As the Dr. Mrs. vacuums around me, I’m thinking to myself…hey, I don’t have a Smartest Coach on Earth post ready for today, and I don’t have enough time to put one together. But at its heart, the Smartest Coach on Earth series is mainly about taking someone else’s idea and recycling it with a deadly twist, ha ha ha, so I’m going down the “silence is consent” route…
…and ripping off paying tribute to Horatio Cornblower’s fantasy/mock draft series with the topical topic of “Halloween Movies”.
Now don’t make the mistake of thinking this is simply a “Scary Movie” draft. To be a good Halloween movie, a film must be:
- Scary, of course.
- Fun. Not all scary movies are fun.
- Costume-y*. Ideally a good Halloween movie should feature recognizable characters and costumes that you (and your friends, if you have some) can imitate as Halloween costumes.
I’ll get us started with one that fits all the above criteria pretty well, especially if you’re willing to go the extra mile and grow your hair out for the previous eighteen months or so (or just buy a wig).
You can dress as any of the vampires…
…one of the Frog brothers…
…or borrow a saxophone and grease yourself up!
You are now on the clock!
*if you are aware of an adjective that means “features lots of recognizable characters and costumes” please leave it in the comments below along with your pick.
Would The Warriors count? Haven’t seen the whole thing enough to confirm if it counts as scary.
Sure! Drafts are much more laid back in the offseason when that shrew Horatio isn’t in charge.
5. The Cabin in the Woods. There’s pretty much limitless costume options for this one – but you could start with the basic cast and work outward. It’s probably make a great theme for a party.
Who am I kidding it would be the perfect theme for a party.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp5SjCBtqKg
Late to the party, because our serpent mound’s transfer pump went belly up, and had to have that bad boy fixed lest raw sewage start flowing into the house. What was left was:
How the hell was this undrafted?
Sexi Dracula 4- evah!
Not a movie but what ya gonna do?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SJY6w0HD50&ab_channel=Mooncalf2012
Unrelated to the draft, but installing tin crown molding is a pain in the ass. Only did this one corner for now. Does look nice though
And I am NAWT using a nail every 6 inches. It’s tin, not plutonium, how heavy do they think tin is??
I wouldn’t recommend just hanging plutonium from your ceiling, anyway.
Looks really good! Without the radioactivity!
Be careful, that stuff is sharp! Looks great with your window trim!
(Kate Pierson voice): TIIIIINNNN CROWN. Molding.
Got a problem with a website.
Specifically PutLocker.
Every time you click any hyperlink, another page opens to some bullshit article.
I’m a Chrome dork, so anyone know of an extension that could stop this bullshit from happening?
The Pale Blue Eye! Christian Bale! Period Costumes! Who says no!?
ET
Even works as a dog costume
https://target.scene7.com/is/image/Target/GUEST_e0d5a3e9-c636-4f1a-84d3-cbc3f2c7e61d?wid=475&hei=475&qlt=80&fmt=webp
As far as mind fuck movies that disturbed me, Prince of Darkness. Ye gods, what a fucking creepout.
Kelly’s Heroes. I’m going as the guy in the fez.
“Having some bread, drinking some wine.” Christ, how high was Sutherland throughout the filming of this glorious masterpiece?
Sleepy Hollow is my all time favorite. Partly because the cold grey of October and November make me happy. Depp’s performance is awesome and of course, Ricci’s low cut dress.
Had to check to make sure, but Ms. Ricci was 18 at the time.
I lost access to Slack somehow and never got around to reestablishing it. I should probably do that.
That said, I am fully in support of this draft.
This one gave me the creeps. I saw it in the balcony of a rickety old firetrap theater, high as fuck. The very last scene in the graveyard gave me a near fatal heart attack.
Balcony. For FUCK SAKE!
Thanks to whatever kind soul fixed that for me!
WCS. Hero!
3rd selection, The Love Witch.
