Despite the cheap shot above I love me the Thursday Nighter. It allows me to hang with like-minded individuals-there’s football and funny comments and gifs, salient observations about ‘stuff’, bourble, partially-naked goddesses and plenty of pyjama bottoms. And that’s on a regular Thursday during the season. But tonight, my friends, TONIGHT there’s a perfect storm brewing. This here fixture is the last of its kind for the year. I’m willing to bet that even if you must show your visage at the workplace tomorrow, little if anything will be expected of you so hungover should be your base disposition. Also, for the more restrained/responsible/sociable types out there, this might be the last night for quite some time when you can indulge your inner Bukowski and/or Hunter S. Thompson. So let’s have at it, shall we? [crowd roars] I CAN’T HEAR YOU! [crowd roars louder] THAT’S MORE LIKE IT!…TO THE MOTHER-FUCKING GAME!!!
NYG/Phi-At the risk of getting my stories mixed up-much like Santa Claus at the Linc, the Eagles face a battery… of obstacles on their way to a W tonight. The Giants D has recently prolapsed two of the best O’s in the league in back-to-back weeks. How did they accomplish this? Well, belly on up to the bar and I’ll tell you. Despite a slow start de Vernon now leads the league in QB pressures with 77. JPP’s absence due to injury hasn’t affected the line because a fully-fingered (phrasing) rook by the name of Romeo Okwara has stepped in and maintained pressure on the other side of the line. That said, lt Jason Peters is the 6th-best pass blocker in the league and may be able to nullify Vernon. With a ton of pressure being applied from the ends of the D and Snacks Harrison mucking up the middle, qb’s must make quick decisions against the 4th and 10th best-rated corners this year in Jenkins and Rogers-Cromartie. Jenkins in particular has raised his game three levels or so. Once known as a ‘feast or famine’ type of player, “Jackrabbit” has transformed into a lock-down guy. Perhaps lining up against OBJ every day instead of the likes of Brian Quick or Steadman Bailey may have something to do with his progress. Who knows? In the Eagles favour is history-they’ve blown the balls off the Giants by the combined score of 54-7 over the last two years when playing at home. Hopefully qb Eli’s nature will tilt more towards savant rather than idiot-he’s thrown a “go to bed without supper”-like 26 Int’s over the course of his career against this team. Did I mention that the “Color Rush” Giants unis are a throw-back to the whites worn in the 80’s and 90’s? Asked for comment, Mark Bavaro stone-faced the following, “…….” and kicked a puppy because, “it looked as though it was smiling”. Lawrence Taylor’s dealer/public relations guy said that, “Mr. Taylor is not available for comment at the moment because he is currently sniffing coke off the ass of a very nubile 16 year-old. Should I have said that to you? Be honest.”
As always, one simply must indulge oneself in the goings-on at Free Ballin’ Football. Will Josh send back the water-cress sandwiches because they have too much cucumber? Will Bill marry his dead wife’s sister thus insuring his continued ownership of the Lyme Disease on Quick-Sand Estate? Why does Nick insist on driving his new motorcar at the breakneck speed of 30 miles per hour? Which flavour will be Tim’s “Tea of the Week”? Chamomile or Earl Grey? For the answers to these queries and football-centric tomfoolery, check out ye olde podcast directly below.
I’m so done. FINISH IT OFF, PEOPLES!!!
Maximum Manningface: Engaged
http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/article/media_slots/photos/001/692/376/9087b1153350e5beefd9a6738fae2826_original.jpg?1409169528
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Called it. As Mrs Sharkbait screams out in anger.
3 int’s by manning. thats it thats all.
Christmas is canceled in the Elisha household.
Womp womp.
“I’ll tell you why that play wasn’t good enough anyway…”
You mean besides the fact that the Eagles caught it?
the fuck they have Bobby Rainey in there, too?
The fuck is with the play calling?
Andy Reid nods in approval of this clock management.
Wow. I haven’t seen BEERGH in a slumber this deep since the Middle Ages.
There were no penalties during the Crusades, ppl forget that.
‘Tough to make that call right there’
No Cris, it’s not. The defender was holding the receiver’s arm. Which is why he couldn’t catch the ball. That is the definition of pass interference and your failure to call the officials out for blowing that call is one of the many, many, many reasons people hate you.
the ol’ “square dance” pass defending technique. WORKS EVERY TIME!!
Every time someone says “May I have your attention please,” I think in my head “Will the real Slim Shady please stand up?”
DDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPPPPP
You JUST had a TV timeout.. Why couldn’t it be reviewed then??
MOAR PROFIT!!
Google Home, so now your child can have so much technology they will have a shorter attention span than severely autistic children.
It’s the MURICKAN WAYE.
Wow. That is a generous spot
It’s like you have a microphone in my living room.
I DO.
Interesting spot there.
Manning’s passes have hung in the air longer than James Du…
I just can’t.
yeah, I doubt they would have left him up THAT long. He woulda started to smell ,, ppl forget that…
So Eli McPoyle is going to drive the giants to the goal line and toss a pick in the end zone right?
Eli Manning has a face that he calls pensive, but that’s because he thinks it means when he has an erection.
I thought “pensive” was what it was called when Eli graduated from writing only with a pencil.
Odell Beckham goes to his barber each week and goes, “You know the white, blonde nappy-headed American Girl doll? Give me that shit but in a mohawk.”
Just so everyone knows how seriously I root for the Cowboys I am openly rooting for Eli to throw a TD to anyone but Beckham, (who my son’s opponent is playing), so that my kid can win.
Fuck off Dallas, clinch yo shit next week.
