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Talk amongst yourselves about whatever, but all I can say (yes I am fine wth $70M guaranteed, did you fucking watch Superb Owl L or not??) is…
THAT’S GOOD BRONCOS!!!!
Better Late Than NEVAR – It’s a VON MILLER Saturday!!! Open Thread
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BREAKING NEWS: MLB tells teams to quit bitching when umpires make bullshit calls.
Welp, we know which henchwoman is going to have a tired, sore jaw in a few hours……
http://66.media.tumblr.com/91173e55568c98d624d5d0066e08c93e/tumblr_oa4scmOgdf1r4ro7yo1_1280.png
There has been a book called “things you wanted to ask a doctor but were to sober to ask” or similar. The internet is silent on why nipples have so much melanin, and if they should be exposed to sunlight, what is the sun creme regime?
Going to say:
1. Because babies can’t see anything but shapes and colors
f} No
3. None, see f}
Fine use of bullet points.
Just experience from a couple of former GFs that used to bring the puppies out; apply lots of SPF 50 to the little soldiers and reapply.
Given experience with low cut shirts, this seems like fine advice. You would think there wouldn’t be too much direct sun, what with my head in the way and all, but nope, still unexpected tan lines.
how does one EVAR know if there’s a possible melanoma on one’s nipple until it’s too late?
Two Doktors here, I expect a PROMPT fucking answer
http://rlv.zcache.ca/not_that_kind_of_doctor_t_shirts-r4fcaa77fbb0745909b02dee77570367b_jfsdy_324.jpg
though I suspect she’s not any kind of doctor.
JUST MAKE SOMETHING UP
/carry a clipboard, look important, nobody will question you
//especially this is teh interwebs
LOT’S manual exams.
Whenever I drank, I always get to the point when I queue up the beautiful, stage-frightened Hope Sandoval’s very best work. This is that point of Saturday night FOAR HIPPO:
/skip to the 1:00 mark
My offer from last night to buy a beer for any DFOer that shows up at Mountain Sun stands for another night.
How to Fix Amazing Spider-Man 2:
Harry: “I need your super blood.”
Spider-Man (lying): “I don’t have super blood. I’m just a regular human who is very strong, have a special suit, have special force training and good at parkour.”
Harry: “Oh, okay. I have no reason to have a personal vendetta if I find out who you really are.”
Is this Dok and Pats fan??
I love my coworkers. I made a zeitgeist joke the other day, and it was totally received. I still need an audience for my math/fruit jokes though, but that’s probably a lost cause unless I go back into academia.
What’s yellow and equivalent to the axiom of choice?
Sandeep Acharya’s penis?
Zeaxanthin?
It’s Zorn’s Lemon, and if you find that hilarious, we should party.
I am familiar with the works of Maximilian Zorn. He was no Joe Gibbs though.
False.
1 apple plus 1 apples doesn’t equal 1 apple times 1 apple.
Also
1 apple times 1 apple minus 1 apple doesn’t equal 1 apple.
If you get this joke, you also have no life.
Which number set are you using? Cause not everything has an abelian grape, just saying.
I’m using the rule that
If a × b = ab and ab = a × b, then appleapple = apple × apple
god I suck at math
/has art degree
//and low job prospects
Thinking about taking a trip to either Vegas or LA this summer, any harrowing opinions? Though, considering my apathy/disdain for gambling/sunshine, maybe I should just buy a bottle of something nice and go wild and crank the AC to 69.
If you’re just gonna stay in the room the whole time, then whatever is cheapest and has the nicest room. If you’re gonna leave the room, what you lookin for? Both places have fun stuff.
It appears that you have missed one of the many West Coast DFO meetups by not having gone this weekend.
Fear not.
I am floating here the idea of a Northeast Corridor DFO meetup. Somewhere on the Northeast Corridor. For the first time. Again.
http://chronicclimberchick.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/crickets.jpg
If I recall correctly you are NJ, NY suburbs? That is pretty central, especially if everyone takes the Acela….
