2016 Quotables – Super Bowl (Submissions)

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Ugh – this was pretty much the game Quotables has been dreading all season. Is there humor in it? I don’t know — you be the judge.


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Read my lips, “No errant coin tosses.”

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One must earn the Grumblelord’s applause. 

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I wish my career was being pretty.

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I found a football highlight.

Washington Huskies student section during a game against UCLA.
Washington Huskies student section during a game against UCLA.

This should be the only week in which we do commercials.
This should be the only week in which we do commercials.

Possible tummy. 5/10. Would not bang!
Possible tummy. 5/10. Would not bang!

 

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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JerBear50
JerBear50

… and off in the distance, they heard the cry. “Whoooo stole my golden arm?” They sat silent, tremoring, and listened with fear as it drew closer. “Whoooo stole my golden arm?” They welled with fright as they heard it again, this time directly behind them. “Whoooooooo stollllleeeeee my golden arm…. WAS IT…. YOU?!?!?!?!?”
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Helmet tip to whatever scary kids story book I pilfered that from.

JerBear50
JerBear50

I think it goes without saying, but screwdrivers, nyquil, phenibut, and ambien are a really fun combination. At least until I pull a Bironas.

Porky Prime
Porky Prime

A Republican finally demonstrates trickle down economics in an honest manner.

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Porky Prime
Porky Prime

“Fuck it, I’m going deep.”

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LemonJello
LemonJello

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Who’s whiter than us? Duke?

LemonJello
LemonJello

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The fuck? What are they putting in these Skittles now?

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“So long, and thanks for all the fish!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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“OH WE GON PEG TONITE, BUHLEE DAT!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

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*singing*”ALLLLLLLLLL HAILLLLLLLL GRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLE LOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRD!”*/singing*

Cuntler

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We call this one “the Eminem”.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“A child’s bedroom, a small furry creature, a police officer…why does this all seem so familiar?” – Brad Childress

SonOfSpam

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“Last time I tell a white bitch I’m stiff as a board.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Also, not sure this will work bc thanks NFL social media policy, but captions on this catch should have a 2 expletive minimum

Enrico Pallazzo

Ms. Bundchen, I’m sorry to tell you this, but Marky Mark has left the building.

Curse of Marino
Curse of Marino

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Lady Gaga died on the way back to her home planet.

Sharkbait
Sharkbait

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Good to see the gopher from Caddyshack working again.

Bloody Lethal
Bloody Lethal

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O’er the land of the FREEEEE and the home of the grrrrrrrrrr.

Senor Weaselo

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Angelica… Eliiiiza… AND GRUMBLE.

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

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“BOO!”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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The Paul Blart porn parody takes things too literally

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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“I told you bush was coming back into style”
-My girlfriend

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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Human Rorshach Test Achievement Unlocked!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Yeah…they don’t let us do this any more.” – Ole Miss student section activities coordinator

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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A withered old Republican tosses a pittance at the feet of a minority? How is this newsworthy?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

FUCKING A!