Your “Week 11? Where Did The Time Go?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

If you haven’t felt the season fly by fairly quickly, I envy you and wish you well in your battle with acne. You see, as one ages time tends run faster. Someone that may or may not be smarter than me attributes this phenomenon to the fact that there is a distinct lack of “firsts” that occur as we grow older. These “first times” (getting a license, getting laid, killing a hobo, marrying a hobo’s widow, OD-ing on laundry detergent, changing underwear, etc.) are reference points by which our memory marks time. With a decreasing amount of fresh reference points, time feels as though it has sped up. That’s the theory, anyway. What’s that you say, “Shut up, scotchy. I didn’t come here to have some half-assed brain fart of a theory with more holes in it than a colander shoved in my face against my will by some drunk whose rancid breath I can smell from here!” My, aren’t we cranky this morning… TO THE GAMES!

Pit/Cle-The Steelers have lost 3 straight on the road and it gets worse-4 of their next 5 are away. Not sure if Kessler or McCown are starting today but you’re right, it makes no matter. If you’re the type to be concerned with that you’re also curious about exactly how the deck chairs were arranged on the Titanic. It looks as though 8-8 or 9-7 is going to take the AFC North so Pit needs this to stay on the Ravens heels.

Bal/Dal-Speaking of the Ravens, it looks as though the Cowboys are going to do the Steelers a solid. (is that still used?) Dallas is favoured by 8 the last time I looked and Baltimore always loses by single digits so that’s a tough call. How the Ravens manage to stay close when Flacco has a 9/9 TD/Int ratio is beyond my comprehension. One TD per game? Wow. DAK! has thrown for 35 less yards and is at 14/2. So how does he pull that off when his fave target is Cole Freakin’ Beasley? I think this is the final confirmation that there is no governing intelligence in the universe.

Jax/Det-Qb Chunky Lardtrough is having him quite the season. It looks as though this might lead to a very healthy contract that he’ll not come remotely close to performing up to. Still, that kind of money buys a lot of Keebler elves and who really can put a price on their tasty cookies? The Jags “Fire Gus Bradley” movement continues apace in the form of god-awful play on the field and thinly-disguised despair in the locker room.

Ten/Ind-Both teams have alternated wins with losses for the last 5 weeks. Given that they each lost last week, logic dictates that they both must lose today. I don’t know how they’re going to pull it off but I have tremendous faith in the mediocrity of these teams. Two teams enter, both dissemble.

Buf/Cin-Much like an unwanted fan on a Wimbledon court, the Bills are streaking. After 2 losses, 4 wins and another 2 losses they look to the spaghetti chili basket of America for their next W. Bengal fans have been near-unanimous in their agreement that a sub-par O-line has sabotaged their season. As evidence they point to qb Dalton getting roughed up by a Giants D that heretofore couldn’t apply pressure with a warehouse full of bicycle tire pumps. Rex and Rob are going to watch some tape and blitz like Rommel in the desert. Wr Green will get his like he always does but it won’t be enough.

TB/KC-The most boring 7-2 team in the league raises its boring head. They’re tied with the Raiders atop the AFC West so they need this game vs. Tampa and will most likely get it. That’ll make 6 wins in a row and then their sked tightens up quite a bit. They have the Broncs (X2), Falcons and Raiders up ahead. What is there to say about the Bucs except that which has already been said?

Chi/NYG-The sulkiest sulker that ever shrugged his shoulders and rolled his eyes is trying to lead the Bears to the promised land of the second overall draft pick in 2017. That’s a thoughtful going-away present, isn’t it? Who says he doesn’t care? (everyone) To help things along wr Jeffrey has done his part by departing. HC Fox has also developed a new drill in practice-it’s called “throwing in the towel”. Fox maintains that, “It’s not just for the quarterbacks, it’s something everyone on the team can do.”

Ari/Min-Minny’s recent tumble might just be related to the loss for the year of 3 starting O-line guys. There’s only so many “Next Man Up!(s)” any team can pull off. The Cards had high expectations yet half of their 4 wins have come courtesy of the Niners. This game has “ugly mess” written all over it.

Now, GET YE TO YER BUNKERS AND START FIRING!!!

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Doktor Zymm
Member

Soooo the NFC East still reigns supreme? Welcome to the early 90’s/end days. Maybe we’ll have another stock bubble and I can divest before the pop and retire early!

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Does Palmer have some of that old Cinci magic left in him?*

*throwing a game-ending interception, pick 6 optional

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

Sacked on fourth down is also an acceptable answer.

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Member
ThursdaySkyGoddess

LOL walk off Bortleception.

Romonobyl
Member

I love it when they break to another game just in time to watch the quarterback take a knee.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

DON’T CARE-Ception.

Looks like Eli gets that DQ Sundae this week.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Member
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ok, game over. Is it time for Westworld yet?

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

There isn’t a single interesting afternoon game for me now that all my FF teams have been completely destroyed.

Guess I’ll watch Cheaters/Protesters and hope for Blount to score 6 TDs or something.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem
Member

DALTON’D MOTHERFUCKER

ThursdaySkyGoddess
Member
ThursdaySkyGoddess
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Backbreaking Cutler INT? Backbreaking Cutler INT.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Member

I thought Romo had trademarked that.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

No ties for the Tie God.

Beerguyrob
Member

Yet…

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Hmmmm, you think all the OLine injuries may impact Cutler?

Col. Duke LaCross
Member

“NAW IT’S CUZ HE’S GOT NO HEART!”
~Idiot Bears fans

/Or spleen

Doktor Zymm
Member

Dear santa, for xmas I want some goddamn protection. Meow, cutler.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

But it was totally Cutler’s fault for not getting rid of it.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Fun fact about a Giants tie. If the Skins win tonight, and the Eagles lose, the NFC East would still be half a game apart below the cowboys, but in a totally different and amusing way!

Romonobyl
Member

Which means I have to pull for Seattle tonight.
The horrors…

Spur
Member
Spur

Interesting 2 minute drill by the Ravens

Romonobyl
Member

Excellent job of eating up the clock.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

When did Dan Fouts become a Cowboys apologist?

Doktor Zymm
Member

I’m just assuming Barth will miss the extra point should it come to that. Tie tie tie!

Spur
Member
Spur

Steve Smith needs to chill every once in a while.

blackroseMD1
Member
blackroseMD1

Joe Flacco borrowed his bottle of Chill Pills and forgot to give them back.

LemonJello
Member
LemonJello

That’s a baby-punching offense right there!

Doktor Zymm
Member

Tie tie tie tie tie !!!! Goooooo tie!

Beerguyrob
Member

150 yards in total penalties in Arizona – Minnesota. HAIL BLEERGH!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli
Member

Remember everyone, Cutler is shitty when he does what Eli just did but Eli is a WINNER.

Romonobyl
Member

He’s got a shelf full of participation trophies in his room to prove it.

Romonobyl
Member

A 1st down here would have been perfect.

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

Unless I’m missing something, I don’t think I can sign in to CBS to watch a stream of the Seahawks game unless I’m a Cox, Frontier, WOW!, or Optimum subscriber, or have a Sling Box.

Soooooooo yea, I guess it’s off to bar.

Romonobyl
Member

Try putting an antenna on your TeeVee box. I can even get hi-def over the air here, CBS no less!

Romonobyl
Member

Assuming that’s your issue of course.

ThePirateSloth
Member
ThePirateSloth

I don’t have any cable subscription, we stream everything, or try to at least. I’m thinking about a Sling Box maybe… or Dragon Box? A friend was telling me about it the other day.

Beerguyrob
Member

Is that really a down side?

Romonobyl
Member

I don’t mean to tell you your job Dak, but it rhymes with “Smitten”. Just sayin’.

Doktor Zymm
Member

Dude next to me is placing bets on the late games on his phone, with a bookie or something!

Doktor Zymm
Member

Oh no, he ain’t taking GB. Oh, no he’s just saying he’ll pass out before that game

Spur
Member
Spur

Awesome play by Zeke, but wish he didn’t go out.

Doktor Zymm
Member

And we got the ‘I ain’t dead’ wave. Hope dude is okay. And some guy down the bar just asked if it was Cutler they were carting off…smgdh

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