NFL News:

• for those who care, here’s what the Broncos Super Bowl rings look like.
  • It’s got 212 diamonds, adding up to 5.05 carats
    • 100 on the face, because why not? Orange sapphires for the Bronco mane
    • 56 on each side, representing the number of years (56) the Broncos have been a franchise
    • Wade Phillips says they spelled his name wrong on his. Seems about right.
      • Somewhere near Boston, Doug Flutie cracks a wry smile.
  • No value was given, but the Ravens allegedly spent $38500/ring for their’s after SB47, so it wouldn’t surprise me if the Broncos went $50K for 50.
    • ♪ Nationwide won’t in-sure that ♪
• The Panthers got their runner-up rings last week
  • made by Jostens, so just like your class ring!
  • 77 diamonds equals 1.35 carats
  • models of the NFC championship trophy and Bank of America stadium are on the sides, plus their 2015 record.
    • the “17-2” seems especially sad knowing there’s 18-1 Patriots rings out there too.
• Ravens injury notes:
  • Breshad Perriman suffered a partially-torn ACL on the last day of OTAs. Given that he’s coming back off injured reserve from a PCL sprain in 2015, that’s not good.
  • Steve Smith has no timeline for his return. He was the Ravens second-leading receiver in 2015.

• 

  Not as hilarious as Trent Richardson talking about the Hall of Fame, but Kirk Cousins is claiming he “hasn’t plateaued” yet as a QB, in what clearly sounds like a man angling for a long-term contract he can make his team immediately regret offering.

  • He’s got Tiki Barber’s seal of approval.
• Profootballtalk is reporting the League’s insurance provider – AIG – will “exclude coverage for head injuries” in all new player policies.
  • It’s an especially bad look because, as the NY Post points out, “the insurer is one of the chief sponsors of USA Football’s 2016 Protection Tour for 7- to 14-year-old players.” That tour starts next month, timed with the start of training camps.
    • “Learn to play safely, kids, ’cause you’re fucked if you make the pros.”

This week’s Acela Excreta is another guest column, albeit one written by a MMQB staffer (Robert Klemko), so expect lots of hard-hitting anal…the same banal musings with fewer mentions of coffeenerdness. Goody. Come with me on this Fantastic Journey; see how far I get:

