Week 3 brought us multiple safeties, and multiple fat guy TDs. It was fun that way. It was also plenty surprising, as we will discuss below…
Holy shit, Philadelphia. I very smugly dismissed you in the late games preview, and you done showed me fer what. More so than Carson Wentz, it was the Iggles defense that impressed the hell out of me. Very rare that anyone makes the Stiller machine look like a pop gun outfit like that. Perhaps the NFC East will send a team to the playoffs that actually belongs there this season?
Surprise deux…the Ryan twins ain’t quite dead in WNY, as Carson Palmer proved he is still quite capable of pulling an outhouse performance at any point in time. Aside from their safety (WOO!!) the desert birds were just awful across the board. At least David Johnson finally scored some fantasy points, amirite??
I can no longer shit all over Trevor Siemian. Cincinnati very logically game planned to stop the run and dared Trevor to beat them…and beat them he did, by a 29-17 final. 4 TD passes and an airtight 2nd half defensive performance paved the way for the defending champs’ first road win of the season. Perhaps Denver can challenge the P*ts this January after all? Still not 100% convinced, but cautiously optimistic at least.
Aaron Rodgers continues to post big scorelines with otherwise mediocre numbers, building a 28-point lead and holding on for a 34-27 win over Detroit. I am not at all convinced that Green Bay is any good, it’s all smoke and mirrors.
Who is any good? MINNESOTA. After spotting the Panthers an early 10-nil home lead, the vice clamps came down HARD. Cam Newton got safetied (WOO!!) then battered, bruised, and confused by what may just be the best overall unit in the NFL. This is my pick to make the Superb Owl out of the NFC. The defense is THAT GOOD.
Speaking of good defenses carrying an offense, HAI SeaTruthers!! But ruh roh, Russell Wilson now has owies in both legs. That makes quarterbacking awful hard, and even if he hadn’t been super effective the first 2.7 games of the season…nobody thinks rookie Boykin is an acceptable alternative.
Look up the definition of “shitshow” and you should see a picture of today’s Redacteds/Giants game. Diva behavior, fuckups galore, a successful fake punt that had no business so being, etc. In the end, Elisha fucked up last and hardest. But this was non-stop comedy, and nobody should feel good about this one. SHHHHHIIIIIIIITTTTTTTT.
Also a shitshow – Balmer’s win in Jacksonville. The Ratbirds are maybe the worstest 3-0 team in NFL history.
Speaking of shit….Ryan Fitzpatrick. Jeebus Tapdancing Christ. Even in the vast legacy of Jetsing…
Also, the Factory could survive using their 3rd string QB and featuring Terrell Pryor as their #1 offensive weapon (both played surprisingly well), but apparently the #2 kicker was a bridge too fucking far. So another chapter in the book of futility is written, and all the morons who took Miami in my Survivor pool unjustly advance. NOT THAT I’M BITTER OR ANYTHING.
Did anything ever actually happen in Titans/Raiders? If so, I never noticed.
Rams/Bucs was just bonkers in the way only a game between two random, mediocre franchises can be. Tampa’s complete bust of a 2nd round kicker (insert 30 minute laughter break) and a late Rams’ fat guy TD dug a hole that was just a little too deep to rape out of.
T.Y. Hilton saves the day (season?) for the Humps with a great individual play with just over a minute left. Once again, the Bolts are snakebitten, and Old Man Rivers is left cursing his luck and planning his five-state killing spree.
Calling this one in the 2nd quarter – Dallas is just bludgeoning the hapless citizens of Hoyer Country, and it shall get no better. But huzzah for proper sleep before the work week ahead!
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Well, the grass certainly looks nice.
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I don’t think these were “instant,” these thoughts crept in to the Hippo brain like a crawling fog filling up the lowlands and valleys, gradually rendering the senses of sight and hearing useless. To the point that perception was so battered and beaten by the fourth quarter of the late games that logic and context had all but vanished.
