The scene: An unnamed bar in the Free and Sovereign State of Chihuahua, Mexico. Ballsofsteelandfury is sitting at a table in a dark corner, along with Covalent Blonde, Low Commander, Marc Trestmans Windowless Van and Otto’s Brain. Although Otto’s Brain is actually on the table rather than at it, being a disembodied brain in an invulnerable globe and all. The bar is pretty full of bikers, hard drinkers, rogues and ne’er-do-wells. Things are going on in this bar. Under-the-table kind of things. Not too obvious…but not too secret, either.

Covalent Blonde (looking around at the tough crowd inhabiting the bar): I’ve gotta say, this is my kind of place.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: I like it, man. It’s homey.

Low Commander (looking around at the tough crowd inhabiting the bar): Just what kind of home do you have?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: Like, I used to live out of my van, man. Until it, like, got left in the past.

Covalent Blonde: Look, I’m sorry, okay? But I wasn’t going to be the one to tell the dinosaurs to get out.

Cut to: 150 million years ago. Marc Trestmans Windowless Van’s van sits in a jungle clearing. A stoned Allosaurus lounges against it. An equally baked Pterosaur waddles out of the van and plops down next to the Allosaurus.

Pterosaur (eyes rolling): Gronk!

Allosaurus (grinning stupidly): Dak! Dak!

A small Velociraptor comes wandering up.

Velociraptor (curiously): Goff? Goff?

The Allosaurus grabs the Velociraptor in its mighty jaws, crunches a few times, and swallows the smaller dinosaur.

Allosaurus (happily): Dak! Dakdak!

Cut to: The bar again.

Ballsofsteelandfury (getting up from the table): I’m gonna get some beers. You guys just stay here and stay out of trouble, okay?

Otto’s Brain: Aw, we’ll be fine.

Covalent Blonde: Ask if they have Nükehead. I love that stuff.

Ballsofsteelandfury: That’s not a beer, that’s a paint remover.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van: And, like, Doritos, man! I’ve got the munchies.

Ballsofsteelandfury (walking off): I’m not your waitress, guys.

Otto’s Brain: Not a good one, that’s for sure. I say we stiff him on the tip.

Ballsofsteelandfury approaches the bar. The bartender, a large man with a plethora of tattoos and an intimidating facial scar, glares at him malevolently.

Ballsofsteelandfury (shooting a single finger gun): Hey, how about a round of piss-warm Changos?

Scarred Bartender (still glaring): What kind of place do you think this is, man?

Ballsofsteelandfury (looking around at the tough crowd inhabiting the bar): Well…

Scarred Bartender: This ain’t no dive, imbécil. We’ve got over thirty kinds of craft beers here. We’ve got import beers from over a dozen countries.

Ballsofsteelandfury: Okay, okay! Sorry! Look, how about Nükehead?

Scarred Bartender (looking skeptical): You drink Nükehead?

Ballsofsteelandfury: No. I use it to clean elephant hide. On the other hand…

Ballsofsteelandfury points back to Covalent Blonde, who is currently arm-wrestling a burly biker.

Ballsofsteelandfury: She drinks Nükehead.

The bartender leans over the bar and watches as Covalent Blonde bends over the biker’s wrist and slams his arm into the table.

Covalent Blonde (triumphantly): Ha! That’s a cool C-note you owe me, Snake!

Snake the Biker (massaging his arm): Would you take a check…?

The bartender nods and ducks beneath the bar, then comes up with a bottle of Nükehead. The bottle gurgles ominously.

Ballsofsteelandfury: And a few bottles of Dos Equis.

Scarred Bartender: Domestic? I guess I’ve got a few in the back…

Ballsofsteelandfury: And I don’t suppose you have any Doritos back there…?

Scarred Bartender (glaring): This is a bar, not an In-N-Out.

Cut to: Outside the bar, where a rumbling sound precedes the arrival of a trio of motorcycles ridden by a trio of raven-haired beauties. They pull up in formation and stop in front of the bar and the women dismount. They wear patches that say Perras Vampiro del Infierno.

Yes, they’re vampire bikers.

Yolanda (glancing at the Moosemobile): Novatos?

Rosa (happily): O! M! G! I hope so! Like, we need some new blood! This place has just been, like, totally gnarly lately!

Lilith (imperiously): ¡Silencio! If we do have visitors, they will soon learn that they have entered a nightmare…from which there is no escape!

Rosa: You mean, like Cleveland? Because I had a cheer competition there one time and it really bummed me out! Like, even the malls were totally grody!

Lilith sighs and shakes her head, and walks toward the bar’s door. Yolanda falls in behind and Rosa brings up the rear.

Rosa: And, like, orange and brown?!! Gag me with a spoon…!

To be continued…