Ext. Dane County Regional Airport, Madison WI.

Pete Carroll & John Schneider have just landed after a regional airline flight from Chicago.

John Schneider: Dammit Pete, why do we have to keep taking these regional airlines? They never have a proper beverage cart.

Pete Carroll: John, as we’ve discussed, very few state schools are in major metropolitan areas. It’s either fly into a smaller airport or drive about 8 hours from a big city.

JS: But why’d we have to fly through Chicago first? Minneapolis is closer.

PC: Because last time we flew through MSP you buggered off after baggage and we found you 6 hours later at your alma mater.

JS: GO TOMMIES!

PC: As I recall, they didn’t much appreciate you breaking into the dean’s office shirtless.

JS: It was the most I ever threw up and it changed my life forever.

PC: Such as it is, that’s why we flew through Chicago. Now, let’s go get our rental car.

JS: Way ahead of you there, buddy.

The two of them walk outside to the National “Get It & Go” counter. Before they even get the keys, Pete Carroll begins quietly sighing in anguish.

PC: (exasperated) Honest to God, John, where do you keep finding these?

JS: It helps being an NFL GM. All you gotta do is ask! Now, who are we going to look at today?

PC: Ryan Ramczyk. He’s a tackle for the Badgers. We’re going to meet him in his dorm.

JS: Ooh, great name… He could also stand to buy a vowel.

PC: (ignoring superlatives) You should like him, John. He started at a Division-III school before transferring up to Wisconsin.

JS: (gasps)

PC: Sorry, John, not in Minnesota. It was UW – Stevens Point.

JS: Is their mascot at least a cat?

PC: Nope – dogs. Stevie & Stephanie Pointer.

JS: Well, he just dropped off my board.

PC: (ignoring exhortation) Now John, he’s 6’6″, 310. That’s perfect for lining up alongside Fant & Joeckel

JS: I can already picture Cable calling him “Ramjet”. Pete, who’s your favorite Transformer?

PC: (irritated tone) Ahh, I guess…Bumblebee? I think Leinart mentioned him once; I recall something about a stinging penis. (serious tone) Anyway, the only downsides seem to be his prior injuries and his one-year at the D-I level.

JS: I always liked the Dinobots, especially Grimlock. (begins stamping his feet & moving arms like a T-rex) “Grimlock no like Megatron. Megatron make fun of Grimlock. Grimlock smash!”

PC: (confused tone) So…….John. You still with me there, buddy?

JS: I love those “Transformers” movies. We should talk Paul (Allen) into getting Michael Bay to do the post-game fireworks sometime.

PC: No way. I don’t want to come to work Monday and find a crater where the stadium used to be. (pulls car into parking space) Well, speaking of stadiums, looks like we’re here – Camp Randall Stadium.

JS: WHEE! Camp!

PC: Now John, remember the plan. We’ll introduce ourselves, show him the video from Russell, and then talk turkey about Ramczyk.

JS: Did Russell make the call before we came here? I hate coming in cold.

PC: Unless he was too busy selling water, I hope so. It does help that he played for him back in 2011.

The men open the door to the football offices. Inside sits a secretary at her desk.

Secretary: Welcome to Camp Randall Stadium. May I help you gentlemen?

PC: Yes please, ma’am. Pete Carroll & John Schneider to see Coach Chryst. I believe we have an 11:00 appointment.

Sec.: Hmm…(scans page) Yup, you sure do. Let me just buzz you in, and I’ll call through so he knows you’re coming.

Pete Carroll & John Schneider enter Coach Chryst’s office.

Paul Chryst: (whispering)…and in three minutes page me & say I’ve got a call…Well Pete. Welcome back to Madison. (gets up to shake hands) John, I believe it’s your first trip?

JS: On a plane here, yes. Remember, I used to work in Green Bay.

Chryst: Oh, that’s right. Anyway, it’s such a nice day, let’s talk on the balcony.

Carroll: But Coach, we’ve got a presentation. A video from Russell…

Chryst: No need Pete. Heard it all before. God love him; the man is a walking sound bite. Let me guess: “I played here because God brought me here. Jesus brought me here…I played on an amazing team. I believe He perfectly placed me in the right spot at the right time.”  Anyway, the air is so crisp it’ll keep us on task.

The men alight outside, to a balcony overlooking the stadium

Chryst: So, Pete, I’m guessing you guys are here about Ramczyk?

Carroll: Yep. Gotta keep Russ safe.

Chryst: Damn right – you almost killed my boy last year. (Both Carroll & Chryst laugh)

JS: What’s so funny? Anyway Coach, what was your nickname for Ryan?

Chryst: Usually “Rammer” or “The Rammer”. Why?

JS: Oh, no reason…**sighs**(looks wistfully at cell phone case)

Chryst: Anyway Pete, what do you want to know?

Carroll: How are the knees?

Chryst: They seemed fine last time I saw them. Now, he was going to get a little work done on his hip, but it shouldn’t affect his movement. You should go ask him.

Carroll: He’s here now, on campus? We didn’t expect to see him until later this afternoon.

Chryst: Sure. He’s hurt, so no pro day for him. Let’s see…it’s 11:03, so he should be in his dorm.

Intercom: Coach Chryst? ……. Coach Chryst? You have a call on Line 3.

Coach Chryst picks up the phone from an unlit keyboard

Chryst: Thanks Mabel. Pete, I gotta take this.

Carroll: No worries Paul. You’ve been a great help, thanks. Where’s Ryan live? We’ll go see him now.

Chryst: Bradley Hall. Look for the Badger. You can’t miss it. Great to see you. Good luck in the draft.

John Schneider & Pete Carroll leave Camp Randall Stadium’s offices, walking briskly to their rental.

JS: Okay Pete – let’s roll!

Five minutes later, they arrive outside Bradley Hall.

PC: Sweet Christ, John. That’s some mighty fancy, unnecessarily dangerous driving.

JS: Whatever you say, Grandpa. I wanted to get here today. Find the Residence Advisor; get his dorm number, let’s talk to this kid and get home.

Pete Carroll bangs on a door.

A young man with delusions of grandeur opens the door.

Resident Advisor: Hi, my name’s Hunter. How can I help you?

PC: Hi, we’re looking for Ryan Ramczyk. Coach Chryst sent us over.

JS: (thinking to himself) Man, these people should really buy some vowels.

RA: I’m sorry sir. I can’t let you upstairs without a pass. What did you say your name was?

PC: (irritated) Tom Cable. then he blindsides the RA

JS: JESUS PETE!…I’m mean, Tom.

RA: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

PC: Look Junior, it’s been a long day. We’re going upstairs. Just tell me where and I’ll leave you alone.

The RA picks himself up off the bed he was knocked onto.

RA: sniff…sniff..R–R–Room 315, Sir.

Pete Carroll & John Schneider go upstairs, knock on the door, and are invited inside.

Ryan Ramczyk: Coach Carroll, Mr. Schneider, I was supposed to meet you after 2:00. What brings you by early?

PC: Nothing serious Ryan. We just happened to have a shorter meeting with Coach Chryst. Hope we’re not intruding? (John Schneider sits in a chair; begins to nod off)

RR: Not at all, sir.

PC: Great, great. So, how’s the hip?

RR: Wow, right to it. It’s fine, sir. Following the rehab plan; making sure I don’t rest or work it too much. And like my dad’s vodka tonics – plenty of ice.

PC: Good to hear, son. Now, I think you know what —

Matt Ustaski: Hey Ryan, just returning your…oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had company.

RR: No worries, bro. Matt, this is Pete Carroll of the Seattle Seahawks (they shake hands).

PC: Nice to meet you Matt. You an athlete too?

MU: Yes sir – I play hockey for the Badgers.

John Schneider lurches forward in his chair, now fully awake.

RR: I’m sorry Matt. This gentleman here is the Seahawks GM, John Schneider.

JS: Excuse me Matt. You say you’re a hockey player?

MU: Yes sir. Forward for the Badgers.

RR: He’s been drafted by the Winnipeg Jets. He could turn pro now…

MU: Or I could wait until after next season.

JS: And you’ve never played football? Ever?

MU: No sir; just hockey.

JS: Pete, I have an idea. Matt, lemme get your phone number…

PC: Aww crap. (Gets up.) Well Ryan (extends hand) it’s been a pleasure. We’ll let you know our mood closer to draft day. Matt, good luck with the career.

Pete Carroll grabs John Schneider by the collar & drags him out of the room.

JS: Pete?! What was that for?

PC: C’mon John. You don’t think I don’t know what you were thinking when you saw that kid? Lemme guess – Tight End or Outside Linebacker?

JS: (angrily) Well I — (sad, muted tone) Tight End. How could you tell?

PC: Your boner; it looks weird when a coach has one outside of Penn State. Look John. We’ve got several more visits before the draft. Let’s focus on who can help us now, not who we can afford to spend 4-5 developing.

JS: I suppose…

PC: Great.

To be continued…