NFL Notes:
- Yeesh. Second-year Eagles WR Nelson Agholor is accused of raping / sexually assaulting a dancer at a strip club near the practice facility. Even worse for the Eagles is that there are reports of two other players with him at the club prior to the incident.
- UPDATE (7:15 pm) – one story has the rape claim coming after a disagreement about how much the champagne room cost.
- Oh – I forgot to mention the “Aaron Rodgers” rule yesterday. It’s a clarification of the rule that says if the coin doesn’t flip, it must be reflipped and the team that had the call cannot change their pick. There’s a Rodgers-is-gay joke in there somewhere, but it seems too forced to try and find it.
- The Chargers have filed a petition with over 110,000 names on it in support of a ballot initiative for their proposed new stadium. The fine print probably hooks each of those people for $1000 to help subsidize the stadium, which still sounds better than a Verizon contract.
- A “Good news” story is Devon Still trying to catch on with the Texans, and his daughter Leah is running blocker on JJ Watt & Vince Wilfork.
Finally, Gawker filed for bankruptcy, so either we:
- Buy Deadspin; or
- Spam the comments and invite their readers over here.
That’s #UpForAnything thinking! You’ll notice the change when the scroll starts advertising for Hooters.
I “met” Gordie Howe twice in my lifetime.
Once was when he played for the Hartford Whalers, and I got his autograph before a Canucks game. I was 12, and raised on his legend. It was also just at the start of the Gretzky era, so it was at the time of the actual torch passing. In those days, the glass on the sides was only three feet high off the boards, so a little kid could stand on the edge and reach over to hand a player something to sign. Gordie was nice enough to come by the group of kids I was with and sign something for everyone.
The second time was towards the end. He had been made a symbolic co-owner of the Vancouver Giants WHL team. But he took the role of mentor seriously. He came out 1-2 times a year and sat down with the players to offer counsel. I met him at a season-ticket holder handshake. He wasn’t the man he was, but he was still Gordie Howe. His handshake was still a crusher, and I still called him “sir”.
When it was announced that he’d died, those were the things that popped into my head. Not black & white memories of watching him win Cups, Cameron from “Ferris Bueller” wearing a Detroit Howe jersey despite the movie taking place in Chicago, or the stories from Ted Lindsay’s book “Net Worth” (a very good read) which talk about both his playing ferocity and his individualism, both which some players accuse of helping hold down salaries in the 1960s. It’s a 12 year-old kid meeting a living legend, and a 40 year-old man acting like a kid around that same person years later. There’s always going to be the legend, but I’ve got my own stories.
Because it’s a song with hockey connotations, here’s The Tragically Hip – Fireworks.
And because it’s about faded glory and I fucking love The Kinks, here’s “Celluloid Heroes”.
Tonight’s playoff action:
NBA: Golden State @ Cleveland – 9:00
Get to bed early, because Switzerland plays Albania at 9:00 EDT, which doesn’t sound bad until you remember that’s 6:00 AM Pacific time. I’m also meeting my neighbours at the Legion at 9:00 PDT for the Wales-then-England matches, because I talked a lot of shit during qualifying, and now I have to drink my words. SCOTLAND FOREVER!
It’s all over but the literal dumpster fires
Does the city go around before Game 5 and pick up stray couches to prevent riots?
All these sad Cavs fans tells me Cleveland is all ready for Browns season to begin.
When does Bron Bron show everyone his dong? Wasn’t that little fashion faux pas Game 4 of the Finals last year?
http://s3-ec.buzzfed.com/static/enhanced/web05/2012/7/6/15/anigif_enhanced-buzz-16714-1341602712-8.gif
WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
http://p.fod4.com/p/media/9ecaed4598/2nRlLLZQEWQ3dKcOMvam_Trampoline%20Sweatshirt.gif
QBERT!?!?
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmcazoHV0N1qh5iszo1_400.gif
That’s a happy goat!
Inorite?
Ghostbusters Kobe runs like he shit his pants
Death – Spiritual Healing
https://youtu.be/LAJQOeCSs_o
Welp at least you got football in a couple months Cleveland
At least the baseball team is kinda sorta good?
Their biggest problem is that KC is on an 8 game skid, and they’ve only managed to go up 3 games.
They swept KC, but who hasn’t recently?
My Morning Jacket – Holdin on to Black Metal
https://youtu.be/Oc6IELrzpCg
Floor hugs!
Btw, if you’re Kerr, do you pull Green to protect him or leave him in to fuck with Lebron?
That’s a really good question. I would guess ride out the next 60 seconds.
With this game seemingly in hand, I’d pull him and let Bogut finish it out. Why risk something stupid putting him one T closer to a suspension?
Why is the “screamy woman” always the one best picked up by the mic’s?
Because your sense of hearing is much more highly atttuned to high-pitched sounds, which are almost always sounds of danger or distress.
