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Your “First QB To 500 Yards Passing Wins!” Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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,

[arrives home late from work, runs to computer] No time for a little story, guys. TO THE GAME!

NO/Car-The last time the 4-5 Saints met the 3-6 Panthers the final score was a very fantasy-friendly 41-38. Brees went bananas and pulled out the win and that was without his full complement of wr’s-this time around Willie Snead will play. Carolina counters with cb’s Bradberry and Johnson being healthy. I think Cam will look in the direction of wr Benjamin quite a bit because he’ll be matched up against a banged-up Breaux or some player that’s even worse. All in all, this looks like another high-scoring and entertaining tilt.

Also, don’t forget to check out Freeballin’ Football’s latest podcast down below. Will the circular scar around Bill’s nipple heal before his wife notices? When will the voices in Nick’s fridge stop telling him to ‘kill all the hobos’ every time he reaches for the mayo? What prompted that cop to arrest Josh for ‘Molesting Church Property’? Will someone finally tell Tim that the Santa Tooth Fairy Rabbit isn’t a real thing? For the answers to these questions and some blather about “The Football”, be sure to tune in. By the way, if you’re a fan of matching voices to avatars, the incredibly tolerable Darkest Timeline Zack Morris is a guest squawker this week. Will his infinite wisdom change the economic course of several nations? There’s only one way to find out…

I’m done-LET’S GET GOING!!!

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Brick Meathook

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King Hippo

Somebody just told Luuuuuke Santa’s not real, huh?

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“But, who will put all the grit in my stocking?!”

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King Hippo

Kick another Lionel Hutz FG! My hopeless fantasy team demands it!

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WCS

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Brick Meathook

THAT’S MIGUEL SANCHEZ

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

My wife tells me that Trump supporters are going to boycott companies that spoke out against his platform. I told her that they’ll forget all about it as soon as one of their attractive cousins posts a new photo to facebook.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Voting for Trump is more of a… Shellbyville idea.”

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Brocky

I tell you what, someone tries to serve me a yuengling, I’m throwing that shit in the river like it was fucking skyline chili.

i’m not exaggerating. I was tired of food being part of the christmas grab bag, and those same cousins lazily got one of their gift sets again. my grandparents lived on a river. i made the threat one year, they must have thought I was kidding because I followed up with it the next.

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Unsurprised

But Peter Thiel is on Facebook’s board of directors.

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Brick Meathook

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Croooow

Andy Reid approves of Carolina’s clock management.

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Croooow

And Ginn almost does an ungood.

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WCS

Just saw my first Lexus big, red bow commercial. I might be reaching jjfozz levels of rage.

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King Hippo

all I am giving are Planned Parenthood donations and angry, pill-addled sneers this year

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JerBear50

Will you at least share the pills?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BE ANGRY AT SOMETHING THAT MATTERS.
or
BE ANGRY AT SOMETHING THAT MATTERS ALSO.

http://68.media.tumblr.com/8acbcd174530fc1b6f34ed58c4e8c05f/tumblr_nbu99tKPYM1qbd34wo1_1280.jpg

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King Hippo

One should wake up angry, go to bed angry, and stay angry alls the time in between.

Especially if your job is a murderer.

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jjfozz

I am going to go get a sledgehammer and bash the fucking shit out of my Samsung TV. Them I’m going to bash the fucking shit out of this fucking laptop. Fuck everything.

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WCS

I know Samsung commercials are hot garbage, but, if you engage Protocol Zero, we’d miss your angry outbursts and witty social commentary.

http://3.images.southparkstudios.com/images/shows/south-park/clip-thumbnails/season-20/2003/south-park-s20e03c16-destroying-the-evidence_16x9.jpg

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King Hippo

obtain launch codes, beat Trump/Iran/Israel/Russia to it!!!

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Croooow

I seriously forget NASCAR’s season is still going on in November.

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WCS

Even if he does win his seventh championship, no one will ever, ever put Jimmie Johnson in the same time zone as Petty and Earnhardt.

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King Hippo

I assumed “hunting immigrants for sport” was gonna totally mushroom-like wreck their business model ,, smh

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Croooow

Down 20 and kick a FG. Can’t get more TNF than this.

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King Hippo

my fantasy team approved

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WCS

Sean Payton in full “fuck it” mode.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’ve seen it before…

http://ll-media.tmz.com/2012/07/10/0-s4b0txwx-535×350.jpg

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ALXMAC

Hey WCS, what’s up with Skyler Howard being so “Skyler Howard” lately? Is it just Skyler Howard being “Skyler Howard”?

