GENERAL: Mr. President, Agent Scotchnaut is pinned down in Bucharest and can’t post the Open Thread this afternoon!

PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: [pulls up pants] I’ll handle…wait.  This seems familiar.

GENERAL: He’s getting 418’d!  THERE’S NO TIME!

PRESIDENT RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY: Fine, fine, sheesh.  You know, when my Russian handlers coerced me I signed up for this job of my own free will I didn’t realize I was going to have to work weekends too.

Okay, so we’ve got the Seahawks.  Oh, wait, no, Green Bay.  Oh, wait, no, this is the AFC.  Goddamn, why can’t I remember anything that happened to me last night?  It’s like I didn’t get any sleep at all.  My brain feels like a big bowl of clam chowdah.  As far as this game is concerned, against my will (which seems fitting), I’m rooting for (and picking) the Steelers.  The Patriots defense hasn’t been tested in any meaningful way, and I think the Steelers are going to be willing to sacrifice a good 45 yards worth of field position to take cheap shots at Tom Brady and ruin his cadence at the line after he loses his voice screeching at the officials.  But you’re not here for hot takes (mmm…hotcakes) – you’re here to make jokes.  Get to it.  Make with the laugh laugh!