Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Party Rio style. Gaucho Flank Steak and the Caipirinha!

laserguru

laserguru

yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. But he doesn’t plate.
laserguru

Greetings from Rio!

photo courtesy of BBC
photo courtesy of BBC

Home of the 2016 Olympic Games!

Nah I’m just fucking with you, I’m watching from home like any sane person would. I will admit it’s been a very US friendly games this time around and I’m certain that every single one of our chosen Olympians is performing strait up without the aid of any performance enhancing  substances.

/bullshit.

If you’ve been watching the games on the US NBC feeds let me make this a little more like the broadcasts.

big ol truck

“Now I may have me a little dick but I shore got a big swingin’ dick truck! We’ve had trucks in the family since my Grandaddy…And we’ve always bought our trucks from Overcompensate Motors…”

/30 seconds later

gossiping-women-retro-clip-art-56686579

“Why June, your vagina looks simply fabulous! Whatever did you do?”

“I dyed it using Ladies Only Just for Pubes! Isn’t it amazing!”

/30 seconds later.

Stop_hand_nuvola.svg

GODDAMMIT NBC STOP WITH ALL OF THE FUCKING COMMERCIALS! YOU’RE KILLING THESE GAMES YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES!!!

STOP!!!

Christ.

Anyway, today’s menu was clearly inspired by the Olympic games and we’re going to get all festive up in this bitch – Brazilian style.

We’ve all been in a Brazilian state of mind around these parts both due to the Olympics and after reading our own Balls Of Steel’s incredible write up on a visit to Rio. After all of the scare tactics and doom and gloom forecasts prior to the games I am happy to report that so far, knock on wood, the games have gone off surprisingly well. Rio has turned from a Zika ridden 3rd world death trap to a city that has the entire world ready for a visit. Shit yeah, I want to visit too.

I felt that the least I could do to keep the Rio love going is to prepare a meal with a Brazilian theme. Today we are going to be making Brazilian style “gaucho” flank steak and we will be sipping on some caipirinhas, the national drink of Brazil. What constitutes a “gaucho style” steak to be considered Brazilian? Because I said so dammit!

First let’s talk about the caipirinha.

cachaca money shot

In the Rio post that Mr Balls wrote, he mentioned an Anthony Bourdain episode where he visited Brazil and consumed his body weight in this strange, exotic and oddly enticing beverage. Everyone in this episode was sipping on this drink and that sure as shit made me thirsty for one. The drink is similar in ways to a mojito in that it involves strait alcohol, some ice, lime, sugar and some muddling of the ingredients. The main difference is the mojito uses rum while the caipirinha uses cachaca. What is cachaca you ask and what’s the difference between it and rum? Well allow me to retort.

According to the wikis: “The major difference between cachaça and rum is that rum is usually made from molasses, a by-product from refineries that boil the cane juice to extract as much sugar crystal as possible, while cachaça is made from fresh sugarcane juice that is fermented and distilled.”

Boom! Knowledge!

From what I’ve seen so far most of the cachaca imported to the US is white as opposed to rum and it’s dark variant. I may be wrong on this since I’ve only been fucking with cachaca for about  year or so but after buying three different brands/bottles all of them have been white or clear.

You’re probably not going to find cachaca (pronounced ca-sha-sa) at your average liquor store but if you are lucky enough to live near a large scale liquor outlet, you should be able to find it. It’s probably stored next to the rum. We have a couple of liquor outlets here in L.A. Bevmo and Total Wines, that both have incredible selections of alcohol. I can never go in one without feeling like Nick Cage in “Leaving Las Vegas.”

leaving las vegas_s

Anyway, acquire some cachaca and let’s make one of these things.

Caipirinha!

2 1/2 oz of cachaca – yep

2 teaspoons of sugar

1/4 of a lime cut into wedges

Bunch of ice.

Cut your limes into 1/8ths like this.

That's my wooden muddler on the left and my 2 dollars worth of "stripper" money
That’s my wooden muddler on the left and my 2 dollars worth of “stripper” money

Put a wedge of lime in a glass along with the sugar, then muddle together.

muddled limes

Next we’re going to add in the cachaca, yes that really is 2 1/2 shots worth of strait alcohol we’re putting in this motherfucker, these things are boozy as fuck!

Finally fill the rest of the glass with some ice.

Here’s the trick to surviving a few of these drinks; let the ice melt down some and constantly keep the glass filled with ice. Seriously keep the glass choked with ice or your day is going to be significantly shortened. They are clean, boozy and tasty with that citrus hint and the sugar. Delightful.

Despite our best intentions man shouldn’t live on alcohol alone. I know! I’ve tried.

Let’s make something else that is near and dear to the hearts of Brazilians, a shitload of charcoal grilled meat!

Fuck yes!