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WCS

There’s definitely been a disturbing pattern since the Oklahoma State loss. Even though WVU is 2-0 since then, Howard’s accounted for six turnovers (four INTs and two fumbles). Luckily, one of those games was against Kansas, so Kansas. The Texas win was entirely due to the defense playing out of their minds, and the running game kicking ass. Skyler’s back to 2015 Skyler: bad decisions, missing receivers high, and holding onto the ball too long. I don’t know if he was just “in the zone” for the first half of the season, or he’s just thinking too much last few weeks, but, he’s got to play a pant’s load better Saturday to beat the Sooners.

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King Hippo

that’s a LOT of fucking Ted, man…

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ALXMAC

Thank you for your response. Because of his play in the 1st half of this season, I think he has it in him to beat OU by 2 TDs (Senior, home game, Primetime national coverage, the Gameday snub, D stepping up lately and that also has been above average all year) or he could blow it (2015 Skyler Howard for 2 of the last 3 games).

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Gratliff

Oh shit. There’s a Lemmy tribute video that appears to be a cross between Monty Python, Gorillaz, and cocaine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Mkq6GFLIsk

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ALXMAC

Nice!! I just gave the “Lemmy (2010)” doc to a friend today.

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Brocky

that’s actually really well done

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Croooow

I’m still of the belief that personal fouls shouldn’t be nullified by offsetting.

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Mr. Ayo

RIP Ingram

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WCS

Louisville just scored. 31-7 Houston. Here starts the comeback?

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Gratliff

Not quite as creepy as “All Nightmare Long”, but still enjoy the creepy animated videos they put out here and there.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpF8Wa2yQH0

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ALXMAC

“Queens of the Stone Age did it!!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f49yRhJ0NjI

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Brocky

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scotchnaut

Nighty-night fellow shitheads-this little tiger has to get up extra squirrelly tomorrow morning.

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Dunstan

Even commercials for The Apprentice make me angry these days.

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Unsurprised

Gotta go. Have fun. Fuck the Patriots and Cowboys.

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Croooow

Houston is up on Louisville 31-0. That’s a shocker.

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...

Ah yes… college football. The only league in which what happens on the field doesn’t fucking matter if a bunch of people decide it doesn’t.

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Doktor Zymm

Excellent catch by Ginn ruled a catch? Now I’ve seen everything.

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Croooow

Ginn did a good!

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scotchnaut

Much as I don’t want to give credit to Ginn… that was a great catch.

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Unsurprised

We’ve officially become Bizarro World.

I would scratch him off the list of this week’s Ginn Coin recipients (and then drop the list), but there’s still a half left.

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WCS

Drumpf wins the Presidency, the Cubs win the World Series, Ted Ginn. Jr. does a good. 2016, everyone.

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Duchess

dont forget that Big Daddy Drew got a book optioned for a TV show apparently

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...

Confession time: Trump winning totally soured me on the Cubs winning the World Series. I no longer derive any joy from the latter.

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Croooow

BLEERG will not be denied.

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WCS

All that sequence was missing was Yakety-Sax.

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Doktor Zymm

Okay, I just saw the best moment of this game. I can go to bed now.

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Fronkenshteen

It’s ok! There’s always the second half, right Drew?
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Col. Duke LaCross

Kick six!

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Col. Duke LaCross

Or not. Hail bleeergh!

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Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

Chip Kelly demands an immediate investigation into the leaking of his playbook

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JerBear50

“Option right” and “option left” does not count as a book.

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Unsurprised

The NFL Referees’ bible

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scotchnaut

Chapter 6: How to go out there and “Break A Leg!”

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Unsurprised

Written by LT

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Duchess

So Hillary lost… does that mean Otto has returned?

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Brocky

That might be a worthy trade off…

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...

I don’t know where I heard this, but I believe he actually ran for public office and that’s why he vanished and scrubbed his online presence.

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Duchess

I joked that his dad is Bill Otto who is running for office in Missouri

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Big if true.

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Doktor Zymm

I’ve been forgetting to watch Thursday night games this season. I must have seriously pissed off my subconscious somehow, that I remembered to watch this one.

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...

Do you know is more scary to me than Trump as president?

That millions of Americans are talking themselves into the idea that Trump will do a good job and that we need to give him a chance and that he has a platform he’ll actually execute or that he gives two squirrely fucks about a single one of the dimwits who voted for him thinking he’d be their savior and that not a single fucking one of them will probably ever understand the mistake they’ve made even when the country is substantially worse off in four years than it is today.

Sorry, I’ll go back to bitching about terrible football now.

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Duchess

Im sure Paul Ryan has a few premade letters of impeachment in a special folder … which will give us president Pence… fuck we are screwed harder.

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...

I have mixed feelings about this because while a President Pence will probably be worse in the short term, the Dimwitted Shit for Brains crowd would openly revolt against the Republicans and probably cost them the House and maybe the Senate in 2018 and most certainly the White House in 2020. I don’t know the G.O.P. is crazy enough to do this, but Trump is the temperamental child we know him to be, he might not take orders and do shit just to spite the people who oppose him.