There just isn’t a whole lot of bass in nature so we don’t pick up on it above the median ambient noise like we do treble.
Plus, I bet she’s real bitch.
T up Bron Bron!
http://hugelike.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/dog_on_a_trampoline.gif
http://cdn.gifbay.com/2013/05/trampoline_by_pool-49279.gif
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/052013/reverse-1378400742_trampoline_basketball_shot_fail.gif
Being alone sucks.
Cleveland just remembered they’re Cleveland.
That is some limp-wristed flag waving, Cleveland
Holy FUCKBALLS Nicasio
That…was not a good inning. Wonder if he still starts Sunday.
All this with two fucking outs and a pitcher batting.
I got myself all thrash metal earlier.
I knew it would end like this…
That’s a damn fine way to end it!
Hellhammer – Horus/Aggressor
https://youtu.be/0fJFVoUoBnw
Metallica – For Whom the Bell Tolls
https://youtu.be/17HRV8k1YMw
http://img.memecdn.com/back-flip-fail_o_538157.jpg
Not pictured: his post-surgery face
At least he didn’t burn his ass.
All that sweet, sweet grafting tissue to fix his face was totally undamaged!
at least cripples make good firewood, apparently?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/80e29c85fbd3ccebf2479e16a16a6957/tumblr_o793rgI3wf1qhcrb0o1_1280.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3b1849d0728910f347328dd15cf68436/tumblr_o8ipa1GjTs1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
You don’t disrespect Waino’s bat like that ,, smgdh
http://66.media.tumblr.com/7b0a61e30a6f7cffcd16d03354ca3dad/tumblr_meui6nI1GO1rin83no1_500.jpg
http://67.media.tumblr.com/bc7feaee3605825e315d5aba33b0839e/tumblr_o8h1uzJo0v1s8ed3so1_250.gif
I don’t want to “like” this, but I also don’t want to not “like” it.
Such a dilemma.
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/102010/1287429947_swing-flip-fail.gif
He didn’t need them femurs.
For BFC, and anyone interested in AFL tonight: Unfortunately, the Port Adelaide-Western game is on Fox Soccer Plus, which is not widely available. On the positive side, you have 35 minutes to find a bar that carries it! First bounce is at 8:40 Pacific.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwwbcyqMTO1qap9uuo1_500.gif
Nicely done, Iggy!
Ariana Grande – Problem Ft. Iggy Azalea
https://youtu.be/1ROFzco2rz4
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3c3f6fc7d678da0f31317e80c0cb2380/tumblr_o8eb2zX5bi1up8o5po2_250.gif
Yeah I was lookin for a Ziggy Cartoon and this is unacceptable.
The original and still The Champ:
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1438773/nunchuck-flip-o.gif
Time for happy hour.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/70fc12137ee63d77c50b687ef918ba91/tumblr_o80g0vh9v61qlz1v3o1_1280.jpg
Winner!
Winner!
Chicken dinner…..
Isn’t she cute? Her name is Mumbles and was born without globes. So basically, those are prosthetic eyeballs!
http://i.imgur.com/k1KYqCT.jpg
Who knew the dollar store carried medical implants and shit????
I gotta go in there and REALLY explore one of these days.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/c5bdf77f54a24c309d501babb47bbf87/tumblr_mh6zal6Qtx1rin83no1_500.jpg
He smells MY elephant!!!
Guess there were nuts up there…
Well it’s good to know that the rules about reviewable plays are just as nonsensical in all sports.
This game needs John Tesh
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f7e0f9d1c3eaa98eea26fc8a2e066e21/tumblr_o85w6neccH1sj5f7go1_400.gif
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-olGflcjEq_s/TVtcS94MWjI/AAAAAAAALSk/KgV3ifdNv5w/s320/failflip.gif
So the one thing I have learned from these is that my ass should never try to do a back flip.
http://25.media.tumblr.com/aa067def250735e0bd43af5a3cac80ce/tumblr_mwtei6BCHq1qkgh4go2_250.gif
I would be lucky to look that coordinated!
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6f18f0e06cec2a9e8759dcf106a8d054/tumblr_o65ksocMk81ul9uvdo1_500.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/7f9a4a1ce231c234f15a26265d4d6413/tumblr_n67s8gBQvb1sz6116o1_500.jpg
YES!!!!!
http://media2.giphy.com/media/owWv26ZvLINGw/giphy.gif
Everything is funnier when a Spider-Man costume is involved:
http://gamerzintheshadowz.weebly.com/uploads/5/0/8/3/50830879/5647139_orig.gif
http://jokideo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Funny-gif-Backflip-fail.gif
Hmmm, I made the second sazerac bigger and stronger than the first…
http://66.media.tumblr.com/8be73cde4a602dc68de6dcee3fc2450a/tumblr_o1yh023gG21uww7qho1_1280.jpg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sr4YqJAuZ4#t=2m13s
http://67.media.tumblr.com/395f34edf3402787db39a9a985340e8e/tumblr_o84qjwHeaB1u53c30o8_1280.jpg
http://gif-finder.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Well-the-Jerk-Store-called-and-theyre-running-out-of-you..gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/b22ea26a2ed714db1b9023e4433962c4/tumblr_o4r837qIaz1tvp8p0o1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/8daca96de49b90202406832eb7c08d37/tumblr_o84qjwHeaB1u53c30o2_1280.jpg
There’s something strangely unifying about the flip fail .gif:
Everyone in them did what they did of their own free will, fully aware of the consequences of failure.