The Acela is one of the best things about living here.
PK has poisoned that well to the point that Union Carbide Bhopal is like “Hey, you might want to back off on that a little,” but the Acela is just so very, very good.
Moar trainz pleez…
Acela is good, but it could be so much better. Amtrack will never be able to upgrade to fully fast speed trains because they can’t get the right of way now. I loved taking the train DC/NYC, but while I love trains, the time/cash/experience tradeoff just isnt’ worth it Chicago to DC. And there won’t be high speed rail anytime soon across the US. But, if you figure out an East Coast meetup, I’ll do my damndest to make it. I still don’t identify midwest.
In conclusion, DFO meetup in DC?
Yeah, I’m speaking as a person who rides NJ Transit, LIRR, and SEPTA on a regular basis.
The Acela’s like the Tōkaidō Shinkansen in comparison.
I like riding teh train, and I live on the I-95 corridor. Problem is, I do not like leaving the house and I just went to the Louis CK show last night (Fathers’ Day present) so I is set for 2016. Maybe next year??
PRETTY MUCH
Red Rock. Outside the strip, nice nice amenities, and close to really great hiking.
This was a fine day here. I also bought a very fine tiny table, with copper legs. I love tiny tables, super useful.
Gotta be extra careful about checking for one leg on the ground when you play at this table
http://img06.deviantart.net/3d81/i/2012/246/2/6/tiny_snooker_table_by_momsawesomecreations-d5den8j.jpg
Waino going FOAR the complete game shutout. I am sure that makes all of your privates tingle just as much as mines.
Mine are tingling as much as your but for different reasons. I really gotta see a doctor for that.
You need a copy of Charles Schulz’ “It Burns When I Pee, Charlie Brown?”
WHEEEEEEEE, high ABV beer
Re Dok’s bouncer. Not being a woman, I can’t speak from experience. But it seems like that would be the kind of profession that might actually auger in favor of being a good lover. And since Dok likes rugby types…seems promising to me.
BUT…do you lose the bar if he turns all creepy and weird, or if it just doesn’t work out (like most relationships)? What’s the risk/reward? Is he cool enough that you can address that concern beforehand??
I mean THINK ABOUT IT. If your clots can’t stick to anything…how can you have a stroke? PURE GENIUS.
The clots can’t stick to anything if there’s no inflammation on the arteriolar walls regardless of how much fat is in the bloodstHNGH
/garroted by unknown assailant
My good cholesterol is super high, and I attribute it all to my popcorn with loads of butter habit
I do have a policy of not dating anyone from my corner bar, because you don’t piss where you eat. As far as the particular bouncer in question, I’ve already lost the card. Bouncers are generally pretty good people, with some interesting ink, but you do have to be a bit aware of past and present re: gang ties, moreso in Chicago. DC was better about that….I have a fun story about a tequila tasting….
c’mon, you can’t post a drunk “no repercussions” disclaimer, then drop a teaser then not finish said story. SPILL, DOK.
If you insist. This was, perhaps 10+ years ago? There was a tequila and kamikaze tasting. There were bonus shots for trivia. I’m good at trivia. I met some lovely Swedish people, and we all ended up at my favorite bar at the time. I had a vodka soda (still drink that now, sometimes) and I remember putting it down and talking to the bouncer…and I remember the bar closing and talking to people while sweeping occured, and I remember the taxi, which had minimum of fooling around, nothing too indecent, and I remember (redacted), and I remember missing my train and spending the night over there, and I remember having to wake up early to go teach horseback, and I remember seeing him again the next night and feeling awkward, mostly on my part, and I remember that the bartender who was working that night gave me an open tab for the next two years. So. Good, I guess? I left a really cute hat there too, if that matters.
I get attached to my hats too. OF COURSE it matters.
It was a good hat. Probably not warm enough for Chicago, but a gooooood hat. I could have worn it in autumn.
I got super attached to my hats.
Then my head grew 5 sizes while losing all its hair when I was in my early 20s.
