Apologies for the brevity and the lack of scotchy-level humour and insight…
Rams at Bucs (4:05, Fox)
Rapey Jameis and palz host the team that cannot offense. RedZone will surely show at least 5 plays from this thriller.
49ers at Seahawks (4:05, Fox)
So far, the SeaTruthers have looked awful shitty. That hypothesis will be put to the test in this one. First team to 10 wins. You can see why Fox is happy not to have double header coverage this fuckin’ week. Jeebus.
Jets at Chiefs (4:25, CBS)
One always wonders how the Jets will manage to Jets this one up, especially given the Chefs penchant for pulling undeserved wins out of their collective butthole. As far as I can tell, every Gang Green WR is injured, presumably with consumption.
Chargers at Colts (4:25, CBS)
BOLTMAN! is no doubt well-pleased with the early season competence, and viewers will no doubt be entertained by this defense-free matchup. Barn-raiser extraordinaire Andy Luck has to be feeling older than King Laserface of late, playing behind his tissue paper OL.
Steelers at Eagles (4:25, CBS)
Here’s the broadcast game pretty much everybody gon’ get. Which will mostly be DeAngelo and Antonio Brown carving the Iggle D a new asshole or seven, while Jeeeem and Pheeeel splooge all over each other about Carson Wentz’ poise. You’ll be very thankful for RedZone Channel, like you should always be.
So….if I get an interview about a NFL analytics job, I should probably talking about going deep to a tight end, right?
Only with bad canned smooth jazz playing in the background.
And just copying whatever the Patriots are doing that week
This comment is also an excellent innuendo.
Nope, you should pretend like you’re the female Sex Cannon.
Throw in a few references to Double Y Spider Banana just to be safe.
Why would anyone watch the full broadcast version of a game they missed? Are they afraid of missing out on a new pizza gimmick?
I’m still disappointed that security allowed T’eo’s vengeful ex to storm the field and take him out.
http://media.giphy.com/media/5xtDarmsTadSg8s2QHm/giphy.gif
I’m not defending what she did, but it was pretty cruel of him to ignore her as if she didn’t exist.
Benwa
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/figure-skating-pile-driver-winter-sports-fails.gif
http://i.makeagif.com/media/4-11-2015/1gTlRH.gif
Balls
Well, I guess one way to handle the Steelers’ D is to knock them out of the game.
Holy Shit Matthews held on to the ball!!!
Pizza Hut really wants me to eat this grilled-cheese pizza crust crap, don’t they? O.k., I reckon I’ll take the glasses off and pick up the phone.
http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzrmr4qrLu1rnd0edo1_500.gif
Yeah, I can’t see myself liking that.
The bacon wrapped pizzes from little caesars or whatever…dear god there is not enough weed on the planet that would make me eat that shit.
It just looks like pure heartburn to me.
As far as frozen pizza goes, there’s nothing better than a dirt cheap little Totinos burned to perfection rolled into a taco. Especially around 2:00 AM.
It’s a local Chicago brand, but I’ve become horribly addicted to Home Run Inn toaster pizza. Haven’t gone to any of their actual locations since they’re stupidly overpriced, but damn good freezer pizza.
Let’s wait for 2 or 3 sexual assault allegations before we start doing that.
Last year: Chargers offensive line injuries doom the team
This year: Everybody on the Chargers except the offensive line get injured and doom the team
What about 2020, NSZ?
There are no Chargers in 2020.
Thank you Carolina for being such gracious hosts. Must be the Southern hospitality thing.
And thank you, Cam for standing in the pocket for so long that pretty much every Vikings defender got a chance to knock the FUCK out of you.
Also, I took the Vikings and parlayed the under (43) for a nice 2.5 to 1 payout.
FUCK YES!
I started Cam and sat the Vikings D. I mean, beforehand, what sane person would have thought that was the wrong decision? I put in the Dallas D, against the Bears, and they should do fine, but Kirk Cousins had more points than Cam, and the Vikings D had 26 points. TWENTY SIX!!
I will not doubt your hale Scandinavian defenders again!
I think “Vikings and the under” may be my new rally cry.
That was awesome.
Must be awesome to be talented and insanely beautiful like Erinn Hayes and realize the best role you can hope for is to pretend to find Kevin James sexable.
Grilled Cheese Pizza, Pizza Hut?
http://i.imgur.com/Br00TCn.gif
Te’o OUT
I’ll believe it when I see it
DGB is Freddie Mitchell-esque so far, making him far and away, the most competent Eagles receiver.
If Zack Ertz’s parents had any sense of humor, they wouldn’t have named him Zack.