• “We’ve got a true potpourri of an MMQB column, which I’m writing in relief of the boss, Peter King, who took a deserved vacation during a slow news week in the NFL.”
  • a less-than promising start
• “We realize you don’t come here for world news or politics; for two decades the MMQB column has largely been an escape from that sort of talk. Yet this column has at times been a forum for Peter’s personal thoughts and politics when the occasion called for it.”
  • let that sink in – the dichotomy of “largely been an escape” and “a forum for Peter’s personal thoughts”. THE TWO AREN’T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE!
    • except when it comes to running down QBs named Cam.
• “I’ve never been to Pulse in Orlando, but I’ve been to Nellie’s in D.C., for the sweet potato fries, and I went to Copa in Oklahoma City on June 26, 2015, the night the Supreme Court ruled gay marriage legal nationwide. Just last month I visited the Denver Wrangler, where my all-inclusive rugby team, the Colorado Rush, typically parties with the opposing club on Saturday afternoons after matches.”
  • so, you totes understand teh gayz, then. And, if you are a member of the tribe, it still sounds condescending. ‘I’ve never worked at Sandy Hook Elementary, but I’m a teacher who has worked in elementary schools…’
• “I spoke with Bucs head coach Dirk Koetter on Wednesday, well before the Orlando shooting made talking and writing about football feel trivial, regarding the progress of Jameis Winston and the process of the second-year quarterback taking full ownership of the offense in the months and years to come.”
  • Did you ask him about the Stanford rape case and his own troubles? Seems an equally relevant “full ownership” query for “months and years to come”.
• “Apropos of nothing, I made a few calls this week on a topic that’s always interested me: How do players and coaches feel about Pro Football Focus grades?”
  • I’m assuming they have more interest in their Madden rating.
• “Palazzolo says PFF asked an NFL offensive coordinator to sit down with an analyst and go over grades on a play-by-play basis, and those grades were in “lockstep.” They’ve also worked with ex-NFL quarterback and ESPN analyst Trent Dilfer on grading high schoolers at the Elite 11 camp for the past two years, and those grades also were in lockstep with Dilfer and the coaches’ evaluations. ”
  • Well, there’s the problem. Was Ron Jaworski not available?
• “All these coordinators and quarterbacks get their panties in a wad over the grades—and I would be one of these sensitive guys too if I were playing—because we understand the vastness of the job.”
  • Because when I think “Trent Dilfer” I think ‘he understood vastness‘.
• “I did go on a tremendous work-related vacation to a lake house in Pound Ridge, N.Y., along with the rest of the ever-expanding MMQB staff, for our annual off-season retreat.”
  • DEAR GOD! I mean, do tell…
• “We welcomed new hires Albert Breer and Tim Rohan into the fold, expanding our editorial staff by about 15%, give or take.”
  • GAH!
• “Breer won an intense game of survivor flip cup. (In case you’re not familiar, it’s an every-man-for-himself game in which the last person to drink a few ounces of beer and flip his/her cup in each round is knocked out of the game).”
  • Thank God it was “every-man”. If the ladies were smart, they would’ve stayed far, far away.
• “After many tries, Peter successfully stood up on a paddle board, but refused do so beyond the safety of shallow water near the lake’s edge. Sad!”
  • Actually, it’s safer, given how full of nuggets he usually is. Plus, since he can’t wear a life-jacket, he can inflate his neck pouch in an emergency.

And…I’m done. Didn’t even make the “Ten Things…” No matter – set’em up, Richie!

Before I forget, congrats to the Penguins and all DFO Yinzers.

In case you missed it, here’s the closing montage to the Canadian coverage. As Deadspin said, it’s pretty good, but a step down from the days of the CBC version. It feels a bit-more corporate than honest recap.

https://youtu.be/KwQ04ICfEH0

I see their point. Sorry for your team’s loss, Covalent. At least you still have the Warriors. Speaking of that…

Game 4’s highlight:

I especially like the fact that Draymond Green is not just suspended for Game 5, but actually banned from the building until the last whistle. Like, I picture he’s outside in the parking lot, tailgating with fans, participating in a “watch party”, eating hot dogs & waiting for the game to end.

The actual, less-boring story is that he will be at the A’s game next door, watching Game 5 in a suite at the O.co, which is connected to Oracle by a tunnel. He would be expected to alight for the arena near the end of the game.

Still, I don’t think it means the Cavs have much of a chance. They got worked in Game 4, and all of that “high road” talk doesn’t put points on the board. Steph may have 20 by the end of the first quarter. If this gets back to Cleveland, I’d be shocked.

Tonight’s sports action:

NBA: Cavs @ Warriors – Game 5; 9:00

Copa:

• Mexico vs Venezuela – 8:00 – NRG Stadium, Houston
• Uruguay vs Jamaica – 10:00 – Levi’s Stadium, Santa Clara

Alternative Programming:

• NBC: American Ninja Warrior – 8:00
  • featured contestant: Zach Gowen, a one-legged wrestler, best remembered for getting wrecked by Brock Lesnar in 2003 during Brock’s first WWE run
• AMC: Dirty Harry – 7:45
• ESPN Classic: Borg-McEnroe matches at Wimbledon
  • 1980 – 7:30
  • 1981 – 9:30
  • again listed in case flights to London for tennis are being planned.
• USA: Monday Night RAW – 8:00
  • not as crooked as the Brazil-Peru game from last night.
  • The “go-home” show before the “Money In The Bank” PPV this Sunday.

Expect Canadian winter to be a bit more bleak this Fall – “Broomgate” has rocked curling. IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?!