Your “MORE GRUEL!? We’re Out. How ‘Bout A Thursday Night NFL Game Instead? Same Thing.” NFL Football Open Thread

Despite the cheap shot above I love me the Thursday Nighter. It allows me to hang with like-minded individuals-there’s football and funny comments and gifs, salient observations about ‘stuff’, bourble, partially-naked goddesses and plenty of pyjama bottoms. And that’s on a regular Thursday during the season. But tonight, my friends, TONIGHT there’s a perfect storm brewing. This here fixture is the last of its kind for the year. I’m willing to bet that even if you must show your visage at the workplace tomorrow, little if anything will be expected of you so hungover should be your base disposition. Also, for the more restrained/responsible/sociable types out there, this might be the last night for quite some time when you can indulge your inner Bukowski and/or Hunter S. Thompson. So let’s have at it, shall we? [crowd roars] I CAN’T HEAR YOU! [crowd roars louder] THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!…TO THE MOTHER-FUCKING GAME!!!

NYG/Phi-At the risk of getting my stories mixed up-much like Santa Claus at the Linc, the Eagles face a battery… of obstacles on their way to a W tonight. The Giants D has recently prolapsed two of the best O’s in the league in back-to-back weeks. How did they accomplish this? Well, belly on up to the bar and I’ll tell you. Despite a slow start de Vernon now leads the league in QB pressures with 77. JPP’s absence due to injury hasn’t affected the line because a fully-fingered (phrasing) rook by the name of Romeo Okwara has stepped in and maintained pressure on the other side of the line. That said, lt Jason Peters is the 6th-best pass blocker in the league and may be able to nullify Vernon. With a ton of pressure being applied from the ends of the D and Snacks Harrison mucking up the middle, qb’s must make quick decisions against the 4th and 10th best-rated corners this year in Jenkins and Rogers-Cromartie. Jenkins in particular has raised his game three levels or so. Once known as a ‘feast or famine’ type of player, “Jackrabbit” has transformed into a lock-down guy. Perhaps lining up against OBJ every day instead of the likes of Brian Quick or Steadman Bailey may have something to do with his progress. Who knows? In the Eagles favour is history-they’ve blown the balls off the Giants by the combined score of 54-7 over the last two years when playing at home. Hopefully qb Eli’s nature will tilt more towards savant rather than idiot-he’s thrown a “go to bed without supper”-like 26 Int’s over the course of his career against this team. Did I mention that the “Color Rush” Giants unis are a throw-back to the whites worn in the 80’s and 90’s? Asked for comment, Mark Bavaro stone-faced the following, “…….” and kicked a puppy because, “it looked as though it was smiling”. Lawrence Taylor’s dealer/public relations guy said that, “Mr. Taylor is not available for comment at the moment because he is currently sniffing coke off the ass of a very nubile 16 year-old. Should I have said that to you? Be honest.”

As always, one simply must indulge oneself in the goings-on at Free Ballin’ Football. Will Josh send back the water-cress sandwiches because they have too much cucumber? Will Bill marry his dead wife’s sister thus insuring his continued ownership of the Lyme Disease on Quick-Sand Estate? Why does Nick insist on driving his new motorcar at the breakneck speed of 30 miles per hour? Which flavour will be Tim’s “Tea of the Week”? Chamomile or Earl Grey? For the answers to these queries and football-centric tomfoolery, check out ye olde podcast directly below.

I’m so done. FINISH IT OFF, PEOPLES!!!