INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
A pair of radio professionals are busy setting up the studio for the afternoon’s show. Their work is interrupted in a flash of teal as a costumed man dashes through the office. He is carrying a plastic bag from Savon Pharmacy, in which there appears to be a set of clothing. The man looks around the office frantically, spots the triangular blue sign of the men’s room, and races inside.
PRODUCER: Who the hell was that?
CONNOR, THE INTERN: Jairus Byrd?
DJ 3000: CAMERON ARTIS-PAYNE?
The PRODUCER’s cellphone pings and he pulls it out of his pocket to glance at it.
PRODUCER: Well whoever it was, I hope he’s got a silky-smooth radio voice and can spin records. Cause Von Miller just cancelled. Said someone poured Gatorade in his gas tank.
DJ 3000: IF I MIGHT SUGGEST…
— [bathroom door flies open] —
A proud figure appears in the doorway. He is wearing gym clothes and looking rather disheveled, as though he dressed hurriedly.
BLAINE GABBERT: Good afternoon, citizens.
GABBERT crosses the office, tossing the football end over end to himself. On the third toss he drops the football, which bounces sideways and ends up under a desk. GABBERT attempts to play it off as intentional.
PRODUCER: Oh. Hi. Are you, uh, here for Request Line?
BLAINE GABBERT: The news reached me that you were in dire straits and in need of a host.
PRODUCER: How’s that possible? We only just found out the news ourselves.
BLAINE GABBERT: Oh, I, um, have a friend in law enforcement.
PRODUCER: I see…
BLAINE GABBERT: I understand the time is short. So short, in fact, that you probably don’t have any time to ask questions.
CONNOR, THE INTERN: He’s not wrong.
PRODUCER: Okay, sure, whatever. Get in there.
GABBERT settles into the recording booth. THE PRODUCER counts down and points.
BLAINE GABBERT: Hi folks! Some of you might know me as mild-mannered NFL Quarterback Blaine Gabbert. Others might…wait, I mean, ALL of you know me as mild-mannered NFL Quarterback Blaine Gabbert. This week’s topic for Request Line is “Superheroes”. I guess regular heroes are okay too. Please give me a call and let me know what you want to hear! I’ll get us started with a song about a friend I mean colleague I mean we’ve never actually met but I’m sure we’d get along great if we ever ran into each other some night.