Then all the hats I had looked like little freshman beanies on my giant cantaloupe head.
The attachment waned considerably.
You just gotta get new hats. I still have the same head size from high school. And I still have the same hat that a security guard said she really wanted if they ever confiscated it 😀
Hats no longer become a person of my appearance.
I do not have a Barry Bonds sized head, but close. I find the “velcro strap in teh back” in MUCH better than trying to go fitted.
Still have no idea what happened to my favourite navy Cardinals hat. Irreplaceable and I has the sadz thinking of it.
Probably one of the chilluns.
Bouncer is a hard sell. Schedule means there are not many date nights, and although it might be different at the corner bar, there is a species of bar skank that finds the pseudo-authority (even if you’re not muscle-bulgy, like I wasn’t) an irresistable attractant
The one good thing about Ghostbusters II is when they brought the Statue of Liberty to life. And its a good thing it happened in the ’80s, because if she came to life today, she would take a look around and start swimming back to France.
Or fall over due to structural deficiency.
Dancing toaster.
Okay:
1. Walking Liberty
2. Dancing Toaster
3. Sigourney Weaver in a bra
Anything else?
Oscar was cute, Peter McNicol was really good, and it had a tangential story about Emeritus Patron Saint Joe Namath
To me “Ghostbusters 2” is the definitive proof of the fact that lightning in a bottle cannot be recaptured.
All the elements were there, and there were definitely way more laughs to be had than in any modern comedy, but it fell so far from the original that it was just another movie as opposed to the epic game-changer that created it.
Am I the only one in the world that liked Amazing Spider-Man 1 and 2? I don’t know why they stopped the franchise.
You might have been one of the few who went?
Is that the one with Tobey Parker?
No. Andrew Garfield as Spidey. Emma Stone as Gwen Stacy.
Who did Tobey Parker play in the 2002 film?
You were certainly the only one to like #2
Maybe, but it did pick the wrong ending.
I was at a good bar in a horrible place the other day, I had a lovely conversation with the bouncer that I haven’t followed up on (but I do still have the business card that says Ronnie, Security) and despite the douchebros around me, I realized I was having more fun that I usually do on a date. I kinda really hate dating. But I’ve lost my point, this bar had something on the TV that included a bit with a shitton of Von Miller highlights, and dude is a badass. They gave a sacks/game stat, and he’s like third career-wise, and probably first if you account for rule adjustments. I told Pats fan and to be fair, he hasn’t watched much football in the past few years cause job, but he was like, “who is Von Miller?” and then I told him about the chickens and the nerd glasses and the Super Bowl and he said that was excellent and so were my tits and I agreed.
You’re awfully good at this, Trev.
Makes me think you might be an actual woman in Chicago instead of a 16-year-old troll of desperate older men on an obscure football/dick joke blog in Des Moines.
Son of Fek?
WHO IS VON MILLER???
My mom kinda sorta watched the Superb Owl, and that was probably the only game she saw all year, and even she fucking knows who Von Miller is. Kick him in the family jewels.
Eh, he’s restaurant industry, so if he watched the super bowl, it was DVR. Not an excuse, but yeah, I was pretty goddamn surprised he didn’t know that shit. But…yeah, not going with the kick, I kinda like those bits.
you need BETTER bits not connected to a jackass. I’m feelin’ the bouncer for ya, see above.
In making a previous comment I became aware of a distinct lack of respect paid on this site to one of the greatest geniuses in cinematic history.
I am speaking, of course, about “Savage” Steve Holland.
If it were just “Better Off Dead” and nothing else we should worship him as a god.
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-30755-look-I-cant-move-my-right-arm-9tyQ.gif
And…well…that’s kind of it actually.