Blerp.
Apparently that thing he sent was The D, which would have been better appreciated by, oh …, half the teams playing yesterday.
This weekend was the sportocalypse in the Bimmons household.
My only succor lay in the performances of a bunch of fucking FURRINERS from Southampton and Sydney.
Give it up for *certain* fans.
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*He apparently had Fitzmagic on his fantasy team.
As far as I’m concerned, there was no football yesterday.
http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_traumatic.html
Oh, there were traumatic disorders, that’s for sure.
OK, this might be better for J-E-T-S, JETS fans too.
http://www.human-memory.net/disorders_psychogenic.html
And a quick note to Rams fans rejoicing over the team’s return.
If you don’t have the Sunday Ticket, yesterday’s broadcast games were Raiders Titans early followed by Chargers Colts and the ONLY game on Fox all day was Rams Bucs in the 1:00 PM PDT slot.
Is this what you really wanted?
Fuck ’em
My predominant observation was holy fucking shit look at all of the goddamn penalty flags!
It’s always swell when the refs feel the need to be part of the game.
Bleergh must be most satisfied today.
Is one of our smarty pants nerdy nerds going to do another historical comparison of penalty frequency? That was excellent last season.
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Seriously the Ravens look like hot dog shit. Wins are wins, but I suspect the Ravens could be among the 20% or so of 3-0 teams that don’t make the playoffs.
Also, the Bears sucking isn’t as fun without Catler on the field…
It doesn’t help that the coaching staff seems hell bent on underusing their most interesting offensive pieces, barely involving Breshard Perrriman, and making Javorious Allen a consistent healthy scratch.
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When you say “hot dog shit” do you mean like Skyline Chili or like the steaming remains of Catler?
This is why as a Jints fan I love the Jets. I’m all pissed about throwing the game away, literally, to the [redacteds], then I show up at a bar in the third quarter and get to laugh my ass off the rest of the evening.
Looks like I’ll be spending the next 14 weeks wondering if the Cardinals will trade out or use their 2017 Top 3 overall draft pick.
Whichever is stupider, Mike Bidwell will do that.
I feel quite good about the [*Redacted] s pooping in Eli’s pudding. You do not speak for me. I’m still a little concerned about how much lead-based paint Kirk Cousins is drinking though.
He’s not blind, so it’s not enough
My Sunday, by JJ Fozz:
– took son to go karting party and ate pizza
– drove 40 minutes to watch older son play socker
– older son plays goalie, gets shelled, comes out positive and shows unbelievable character (yes, I’m a proud dad)
– follow Ravens game on Bleacher Report via tweets, this is a stupid as fuck way to follow a game
– listen to game on way home, Flacco throws pic, I curse and turn off game
– turn game back on, and vow to eviscerate Trestman
– go home, watch Stillers get taken to the woodshed
– create new plan to eradicate Twitter from the world
Where was
-masturbate furiously to Stiller loss
?
Since I went off like a cannon without even touching Big Fozz, I don’t count it as masturbation
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I am SO happy that I was away from the tv and Internet all day Sunday.
WTF, Steelers? I am not not spending money on the NFL to see you shit the bed like you had Thai for lunch, Taco Bell for dinner, and a late night snack of expired milk!
Derek Carr is a good
QB, OAK is not bothered
by 100-degree heat
playing in black, and
the Raiders deserved
to win by at least 10,
but had plenty of drops.
I could only take 30 mins.
of additional football after that, and went to sleep at 7 PM. That’s Titans football:
you will age 35 years in one
sitting. Murray and Henry
are worth watching, tho.
That fake punt was AWESOME. The best thing about it? The QB controversy in DC will now feature people who want the punter to play QB, and they won’t even be kidding!
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I, too, abandoned SNF at the half, and ’twas clearly the right decision. These Bears suck harder than Stefon’s best friends.
Three catches for a total of 62 yards. Ted Ginn really earned his Ginn Coin this week.
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