The warning on that gate seems like a motto for the season, doesn’t it?

This week: Multiple characters! In multiple storylines! A 90-minute episode! Finally, has “The Walking Dead” emerged from its mediocrity and embraced the light?!

Nope.

I’m going to freely admit that I watched bits of the episode during commercials (and Earl Thomas’ broken leg) of the Panthers-Seahawks game, and watched the full episode at midnight while falling asleep. That I’m not upset I didn’t pay closer attention is testament to the wandering nature of the series.

Who didn’t we see?

There was no Kingdom, and thus no Carol.

There was no Hilltop, and thus no Maggie.

And there was no new community introduced, just a community more fully examined, so no mind-numbing random tangents to further dilute a 90-minute (62-acting minutes) episode.

Still,

Probably in 2017 Milhouse.

Yet, there was enough to push forward, but only to the mid-season finale.

Long-story short: Carl’s plan to kill Negan didn’t go as planned (duh!), and a majority of the episode is Negan giving Carl the grand tour and showing him how cool it is to be the boss, while torturing him with his fate hanging in the balance. I’m not sure if he’s doing it to brag in front of Carl & put down Rick, or if he’s trying to convert him into a Savior. He shows off his living quarters, his wives, and his absolute control over the whole group, even to the point of branding someone with an iron for disobedience.

Oh, hai Daryl! Nice bucket.

He does torment Carl, which answers the dreams of some long-time viewers. For people who wanted to see Carl dead during Seasons 2-4, you probably got that itch scratched when Negan made Carl take off his bandage & show Negan the wound, then sing him a song as punishment. The way it happened was akin to a mind-rape, because he made Carl undress his wound and show him his hole, which he then made fun of.

Honestly, I expected some kind of drill sergeant reference, because surely Negan has seen “Full Metal Jacket”.

The episode primarily concludes with Negan taking Carl back to Alexandria and waiting for Rick to return with his shit. In the meantime, Negan discovers the existence of Judith, Negan tells Carl that he still might kill both Grimes men, and the episode ends on the creepiest “Walton’s” note ever, with the preview for next week implying that Negan knows he has one more way to mind-fuck Rick.

After pretending to play t-ball with Carl’s head earlier, the preview portends Negan may play t-ball with Judith’s skull instead.

The non-Savior’s compound parts of the episode:

• Rick & Aaron go off in search of supplies. They find a survivalist’s compound with ammo & supplies but **record scratch** it’s in the middle of a pond surrounded by walkers.

• 

  Father Gabriel & Spencer also go on a supply run. Aaron talks about how Rick needs to go, which gives Father G the chance to drop the line of the night:

  • “What you’re saying doesn’t make you a sinner, but it does make you a tremendous shit.”
• Rosita convinces Eugene to make her a bullet. Surprise – it’s going to be for Negan because, despite the pain, she wants to avenge Abraham, her first post-apocalypse love.
• Michonne goes off on her own, killing walkers & laying a trap so she can kidnap a Savior. She’s got her own plan for killing Negan.

In fact, the whole episode seemed to remind me of bad ‘aughts movies. Did you ever see “Mr. Woodcock”? It’s this scene

for 90 minutes, at “Full Metal Jacket” intensity

with random plot developments going on around it that will pay off in later episodes.

So why am I watching now?

Prediction: Reminder – next week is the “Fall finale”.

1. Someone’s death will be implied in the cliffhanger finale. My expectation is that it will be a minor character, or possibly someone as consequential as Rosita, but no one higher up the Alexandria food chain.
   • we all want it to be Spencer, but that won’t happen yet.
2. The season will resume after the Super Bowl.
   • because even zombies know not to fuck with Roger Goodell.
3. The “war” will be promised for the spring episodes, but that will be cliffhanger’d into Fall 2017.
   • they only have 8 episodes in the spring. They still need to tie Hilltop and The Kingdom into a general alliance with Alexandria.
4. We may or may not get hints about The Whisperers.
   • at this point, they’d be better off leaving them out, because people have grown weary of the whole “Hey, lookit these new people/weirdos!” track this season has taken.
5. There will still be not enough Carol or Maggie. It will make me want to finally quit the show.

Fine, I’ll stay. But you’d better start coming around more often.