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JerBear50

Cold comfort, but he’s at least backed off of going after gay marriage. Everything else is still a ball of stupid, but it’s something I guess.

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...

Only the culture war fundies care about that still and since they’ve already fallen in line behind Trump, they have no leverage to fight over it.

Not that I ever thought Evangelicals were anything but awful hypocritical people, but their support of Trump is exhibit A in the case that they’re some of the worst people on Earth.

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Unsurprised

Unanimous party vote to remain Speaker. If he goes after Trump, he’s going after Pence as well. Because why settle for Pence when he can take the Big Chair himself?

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...

Could happen, but that won’t change the fact Ryan will be branded a traitor and thoroughly punished by the electorate who considered Trump their savior.

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Unsurprised

The reason Trump won, I see, comes down to the difference between Republicans and Democrats. The former want to win and the latter want to be right. Republicans have and will held their noses to vote for an R who isn’t 100% if it means being mostly there come election time.

Democrats … don’t vote because the most passionate ones demand orthodoxy above all else or will just walk away because they’re fucking idiots.

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...

This is an excellent description. The left is almost eager to eat their own over ideological purity. They also don’t want to do the hard word of working from the bottom up (as the Tea Party did) to get power and instead lean on saviors (Bernie) to change everything from the top down.

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Unsurprised

Exactly. Hence the support for fuckholes and shitweasels like Bernie and Jill Stein.

Because progressive Dems are stupid. So so stupid. I hate them so much. I cannot even begin to describe how much.

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Duchess

i wouldn’t call getting hijacked by the Koch brothers who have been funneling money into super pacs as “working hard”

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...

Considering the Left’s track record in showing up for elections that don’t involve the president, I’m perfectly content calling voting “hard work” for them.

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Unsurprised

I think that’s mostly people in the Bargaining stage of grief or are the drooling idiots who voted for The Orange Man in the first place.

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...

It’s latter I’m talking about. When I’m in a particularly bad mood, I ignore the legitimate needs these people have and simply wish them to be fucked over in such an extreme way they can never recover.

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Unsurprised

I never cared about their needs or wants. I am not a nerd who became a lawyer because I have the patience or temperament to tolerate stupid and evil people being either.

Well, the latter is a bad example, except that I don’t ever want to work for evil people and already hate the lawyers I know who do serve those fucking bastards.

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Unsurprised

God Almighty I sound like a fucking moron adding the “became a lawyer” part because most of the people with the money and insight to hire us are the most evil people on Earth.

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Brocky

I’m going the negative route.

Gloves are off now. The half wits are about to find out how idiotic they sound

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...

I’m of the far more bleak belief that people don’t actually learn lessons and that the people who think Trump will save them will never admit or even understand he didn’t ever try.

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Unsurprised

Indeed.

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Gratliff

Checking on youtube, I see that Metallica has released like 20 Official Videos for their new album in the last week. What the fuck?

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JerBear50

I heard a track that sounded pretty solid, but it’s been so long since they’ve done anything worthwhile that I’m having a hard time caring. Too many dashed hopes.

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Gratliff

Since Death Magnetic, they’ve kind of settled into “Make songs that sound a lot like Metallica songs with some really good videos to go with them.” Whether or not that’s a good thing seems to be up in the air. Same people who bitched about St. Anger bitch that their songs sound like old Metallica songs now.

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Unsurprised

Xmas Ape is the best.

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Croooow

Peak Thursday Night Football.

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Doktor Zymm

Insurmountable lead

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JerBear50

Flint’s water supply?

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Unsurprised

This is brilliant.

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JerBear50

You say enough stupid shit, something decent is bound to pop eventually. I assume SI will be sending me a contract shortly.

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Unsurprised

I’m proof that is not true

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Gratliff

Dawkins and Owens make it to the final ballot for the Hall of Fame. Time to restart my “Brian Dawkins should be a no-brainer for first ballot HoF, because he is one of, if not the best safety of all time” campaign.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe5B8W8ZyR4

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WCS

If/when that happens, Angelo Cataldi will spend the rest of his life taking credit for it.

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Gratliff

One of the benefits of leaving the region is getting to pretend that WIP doesn’t exist.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“…and just then, BEERGH showed up.”

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WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

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Spur

The Color Rush was invented in 1861 when the Confederates dawned in their all grey Adidas jerseys stormed the battlefields of the American Civil War.

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Doktor Zymm

The unis were actually red, but everyone was red/green color blind back then

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...

I don’t know why this made me laugh as much as it did, but I’m glad it happened.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Comments like this are what get me through these dark times.

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Doktor Zymm

I think Cam just broke single digits in fantasy!

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scotchnaut

[breaks several digits in reality]

-Loan Shark Collector

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If Kelvin Benjamin is hurt I have no reason to continue watching this game.

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JerBear50

Same here. Already wasn’t so I guess that works out.

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