Can’t believe it lasted this long and would imagine it will be picked again but I’ll take the Blair Witch Project. Old camera and some hiking gear, maybe a bundle of sticks and you’ve got a costume you could repeat forever.
FINALLY there it is
That movie scares the shit out of me. Because I have a horrible sense of direction and I hate nature.
Are we now just picking best movies to dress up as characters from? Or is that a different draft?
I’m still wholly convinced if this movie is good or not, but it definitely has that late-’90s/pre-9/11 vibe to it. High school, kids.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch1RFK_tycE&ab_channel=draweni1
On behalf of the Dr. Mrs. I am selecting The Craft.
Gotta say, I have a little bit of a crush on Neve Campbell.
4. Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors
And if you’re going to go as Freddy, this is my all-time favorite look of his:
2d round. The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, 1999 Jonny Depp version. You guys see where I’m going with these right?
He fixes the cable?
‘The Shining’. Fun for the whole fam damily!!
The Exorcist (1973) The one, the only . . .
But dress up as Ellen Burstyn. If you do choose to be Linda Blair, make sure to turn your head 360º every few minutes to complete the costume.
“If you do choose to be Linda Blair, make sure to turn your head 360º every few minutes to complete the costume.”
& don’t forget the split pea soup!!
I’ll take original Halloween. It’s the only horror movie I can stomach, the music is good, and we put up a stuffed Mike Myers for Halloween.
So you can see why I traded my entire draft class to Washington for this pick.
Chasing chicks in nighties… You can never go wrong.
Alright, lots of high quality options on the board, let’s go with Rocky Horror
It’s just a jump to the left….
– Bears running back before getting stopped on 4th and 1
Hocus Pocus in the 1st round. SJP was sorta hawt back then.
probably too much Italian sun
We watched that last night, Gumby had never seen it before. It’s a fun movie, I will defend it!
Had a friend who would go as Danny Glick every year, so I’ll pick ‘Salem’s Lot.
I wonder if all this talk about costumes has filled jjfozz with a hunger to watch some more episodes of Emily in Paris.
It may make me a basic bitch, but I like the Nightmare Before Christmas, and it works as a Halloween movie AND a Christmas movie.
3. Legend. These costumes aren’t for the faint of heart, but if you’ve got a friend who can pull off the Evil Lili dress, you have GOT to get her into it.
Or out of it, as the case may be.
That’s one of the two Tom Cruise movies I’ve seen the whole way through. Tim Curry was a great bad guy/ demon!
2nd pick: Shaun of the Dead
Can’t believe it lasted this long and would imagine it will be picked again but I’ll take the Blair Witch Project. Old camera and some hiking gear, maybe a bundle of sticks and you’ve got a costume you could repeat forever.
BFC every Halloween (artist’s conception):
That’s dangerous in Ontario.
In light of current events, I select “Idiocracy.”
Does this count?
John Carpenter’s The Thing
Quite possibly my favorite movie in any genre.
That was under serious consideration for the #1 overall pick. Well done.
Original Evil Dead.
Groovy.
Army of darkness, baby
Lofty pick. King-level pick.
Hail to the King,baby
Probably don’t want to be wandering around at night holding a gun these days.
Fucking assholes, ruining all the good costumes for everyone else.
2. Ghostbusters. Scary/spooky enough, super fun, and plenty of fantastic options for costumes:
Scream. I haven’t seen it in forever and don’t understand why they made 75 sequels, but am just going to assume it holds up.
Orgazmo (1997)
You can dress as a Mormon missionary (a bike clip on the right leg is essential):
. . . or as one of the superheroes:
. . . or as a side character:
First pick – the original Saw movie. Can dress up like the little fella below or, if you’re Heather Mills, the guy who cuts off his own foot.
House of 1000 corpses.
Just so I can wear a “Cheap ass Halloween Costume” T-shirt.
Commissioner’s note: You must draft a specific movie – not a franchise – and other movies within the franchise remain available for subsequent picks.