/Fox pre-game intro
Joe: “The good folks at DFW Ice Creamery were kind enough to provide us with samples of their very delicious products. I chose vanilla. [licks cone lovingly] Mmm, that’s so good! Troy, what flavour did you choose?
Troy: “You know me, Joe. I’ll always choose chocolate when I’m in Dallas. It always tastes so good! [his tongue dances on the tip of the ice cream cone]
Joe: “Gosh darn it-I can not get enough of this delicious ice cream!” [makes slurping noises]
Troy: “Can’t help but notice I got a larger cone than you did.” [slurps happily away]
Joe: “You know what they say-it’s not how much you can swallow, it’s more important that you’re satisfied at the end. [makes small moaning sound]
Troy: “You got that right mister. I’ve no doubt that we’ll both end up with a bellyful.” [eyes roll back into head]
Producer: [begins to realize what is happening] “CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL!”
GB/Dal– Them Cowpokes get a boner, bonus with the return of cb Claiborne after an absence of nine weeks. He’s back just in time to blanket wr Cobb because ace Jordy Nelson isn’t the gritty guy that everyone thought he was. Unlike Joe and Troy he was not able to suck it up. Another Pack wr is going to have to step up and my not-money is on Geronimooooo! (Allison) to jump into the fray and make a difference. I also think that Green Bay needs a half-decent day from te Cook. If he can grab 6-8 for 70-80 yards that will take some of the pressure off the outside guys and create a wee bit of hesitation on the part of the Dallas D.
The Cowboys just need to keep doing what they’re doing and they’ll be okay. There’s no reason to think that Eezy-Zeke will be thwarted in his efforts and that will limit the number of possessions that the white/lava/scorching/witheringly [runs out of breath] hot Rodgers will have to put points on the board. In addition, qb Prescott doesn’t seem to be the ‘rattleable’ type and the Pack’s D-Line isn’t a scary bunch with a lot of “Oomph!”. (says the old white guy from his couch) All in all, more things have to go right for Green Bay than Dallas-I think it should be close for most of the game but them Cowboys might pull away in the fourth. This is not my desired result, by the way.
Done. LET’S GO GET IT, POTLICKERS!!!
Back end? Sack? This is Rodgers time. Dial up some pressure!
Yes, Mike, design the run at the spare lineman, and not the guys you pay to do it all game long.
DAAAAAAAAAAMN
I haven’t seen that much penetration since last time I was on tumblr!
Mike McCarthy strikes BACK!!!
THESE OFFICIALS I CALL THEM WAYNE BRADY, RYAN STILES, COLIN MOCHRIE, GREG PROOPS, AND CHIP ESTON BECAUSE THEY’RE JUST MAKING SHIT UP AT THIS POINT
BLEERGH is threatening to go Super Saiyan.
“Fuck. We’ve got so much spare derp here. Seems a shame to waste it all on the fucking Chiefs-Steelers game.”
Ball was in the air?
Bleergh has decided for green bay
Obvious DPI?
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
That ref just made Jerry’s hit list.
Ladies and gentlemenjoy we have more proof that Green bay gets biased calls
Fuck it. Let them score a TD and take your chances to tie.
Now they call penalties?
bleeeeeeeergh
HAIL!!!!
Clay Matthews is still looking for his ankles.
AARon calls that “playing center”
Rodgers, you lucky fuck
So this is whata close game looks like.
So, how many chickens do i need to sacrifice to get a punt from Green Bay here?
They’re in Hail Mary range. No punting.
All of them.
Chickens!
one of these.
http://i.imgur.com/2qbeSYt.jpg
One more first down, GB should be able to get in FG range AND kill the clock AND get DAL to burn its timeouts.
IOW … Here comes the back-breaking fumble
As incompetent as McCarthy is, that play is more inventive than anything the Jets have run in a decade.
I am pretty pumped to see the clock management next game fellows. That and it’s fajita night in the Cola residence. Pronounced ferjeeeta.
vajitas
I always preferred FA-JI-TA
It’s fa-GIGHT-a! SPEAK MURICKAN
Let’s see if Aaron can pull this out*
*Olivia Munn need not apply
Yes, yes stop the clock McCarthy.
Hmm.. so now I can have my exercise bike hooked up to the Internet, so that, uh, teenagers can talk shit about my poor performance? Sounds awesome.
I’m also sure that’s exactly what every woman who chose to spend thousands on a home gym wants — a way for strangers to hit on her while she’s exercising.
h
ttp://www.mtv.co.uk/sites/default/files/styles/image-w-760-scale/public/mtv_uk/galleries/large/2016/03/30/bridget.gif?itok=5npvduCE
That did not look good. Another reason I hate artificial turf.
FUCK YOU
– Every player that has played on Soldier Field
Cheese melted stop the clock.
Knee ded.
You’re supposed to break the defender’s ankles, not your own.
Emmitt Smiff is so hacky about the Calm Boys he’s just doth to pants!
Holy shit. Emmit Smith is old as fuck
tailbacks…do not age well
http://thumbnails117.imagebam.com/52112/f9f3ac521116148.jpg
So JerryWorld (which I just learned today actually was called AT&T Stadium) has like 20,000 empty seats from what I just heard (80,000 attendance)
Best Fans In Football
To be fair, most of them have never been to Dallas and couldn’t find Jerry World.
Now it’s up to the Cowboys D. Translation: “They’re screwed.”
Thank you Dark Lord. Now please cripple Rodgers or have his parents surprise him on the sidelines.
How about his boyfriend making an appearance?
Isn’t Clay already there on the sideline?
http://www.reactiongifs.us/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/stop_penis_erect_archer.gif
Well this game is interesting…
*was cooking for first 3 quarters*
That’s a lot of meth, Heisenberg!
Youregoddamnright.jpg
I don’t understand, why isn’t one of these teams up by 20 points while the other looks so incompetent you can’t fathom how they could possibly even be a professional team, much less a playoff team?
Indeed. This isn’t playoff football as I understand it. Just remember the league promise:
http://thumbnails117.imagebam.com/52006/a5549b520055627.jpg
At least we’ve finally gotten a good game.
Did Bill Cowher say that we have no life?
http://thumbnails116.imagebam.com/50498/19d7d7504970895.jpg
From a GB perspective, it’s probably better they fucking made the 2. Otherwise it ends 29-28, gauran-damn-teed.
Cowboys… competent?
the Dark Prophesy is written
guh
TOUCHDAK
TIE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
http://38.media.tumblr.com/21216dbd3c3c31b19d4f727c3285fb9d/tumblr_n23pqfaaap1shsnaco8_250.gif
Somewhere, Kane is crying
When Dak blows it at some point during the playoffs, what will we call it? Fukushima Dakichi? Dakwater Horizon? Bhopal… DisDakster?
DAKASHIMA, YOU FUCKING HEATHEN
I thought we had agreed on “Dakashima Disaster”?
Stop the 2, you idiot fucks
Zeke might be good at this football thing.