense have gotta keep on their toes too!

WASH: No, coach, it’s just that this locker room, this space…it’s just so incredibly unsafe.

BRADLEY: Oh, ho, ho, get a load of Touchy McFeels over here!  Safe space?  You been spending too much time hanging around with these millennial pansies.  [simulates crying] Did W-w-w-wash get his widdle feelings hurt when the took away his pwecious shoes?

WASH: I don’t give a shit about that.  It’s just…some of this “team-building” stuff, the hoverboard races, the scorpion hunt, the knife-juggling contest…I’m just worried that someone’s gonna get hurt.

BRADLEY: Hey, it’s football.  People get hurt all the time.

WASH: I get that, I really do.  I just think that there’s a lot we can do around here to reduce the number of accidents.  Not injuries.  Accidents.

BRADLEY: Hey, accidents happen.  It’s just part of the landscape when you’re a Jaguar.  Always has been.

[cutaway to a bar, where JUSTIN BLACKMON sits on a stool. A puddle appears on the floor beneath the stool and slowly spreads outward]

LIN SUE: [noticing] GODDAMNIT YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT THAT’S THE LAST TIME GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

[fin]