I thought “How I Got Into College” was hilarious because I was going through the process when it came out, and he gave us The Whammy! (seriously)
http://media.urbandictionary.com/image/page/whammy-11452.jpg
So Q-Tip one back for “Savage” Steve Holland tonight and make sure to DVR “Better Off Dead” the next time it’s on.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maf2wjHZ0t1qgb22po1_500.gif
Better Off Dead is goddamend GENIUS and it’s criminal to be so underrated as an 80s classic. When my dad and I first discovered it long ago on HBO late one night (he must have had one hell of a Braves game nap), we laughed so loudly we woke my mom up.
Then it became maybe her favorite comedy the next day. VHS family classics WOO!!!
I have been drinking. Disclaimer for all behavior in the next 3 or so hours.
See ya on the other side!
http://www.amusingtime.com/images/015/funny-sign-i-did-what-with-my-sister.jpg
wow, you really ARE from the “near Kentucky” part of Ohio!!
/am also drinkin
so tell us all about your adventures with the younger lad. Is he special enough to meet us to gain DFO’s seal of approval?
FWIW, I always thought men in their 20s and women in their 30s are a good match, in terms of “nexus to respective sexual peaks.” So FUCK THAT COUGAR NOISE.
Eh, he’s a nice enough guy, but I’m not really into it. It just feels like he’s trying to hard, and he’s not super open minded about anything outside of what he’s decided his identity should be. I’ll admit to being pretty shallow about some things, but I should be able to talk to a dude for 20 minutes without being cuttingly sarcastic if I’m gonna fool around with him.
Fair enough. I remember being that age…and I sure as fuck ALWAYS tried too fucking hard. If he was more sure of himself, he could have maybe been a good fit, I was hopin’ for ya. Maybe the bouncer? You like rugby dudes, so that seems promising to me. Back upstream!!
Cheers, I love the backup 🙂
“Reporting live from Cleveland…”
Roger Goodell is a national disgrace, but at least he’s not Mark Wahlberg.
See, when you blow your hand off with fireworks I feel like the teaching moment is lost in the result of the act.
Sure you learn your lesson not to mess around with fireworks, and chances are pretty good that you’ll take any necessary future precautions to avoid blowing off your other hand.
But it seems to me that the point of diminishing returns is reached and breached about the same time you strike the match.
For me its when you put a mortar in upside down. Seeing mortar explode in ground level ten feet from your entire family and all the other fireworks and mortars is a great learning experience.
The lesson is: Stupid people shouldn’t breed.
…or vote…
or wear helmets when they ride motorcycles cranked up on meth…
I just meant the particular instance of the individual and their other hand, but these are all good points of a more broadly societal nature that I hadn’t previously considered.
we just freestyle riffin, like DFO Def Poetry Jam…but much much whiter
So how was “Ghostbusters ♀”? Is it worth seeing?
I will happily return the favor next week with “Star Trek III: Beyond Originality”.
I actually saw it last night at the local drive-in. It was, surprisingly enough, not terrible, actually. Kate McKinnon is gonna be a big star as a result of this one, I can already tell. Bill Murray & Dan Aykroyrd cameos were also a nice tip of the cap.
Well, it’s good to see season 2 of Broadchurch was just as soul destroying as season 1. Time to dig into Outcast!
My wife texts a coworker today. Unbeknownst to her said coworker changed his number to a local one. She gets the obligatory “Who this?” It’s quickly determined what has transpired, but douche gets anonymous-brave and turns rude. Wife, knowing the area code of the old number is Boston ends it with “Brady will spend four weeks sucking Giselle’s strap-on while Goodell watches. NO ONE DENIES THIS!” End scene.
*sniff* I’m…so proud.
(21 years 9 months from now)
“…and that my child was the day you were conceived.”
I would be proud of that story.
NBA summer league is on the tv in front of me at this bar. My kingdom for an NFL preseason game.
Ok, finally left the office. Seems like the right time to try the new double IPA next door on my way back to the Airbnb.
Indeed, the only way to go. At least I’m getting a REALLY GOOD thunderstorm tonight.
Don’t have enough cash lying around foar one of those, but appreciate the thought!