So, there is a vendor rep that works for us named Micheal Hunt. He does not go by Mike, but we may refer to him as Mike. And, during a meeting with said vendor, a guy in my group may have asked, with a totally straight face, a question about where Mike Hunt was, mostly because he knew another member in our group laughs like a schoolgirl on nitrous whenever she hears the name. Hilarious awkwardness ensued, and now joke names are even funnier than they used to be.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Zach Ertz!
Zach Ertz who?
I just got back from my vasectomy so my Zach Ertz!
Hoo boy. We’re going Bleergh-riffic this afternoon.
Really, he should’ve rolled him over and hooked the leg properly. It’s all about making it believable.
Oh! I have Creme de Noyaux I can put in my gin and oranges! I’m gonna go do that!
That sounds delicious
I just got some bitter almond grappa that I can’t wait to mix into things.
Are you sure it’s not cyanide?
If I stop leaving comments, then you’ll know.
I wish I had had a better developed sense of taste when I was in Italy as I think I would have appreciated grappa more than I did.
Even your sweet, sweet tears?
/read that as “can’t mix into things”
//reading is FUNdamental
Better save something for the night game, we’re both gonna need it.
goddammit hodor
Wooooooooooooooooooo
Ok you guys. I just made a 2.5 mile beer run…literally. Shouldn’t all that excercise negate all the unhealthy effects of said libations?
Yes. You should always start your car at least once a week to keep the battery charged and the pistons, valves and crank-shaft lubricated.
Living in the New York market blows goats for football.
So many Sundays stuck with nothing but Jets and Giants.
http://cdn.pichars.org/store/4690_original_tumblr_lnvpeirNjN1qe1ww4o1_500.jpg
Well, imagine living in Michigan.
/Flips between Steelers-Eagles and RedZone
For some reason, I am forced to watch [*Redacted] s games even though there is a successful franchise only an hour or two away, as opposed to the 5 to 6 hours to get up to Landover MD.
I don’t think you understand.
Unless one of them isn’t playing on Sunday I get one NY game early and one late.
Every Sunday.
[*Redacted] s and Ravens do that to the DC market, too. Plus the occasional block out. It’s why I usually watch football at bars or friends’ houses with directv.
I do. I went the rubbing it in route.
Ah.
I thank you so much for caring.
In JV news, apparently LSU just fired Les Miles and Cam Cameron.
no merde??
That’s what’s being said on the tweeter.
http://www.saturdaydownsouth.com/lsu-football/report-lsu-fired-les-miles-cam-cameron/
I knew that whomever lost that game would be fired, but I figured it wouldn’t happen til the end of the year.
I am happy because the [*Redacted] s might not be the Most Embarrassing Team in the NFC East. Sometimes it’s nice having low standards!
Its not embarrassing if everyones doing it
My hope going into this game was that both teams lose.
So far that still seems plausible.
Ben’s game really improved as he grew out of the whole “Raping” phase.
Priorities
To protest treatment of minorities by cops, Colin Kaepernick kneels during the national anthem.
And judging by the 1st quarter stats, the Seahawks, touched by Kaepernick’s example, are joining his protest by teabagging the 49ers for the entire game.
Banner worthy.
This game is so, so Chargers so far.
All of the Darkside Chargers tendencies are out in full force.
Luck is enjoying the pleasure of a good pocket previously only seen by lonely nerds with microwaves.
T’eo with a phantom injury?
Somebody real seems to be lusting for some hot ref love in this Steelers/Eagles game.
imaginary player takes out Teo
And the colts fail to make any use of the 15+ free yards they could have gotten as a result
Phil shut up about how sexy you think the officials are…
Methinks I will watch the BATTLE OF PENN’S WOODS
Oh god damn it, can Phil Simms fuck off right now?
Apparently, I’m stuck with Colts-Bolts. Not sure if it’s because I pleased or pissed off BOLTMAN.
This ad for icy hot was very informative, in that I learned that Shaq now has titties.
Mm. The joy of cheering on Darren Sproles as I watch him burn me in fantasy. I know better than to play.
Did Trevor Simien look nearly as good as the fox highlight package implies?
Bengals Secondary helped.
Just checked to see if Siemian studied anything architecty at NW but he was just a Communications major.
http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e22/PrimitiveScrewhead1973/SaL22.jpg
Oh my god I miss a blocked kick so we can get post-game Browns stock footage. Fuck you, CBS.
Gonna take a great bounce for San Francisco. Oh wait, never mind.
Stupid Factory. Make it better, Bolts passing game.
Pheel.
Jim.
Drink.
Lots.
By the way, I hope that my whiskey is not being delivered by email.
Tap tap tap thing thing on?
Graham figures if he gets a false start penalty Seattle might remember he’s on the field
Pardom me, I need a drink.
Pardom? Fuck, I need two drinks.
Postpartum issues can lead to excessive drinking. CHEERS!!!1!
OK, admittedly that was a reach.
This one’s even reachey-er …
