Your “Are These The Dog Days Of The Season? Feels Like It” NFL Football Open Thread

I guess at some point of any major league schedule the creators must get some middling games out of the way before the rush to the finish, huh? That’s the feel I’m getting from some of these tilts here. But for the teams involved there’s a ton of difference between 5-4 and 4-5. BECAUSE ANYTHING MIGHT HAPPEN! Maybe your team goes on a roll, wins a game they weren’t expected to, has an unheralded rookie catch fire, etc. On the other hand, maybe your team is playing for nothing, waiting for the coach to get fired, the malcontent in the dressing room to get injured/shut the hell up, etc. And no, there’s nothing in between-if I’ve learned anything from the run-up to the election, it’s that there is only black and white in this world. TO THE GAMES!

Pit/Bal-I could go for a nice game of pitball right now… Sorry about that-Big Ben had surgery just 19 days and one extra hour ago. It’s about time he got back out on the field then, right? He’s a game-time decision and an empty shell of a man physically by the time he hits 50. AFC North teams have won a collective 10 times altogether at this point. Looks like someone’s taking the division at 8-8. The Ravens have grabbed 5 of the last 6 but may be without Yanda, Smith Sr, and Suggs. I’ll go out on a limb and say that the game will be an eyesore.

Dal/Cle-What happens when the league’s 4th ranked O and 12th ranked D strolls into Cleveland to play the Brownies? Pure Devastation. All that’s left to do for this Ohio team is trade their upcoming #1 draft pick to some team in the Lingerie League for a bag of kicking tees.

Jax/KC-Hey, qb Nick Foles starts for the Chiefs! By the time he retires he’ll have played for at least 5 more teams. I’ve got money riding on this. Jags HC Bradley threw OC Olson under the bus, starting a sequence of events that will likely end with him leading the entire coaching staff out the door and hitchhiking down the highway. Shortly afterwards players will say, “He lost the room after the second game”, “Everyone was tired of his approach”, “He just didn’t relate to the younger (code for black) players” and so on and whatever.

NYJ/Mia-If you’re a fan of grouper, catfish or carp this AFC East battle of the bottom-feeders is right up your gunwale! The Fins are favoured by 3.5 and are coming off a bye week and wins over the Steelers and Bills. Maybe, just maybe, HC Gase has turned this shipwreck around. The injury report is not giving the Jets any hope of an out-of-nowhere upset. Ol’s Mangold and Qvale are doubtful and Clady, Giacomini and Shell are questionable. That sound you heard was the likes of dl Suh and de’s Wake and Williams pawing the ground and snorting like bulls.

Phi/NYG-Poetry enthusiast/Eagles wr Huff was discovered with a gun and some leaves of grass on the Walt Whitman Bridge Tuesday morning. I had no idea he contained multitudes! The Giants are dead-last in the league running the ball because they run between the tackles every-I SAID EVERY-first down. Rb Jennings leads this bunch of plodders with a paltry 143 yds-that’s like one Ezekiel Elliott game. In limited play rook rb Perkins has shown that he can follow blocking and has a bit of a burst. If you want to locate him he’ll be on the sideline the vast majority of the game.

Det/Min-Another OC bites the dust. Seeing the graffiti on the wall (“score some MF’ing points”) Norv Turner decided to spend more time with the family he’s ignored for the last 40 years. New Guy Pat Shurmur cuts his teeth on a Lions D that ranks dead last in DVOA (no idea what it means but it sounds like a stat) Still, this Detroit squad can beat/lose to any team during any week. Which team will show? Well, gentlemen-get out yer flippin’ coins if’n you want to decide.

There she is-HAVE AT ‘ER, KIDLINGS!

 

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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JustStopDude
JustStopDude

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Shogun Marcus

NEW THREAD UP

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“TYRELL WILLIAMS: HE BEATS COX!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am literally going to laugh about this Mr. Burns-crippled-Irishman-style for the next two weeks.

Shogun Marcus

Pheel: “Well you know he’s a overhand thrower.”
*blink blink…twitch blink*

Shogun Marcus

Insurmountable. The “bend, don’t break” bullshit defensive strategy done did already broke.

King Hippo

could be the old, bend THEN break. As an NC State alumnus, I super familiar with it.

Shogun Marcus

Capers coach there too?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Fuck it…I am just going to do laundry and watch MSK3T on the big screen.

King Hippo

it’s amazing how accurately he floated that so far, off his back foot. Laserface really defies all laws of physics. No wonder he can defend being a Republican.

King Hippo

good, back ’em up. NO rushing TD and MOAR Laserface passing yards!

Old School Zero

Goddamnit Fluker.

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Kicking is SO easy!

Shogun Marcus

I hear the Colts o-line is about as strong as wet toilet paper. As a former professional papermaker, I can see it’s one-ply. Irsay hogs the tri-ply for himself.

laserguru

Free to good home…
No fuck that, he deserves a bad home.

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King Hippo

Mister Winkles will bite his nuts off, then send him back to his home planet, yeah?

laserguru

Oh, there will be a blood letting.

Old School Zero

He might have his canadian immigration papers in order already, so maybe he can just apply for asylum prior to Tuesday.

Spur
Spur

No late game thread?

Shogun Marcus

Scotchy is all the scotch I am told.

Old School Zero

85 STILL ALIVE

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Woo hoo non-Brees touchdown!

Old School Zero

Powder Blues offense looking good so far.

King Hippo

Thanks to the Ratbirds surrendering 26 garbage fantasy points in the last 10 goddamned minutes to Rapey McGrey Penis, I need Laserface to play angry and not let his foot off the gas for 4 full quarters.

Old School Zero

I wish us both luck on that account, then.

Shogun Marcus

DON’T LAND ON YOUR SICKLE CELL MONTGOMERY!!! YOU’RE ALL WE GOT!
/is nawt a medical doctor

King Hippo

Ty’s a pretty good RB for a WR with no kidneys…

Shogun Marcus

Muthafuck a monkey. Special teams indeed.

King Hippo

have to hide them crowd-pleasing white players someplace ,, smgdh

Shogun Marcus

Late thread? Or no?

King Hippo

Scotchy is pretty crunk. Or late thread is just a Shy Tory today?

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Okay, time to watch the Fat Humps get hilariously skullfucked by the Cheeseheads in the Fat Bowl

fleshwound_NPG
fleshwound_NPG

Um…nevermind?

King Hippo

Motherfucker, by all rights I should have the other dude knocked out in Survivor. Hard to suck out any luckier than the Chefs did today.

Gratliff

Pederson is going to start getting killed in the press. Eagles had the first 3 games they lost won in the 4th before giving them away, and then two bad calls to go for it on 4th in this game cost them a chance to win.

Gratliff

Football is stupid.

Spur
Spur
Spur
Spur

Wentz trying to kill the refs with kindness

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