Should’ve gone for it
Oh, horsefuck this commercial. Just belly-flop and drown, old man.
Oh giants.
boy, this is a stupid decision
Eh, I can see it. They need the points and Eli hasn’t exactly been Mr. Reliable tonight.
No juice boxes tonight?
I have been able to wean off streams for the most part because the national games for me are available through my cable package on the internet, and Fox has a pretty good stream of their stuff from their website.
I also lose track of my thoughts sometimes and come across like a pretentious shitbag.
Don’t be so hard on yourself Buddy.
I’ve never known you to lose track of your thoughts.
Wait, what?
You’ve been destroying it
I usually don’t drink during the week, but today I worked until 9, interspersed with helping a friend use heavy equipment to fix the mailbox the town keeps knocking over with snowplows, getting the battery in my daughter’s car back to life, going to the dump to throw out the cinderblocks and cement from the old mail box, (don’t ask), getting to the gym, trying not to die while having my daughter driver roughly 2 miles and almost hitting my car in the driveway and then walking the dog before cutting the Xmas tree to fit the living room.
So yeah, I’m gon’ drank.
Bulee dat.
Tirico and Collinsworth in their sweaters look like a mixed-race gay couple who doesn’t shut the fuck about their house’s solar panels.
They give back to the grid you know.
Gentlemen. How in the fuck are we doing?
Also trying to find a non shitty stream of this game is harder than expected
Twitter is your friend
https://twitter.com/i/live/768633364911788032
No, Buddy. Twitter is no one’s friend. If Twitter were an ice cream flavor, it’d be pralines and dick.
Banner-worthy.
Just sayin’
Forgot about twitter. I could give 2 shits about these teams, but Mrs Sharkbait is a giants fan
“ELI AND HIS FUCKIN DEER IN THE HEADLIGHTS FACE”
My son just came in and said Eli looks like “a goddamn McPoyle”
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/itsalwayssunny/images/f/fd/Mcpoyles.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20100226005318
He’s not wrong.
A little late, but next season try hehestreams.xyz. I’m so happy with them that I’m shamelessly shilling for them now.
Desiring Death’s cold embrace.
I’m also very hungry
How many Eagles fans does it take to fix a light bulb?
Three, one to unscrew and replace, one to smash it on the head of someone adjacent, and one to say Thomas Edison was “some Jersey homo with glasses”.
Yikes. I’m watching the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, because I hate myself, and while Idaho was up YUGE on Colorado State, CSU is mounting a semi-rally. They just scored again, but, and Idaho guy just got his head seemingly twisted around, and dropped flat. He was motionless for a a scary ten seconds or so, but, he’s up and being helped off the field.
“He was motionless for a a scary ten seconds or so, but, he’s up and being helped off the field.”
Gacy’s diaries are not uplifting reading.
We call that kind of tackle “The Exorcist”.
The Vandals are apparently dropping out of D-1 football because they’re losing too much money and have no hope of ever competing.
There’s a lesson there for UCONN that they are far too goddamn dumb to take.
80 of the D-1 teams should lose football. There would still be a some that lose money, but fuck those schools anyway.
It was 41-7 right at the end of Q3, now 61-50. JV season gets sillier and sillier every year, especially the Dec/Jan exhibitions.
It was a lot more entertaining than this TNF liquid shitfest.
That’s Andy Reid-level challenging right there.
so much that the refs talked him out of it. The benefit of looking as if you are mentally challenged, I suppose…
Eli Manning causes more December drives to die than eggnog.
No Christmas foar Eli.
That Eli face was almost orgasmic
Eli Manning is determined that my son never speak to me again.
Alimony be a bitch.
Drew’s bread and butter restaurant would be a good visit because I want to carb load like a motherfucker right now.
that was a good father-son commercial. good job.
As a joke a buddy sent me a song by a band called Illicit Reading (Great name) howevah looked em up
“We are Illlicit Reading, mixing smooth new wave with spread bits of trip hop and overlaid slam poetry. Starting out of Den Haag in the Netherlands, we now tour as a starting act for Wishing Winds on their larger tour of Europe. All the venues we play at are cat friendly and vegan, check us out and get a chance to collect a signed copy of our album Beyond Breathless Bodies and a free eadible poster.”
I am in the middle of a gangbang in the Castro district with a Judy Garland impersonator spotting and “I’m Too Sexy” blaring in the background… and reading this made me drop the cock and re-examine who I am.
“Illicit Reading”, or as it’s known to the Texas Board Education, On the Origin of Species.
“Excuse me Mr. Green, this is the closest I’ve been to one of you in my entire life. I’m a little nervous, because Mr. Trump said you would probably try and rape me.”
I’ve never watched it but those 4 people on ‘Good Morning Football’ seem like the last four people I would ever want to talk about football with.
They’re not Rush Limbaugh, Colin Cowherd, Stephen A. Smith, and Skip Bayless, so they’re already better.
Touche’
Collinsworth focusing on Collins so that we can see that he was the third guy to hit the RB.
And somewhere, that bitch who screwed over my cousin, is pissed at the Eagles.
That’s a shame.
I sense insincerity here.
As I get older, I try mightily to tamp down my inclination to hate people and never forgive, or forget. I’m about 50-50 on this endeavor, but that bitch will never, ever get my forgiveness.
Ya nevah knocked me down Ray! YUH NEVAH KNOCKED ME DOWN!!!
Oh goddamn that’s going to play well with the Philly crowd.
No. Fuck. run the skinny Daniel. Wentz is fine. Pay off the dr’s and get back in there Trent Green