All this other controversy and THE II never gets mentioned.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/849ce98ff8b62bd2d48d2508f1961103/tumblr_oa7yljgAgy1thr7ppo2_1280.jpg
Making it appeal to kids was a fool’s errand.
And devoid of self awareness when the movie opens with them at an underwhelmed children’s birthday party.
It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t needed, but it wasn’t bad.
Ghostbusters II was like Steve Young, they were both good but they will always be overshadowed by the excellence that preceded them.
It was brought up before, but there are some damn funny dick joke comments on the twitterbook.
Early photographic selfie technology.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c70cbe30e50df7c76d2fa9c20e2d9706/tumblr_nktarcEPbp1rb5obvo1_1280.jpg
Here’s the cheering parade for AC and the Juice!! The craziest non-Darden part of this whole shebang…
I am also fine with this; it is the market now. In a team game, he was as much responsible for beating THE BEN, Brady, and Cam as anyone….. especially Brady. One of the best LB playoff performances since LT. Good for him.
I love the smell of Christiefreude at teatime…smells like boiled kale…
http://www.nj.com/opinion/index.ssf/2016/07/chris_christies_worst_day_ever_moran.html
If Lindsay Vonn had dropped an actual hammer on her foot like she does in that Reeses ad she’d have broken about 15 bones.
The hammer weighs 16 lbs.
Check her for HGH!
At the Olympic level hammer throwers are pretty tight:
If you say you wouldn’t you’re more full of shit than the Augean Stables:
http://pendleac.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/Hitchon.jpg
Best teeth in the UK
How we doing, boys?
I’ve been going through some DFO withdrawal (fucking work).
What’s new?
Anyone watching the Freemantly/Geelong game? it’s 31-21 Freemantle in a game that is only good if you have it on in the background and you occasionally look up to check out the play.
It’s been quiet around here. We may need to consider increasing the marketing budget.
I don’t know about you, but I am certainly #upforanything
It was a horrible game. We were lucky we won.
Here we see how the intelligent GM waits until after the 4th Of July to sign their big money pass rusher.
So majestic.
Elway would have signed him sooner, but he sends all his missives via Pony Express after the Dumervil debacle.
They had multiple offers on the table for months and had agreed to the total contract values and length quite some time ago; Miller’s agent and the NFLPA wanted him to wait and see what the guaranteed money would be for other signings would be. The signing resulted in about twice the original guarantee offer.
That was a Jason Pierre-Paul joke…you know, Hand Go Boom?
I Got it, I was just being “informative” or pedantic.
and add to that a reply fail.
Happens to me all the time…
Why didn’t anyone tell me Von Miller is the third Lucas Brother?
Because Von Miller’s the FIRST Lucas Brother.
Don’t start shit you can’t finish. http://i.imgur.com/9hWvBPp.mp4
Man, starting shits I can’t finish has been my whole goddamned Saturday.
PRO TIP: Eating ribs after 40 is something you will always pay for later.
Good point.
Let me rephrase: Don’t start a fight if you aren’t prepared to get your ass kicked.
Wheeeeee! http://imgur.com/r3Zx7Km
imgur sucks.
ESPN is re-running the 30 FOAR 30 OJ magnum opus right now, fyi
I lived through it.
That was all I needed.
Morning
Good morning. How about some music?
How excited is Balls that I’m watching a tape delayed Collingwood game with an Aussie colleague right now?
NO SPOILERS!
WOOOOOOOO!!!
My analysis: Adelaide is really FUCKING good
It’s about time defensive players got guaranteed money like QBs. I’m very very happy for Miller.
Also, everyone please enjoy today’s SoCal get-together without me. I’m sorry I cannot attend, but I gave RTD a little something to bring down for you all to enjoy. Hope you like it. Have a blast!
helps when you are paying The Sanchise like…The Sanchize. SHIT GETS BALANCED
What SoCal get-together?
Doing a BBQ at my place in San Diego. People are arrivimg any time.
It won’t be the same without you Balls, but we’ll drink your share.
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