Quick note before we get started, this is my very own recipe. There are a few sort of like it BUT THIS ONE IS MINE! I call it Charlene! No I don’t really.

Grilled Marinated Brazilian Style Flank Steak!

Since it’s a marinade, of course we are going to let it chill in the refrigerator but this time NOT overnight. We only need to marinate for 4-5 hours. Only 4-5 hours he says. You know how this motherfucker rolls!

1 flank steak between 2 1/2 to 4 pounds.

For the marinade:

2 cups of red wine, a malbec would be a very fitting wine but I used some real French burgundy that I had on hand.

5-6 cloves of crushed garlic

1 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon pepper

1 teaspoon of red pepper flake

1 teaspoon of crushed dried thyme

2 bay leaves

1/3 cup of olive oil, vegetable oil would be fine too.

Rinse that meat and pat it down dry. Add to a one gallon freezer bag along with the rest of the marinade ingredients, try to squeeze out as much of the air in the bag as possible so that the meat is being continually touched by the marinade. Refrigerate for 4-5 hours.

marinating meats

I brined a couple of chicken breasts along with the flank steak because my plan was to cook this hunk of flesh to a perfect medium rare and not a bit more. There were a couple of folks in attendance who can’t handle medium rare so I gave them the chicken option. They ended up choosing both.

Let’s make a quick chimichurri to garnish the meat.

Chimichurri:

5-6 cloves garlic minced

2 jalapenos minced

1/4 cup of red wine vinegar

1 bunch of parsley chopped fine

Handful of fresh oregano chopped fine

Juice of 2 limes

1/2 cup of olive oil

Salt and pepper to taste

Add everything but the oil to a bowl and mix together. Slowly add in the oil while whisking and there you go. Cover with plastic wrap at room temperature until the steak is cooked.

h/t to Tyler Florence for this one.

chimichurri

Start up your charcoal grill, for this dish the charcoal and it’s smokey finish are critical. Take the steak out of the refrigerator and let it come up to room temperature, about 1/2 hour. This step is pretty critical too. Add a lot of salt and pepper to the meat. A lot, you want to see the salt and pepper on the meat before you grill.

When the coals are smoking hot, place the meat over the hottest part of the fire.

grilling pre-turn

Look at that sexy fucking thing! See the deep rich red that the wine imparted to it? God. Damn!

We’re going to cook for just 4 minutes per side. Cook the first side and then flip with some tongs.

grilling after flip

You want a bit of char on the outside for some added flavor. Four more minutes then remove the meat from the fire and let rest on a plate large enough to hold it for about 5 minutes before slicing.

Now. We need to talk about this cut of meat. Flank steak is very lean and when prepared properly is very delicious. Prepared improperly? Not so much. One of the things you MUST do is understand the grain of this meat and be sure to slice against the grain. You can enlarge either of the above 2 photos and get a good idea of the grain. It runs the entire length of the slab of meat so when we slice it we are going to have really long, thin slices. Here’s a good photo of the grain of the meat and the proper slicing technique.

slice against the grain

You miss-cut on this step and you won’t have a tender juicy slice of meat. You will have a big mouthful of chewed up cow cud that’s almost impossible to chew. Do this part properly and you will be rewarded.

For a full meal, I made some basic baked potatoes and a spinach salad and considering the leanness of the meat and the cut of the meat, I must say, this was a pretty goddamn healthy meal coming from me.

Let’s look at that steak with the chimichurri and the bottle of cachaca again.

gaucho steak money shot

I don’t know about you but I’m getting a pretty sizable food boner. The meal is rich with flavor and jazzed up with the chimichurri, the meat is just so goddamn meaty and delicious and I’m going to be honest, I drank some delicious frosty beers with this and did the caipirinhas later. Incredible stuff.

“Now if you are having trouble achieving the proper food boner, we can help that too. For the low low price of…”

cialis-210x210

Everyone: “Shut the fuck up!!”

 

Now it’s off to watch the rest of the Olympics and dream of Rio!

“U-S-A, U-S-A!!”

Brazilian crowd: “BOOOOO!!!!!”

Thanks for reading folks.

Peace!

laserguru
laserguru
yeah right is a lifelong Vikings fan. He is into self denial and still harbors hope. Loves to cook, read and drink. But he doesn't plate.
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Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Veal Saltimbocca – Jump in my belly! – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]JerBear50Spanky Datasslasergurublaxabbath Recent comment authors
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Sunday Gravy with yeah right: Veal Saltimbocca – Jump in my belly! – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]