“But I’ve been told I can do anything!”
Assuming he’s conscious, his next thoughts will go in this order…
Wow, my face hu…..Can’t breathe, can’t breathe…..Can’t breathe….ahhh…OK, that’s bette…
BALLS!!!!!!!!!
Things getting rough in Cleveland? Maybe they’re looking for a dry run ahead of the GOP convention.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f70eccf4b561ec7cd060e72a59d3e909/tumblr_mnk99iVgFn1rin83no1_1280.jpg
Pretty impressive in that cold weather
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view3/1211629/how-not-to-do-a-backflip-o.gif
Yes 🙂
http://38.media.tumblr.com/96af6197e23a974609dc1207740aa289/tumblr_inline_nzbmdp3R7h1qdmmeb_500.gif
No 🙁
http://gifsec.com/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/05/GIF-Backflip-FAIL.gif
Dammit, wasn’t even an imgur.
OK, different version of “NO”.
http://cdn3.image.bored.com/thumbnails/thats-gotta-hurt/asset_28838__zero.gif
DJ Taj brought this downstairs when he heard about Gordie Howe.
http://i0.wp.com/doorfliesopen.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/IMG_0435-1.jpg?resize=300%2C225
He’s got a story too. The man touched a lot of lives.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d5e48e7f83b030ad2cd812b3cdd4f774/tumblr_o695fy6lxg1v4j4rjo1_1280.jpg
Didn’t make my breakfast until 5:30pm.
2/10, would not bang.
That’s great clock awareness! GOOD HUSTLE!
Hey, Balls, any AFL updates for us Comcast subscribers that are denied fox soccer plus?
http://66.media.tumblr.com/a88623e9da22cc361de33da6a375b74a/tumblr_o8ip8a85JC1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
The Hawthorn Hawks beat the crap out of the Essendon Bombers by 108 this morning!
Tonight, in less than an hour, Port Adelaide hosts the Western Bulldogs. That should be a good game. Unfortunately, it’s on Fox Soccer Plus. Find a bar, maybe?
I’ve been making myself cocktails at home. Only place I’m going is from couch to bed (maybe).
And the Brock Turner rape case just keeps getting darker and more disgusting:
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/news/a59745/brock-turner-stanford-rape-texts-photos-breasts-assault/
“Following the release of Santa Clara County Sheriff Office’s full police report on Stanford swimmer Brock Turner’s sexual assault case, new and harrowing details are emerging on Turner’s behavior that night. Specifically, that he may have photographed his victim, Emily Doe, while she was unconscious — and shared images with friends in a group text message conversation.”
If this is true, every single person he sent those images to that didn’t turn him in should be tried as accessory to felony sexual assault and obstruction of justice.
But, think how negatively that would effect their lives!
Has anyone ever met a “Tristan” that wasn’t a douche?
While I’m not sure I’ve ever met a Tristan, I do know that my expectations would be appropriately low if I ever did.
Alien Barbie is named “Tristan.”
http://65.media.tumblr.com/a6acd112955c7e088040e1b923ba6704/tumblr_o8iqgwKQZb1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Anatomically correct, tho.
So my boy “Mitch” from the nearby liquor store asked me if I knew of any streaming sites for Fútbol. I WANT that 10% discount: is it ok to talk aboot that here? Are we #UpForWhatever?
Well, onto the in-person stage next week sometime. I overslept and am so beat for some reason. I need to leave because I haven’t been as active as I used to be, but I don’t want to do anything right now.
You mean you got to that “in-person” level? Cheers, Unsurprised. That’s more than half the battle.
Yeah. I had a phone interview today and the guy seems excited to talk to me. I’m supposed to have a f2f interview next week. Hopefully, I’ll be working by the end of the month.
At the same time, a bunch of positions opened up for my actual career field. So we’ll see how that goes.
Tonight calls for my “make yeahright say damn” sazerac. Doused some sugar cubes with peychaud’s and some cherry bitters, mixed in some templeton over ice, poured into a glass I rinsed with absinthe.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/2ebae289fd0b40c344157492170a58da/tumblr_nfs4p3gszu1rdfgw4o1_400.gif
Damn