It’s time for another installment of Better Know a Deity. Sure, we all know the big names in the football pantheon like BLEERGH, BOLTMAN! and Al Davis’ Revified Corpse. But sometimes a lesser-known god or goddess comes to the fore. (H/t to Thursday Sky Goddess).
Name: Shan’Khor
Nicknames: “the Merciless”; “Shankopotamus” (not to her face)
From: The coldest depths of the Outer Darkness (Framingham, Massachusetts)
Parents Barchoba the Untidy (second cousin of BLEERGH) and Ronald Jones.
Width: 18 feet 6 inches
Seriously?: Hence the ‘Shankopotamus’ nickname
Position: Goddess of Missed Kicks
Cult Founder: Scott Fucking Norwood
Current High Priest: Blair Walsh
Why is she in the news: Because NFL kickers missed 12 extra points in a single day.
Dislikes: Soccer-style kickers, excessive celebrations (h/t Rikki-Tikki-Deadly)
Preferred Worship Music:
Preferred Method of Worship: Signing Jay Feely
What scouts are saying:
- Difference maker. Can tip the balance of games, seasons and careers.
- Impressive change-of-direction skills. Can turn on you on a dime.
- Currently ascendant after league moved the extra-point line back and started randomly replacing the grape Gatorade™ with Purple Drank.
- Tight hips (again, never to her face).
Nicest Comparison: Nemesis, goddess of retribution against hubris
Meanest Comparison: Sterquilinus, god of shitting the field.
Immediate impact: Bills finally benefit!
Down the road: Bills will get fucked! Again!
[…] while we’re at it. It’s the SHAN’KHOR Regional, that’s why! (All I know is this is the original spelling from the ancient runes and thus the one used.) Now if someone could tell be if it’s […]
http://68.media.tumblr.com/87f817d4393024d7fccaaf8904d67acd/tumblr_ogkxplJ1Zy1spnykgo1_1280.jpg
Plays air guitar to:
http://www.celebrityrockstarguitars.com/rock/images/Michael%20Schenker%2088.jpg
I’m on the flight from Charlotte to Baltimore. We are boarding at the gate. This is the best looking bunch of people I’ve ever had the privilege of being crammed together inside a tube with, and I’m in first class. Everyone is here: every race, every gender (all four) every age group. And the kids aren’t crying they are amazed by the machine as they should be. I am proud to be a passenger on this flight. We are certain to die.
http://37.media.tumblr.com/a1093e1755aa2a9c88b7075192b0a340/tumblr_n0jmojZ6Ir1s0t6o2o1_500.gif
Via con dios!
Glad to see the DFO Pantheon beginning to take shape.
What is an appropriate Shanksgiving/Feast of Shan’Khor gift?
Obviously, a hand-made knife of some sort, colloquially known as a “shank.”
Yup.
For a woman, Don T’s choker. For a man, socks. No other gift evokes the same palpable sense of disappointment and thwarted expectation, which are Shan’Khor’s sustenance.
http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/10/a-toast.gif
Sterquilinus’s high priest is Najeh Davenport.
His acolytes are the Browns.
Amulet: amethyst choker
I would have thought tin and sapphire.