[…] In reaching for a theme for today’s menu I first considered an Olympic based theme similar to what I did for the Rio Olympics a couple of years ago. Remember this one? […]

blaxabbath

I utilize a recipe that uses both simple syrup and some sugar. No big deal but it’s gotten me drunk every night of the Olympics so far.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This is the greatest flanking maneuver since battle of Salamis.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/0d9d4e1ef15647f79803131fa014b2fe/tumblr_oaqy8vNOTG1qav174o1_540.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I think I’ll just grill a regular steak tonight, but this post made me crave it. I’ll make it rare.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/da0ddf0915735066072758418797c364/tumblr_oa4cxtJXX71s1v3r1o3_400.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

I have to stop by the abattoir to fill out a cut-card for the steer I dropped off last week. Flank steaks will be a priority . YUM!
Also I’ve added cachaca to the list I keep on my phone labeled “BOOZE”.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Oh, this is the open thread for now? Well, okay. I started a new page on last night’s open thread with the last comment and that’s fitting. So go read it to learn more about this magnificent creature called Unsurprised.

King Hippo

That looks damned good, and I always wondered what magic was in the chimichurri at my fave local Brazilian/Argentinian place.

Horatio Cornblower

Anyone watching Arsenal-Liverpool? 4-2 t the 70 minute mark and bodies dropping like flies.

Arsenal fans leaving en masse, as it was 4-1 earlier.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus Christ it’s 4-3.

King Hippo

yay, my turning it off at 4-1 worked I hope??

scotchnaut

I can get into any Olympic sport with th exception of syncronized swimming.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Its so fucking creepy to me. Like a weird David Lynch film.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

The US Women have China shooting 26% right now. 46-19…

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

http://www.teamusa.org/~/media/USA_Wrestling/2015/Greco-Action/AndyBisekPAG300x250.png?la=en

The stach is wrestling on the USA network. Bisek is up 1-0 on the Cuban…

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Sweet Jesus the US women’s basketball team is fucking destroying China. Its 26-7…correction 29-7 with a minute left to play in the 1st quarter.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Apparently Lochte got invited to a party…
comment image?quality=90&w=650&h=382

And then robbed at gun point…RIO!

Kungjitsu
Kungjitsu

A) I will be making this Tuesday.

2. Chimichurri is manna from the Bible. It’s true, I asked a Rabbi.

D — There’s an article in the NY Times about people with universal life insurance policies getting fucked over with premium hikes because interest rates are historically low. I was a financial planner for more than a decade, and I think my expertise can help: DON’T BUY PERMANENT LIFE INSURANCE (whole, universal, variable universal)!! There’s more than a 99% chance you don’t need it.

There are two basic types of life insurance: Term, where you pay a fixed premium for a fixed amount of time. If you die, your beneficiary gets a fat check. When the term expires so does the policy. If you have kids, a mortgage, and/or any concern at all for your significant other, this is the product for you.

The other type of life insurance is permanent which never expires. I’m not an ad wizard but I think that’s why they call it permanent. With this type of policy you pay a premium above the cost of the insurance itself. The insurance itself works like term, while the extra is put into a separate “cash” account that earns interest or can be invested in “mutual funds” in the case of variable universal life insurance. On paper, your out of pocket expenses never change, because as the cost of the insurance increases as you get older, that cost is offset by the earnings in the separate account. It kind of works like an upside down mortgage. And if you play your cards right, you can “borrow” against the cash value to supplement your retirement income when you’re old. You also never have to go through underwriting again once the policy is issued.

The downside is that you’re subject to market risk, whether that’s the stock market or the interest market. This is what’s happening to people all around the world. When these people bought the policies, especially in the 1980’s, interest rates were higher than they had ever been. No one could have foreseen interest rates ever dropping below 10%, let alone getting all the way down to zero. So it’s not even that life insurance agents were being shady; it’s that the inconceivable is just that. Go back to 1985 and tell someone that the Patriots would become a dynasty. That’s the level this shit is at.

Permanent insurance has its place: estate tax mitigation. But that place is shrinking. I’m too lazy to look it up, but I’m pretty sure the estate tax exemption is above $5.5 million right now. So, if you have a $10 million estate (you don’t) your estate tax would be more than $2 million, and a universal life policy would really help your heirs no matter when you die. On the other hand, these freeloading bitches can’t get by on 7 bones and change? Fuck them

TL/DR: Universal Life Insurance is for the ultra-rich. You don’t need it.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I let my term insurance lapse in June, but I’d like to get it back just in case (and I forgot the term at the moment, but I think it was 20-30 years).

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

/checks calendar
//happy it’s really Sunday this time

Outstanding as always, good Sir.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

God bless you, yeah right. This is fantastic.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

For your caipirinhas, I recommend smallish ice cubes. They melt faster, which cuts the liquor and makes you drink more.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“It’s god damn science!”

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Greek coin from Eretria, c. 500-465 BC with octopus. Image: media-cache

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Covalent Blonde

I want to make this steak but I am too consumed with trying to find some Just for Pubes

ballsofsteelandfury

Well, we are taking about Brazilians…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh